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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New Neighbours – AIBU?

127 replies

PurdeytheDog · 04/09/2021 22:03

My mum lives on a rural no through road with just three houses on it with ½ a km between each house. Through IHT planning my mum, brother and I own the house. My brother lives with my mum.
My mum and brother are quite apathetic, and not proactive at all, whereas I will deal with things head on.
After 30 years the house next door got sold. Within a week a new sign appeared and got screwed to the tree at the end of our drive directing people to the house next door (a half a km along the lane). We have a stone house sign at the end of the drive for our house.
I removed the new neighbour's sign.
Within two hours the new neighbour drove up to my mum’s and asked my brother if he owned the (our) house, if he owned the drive and if he owned the field adjacent to it (effectively trying to determine if we owned the tree I guess). He then proceeded to correct my brother in the pronunciation of our family surname (they are South African and we have Dutch heritage) and insinuated that he privately educated his own children and that we had no money.
The new neighbour then went on to forcefully suggest that a dual house sign be put up at the bottom of our drive directing people to our house and respectively his. The issue is that the postcode lands on our house, but services the whole lane. The new neighbour only directs his friends to his ‘new’ house by giving them the postcode, so my mum, who’s in her mid seventies now, is regularly getting people coming up to the wrong address.
My brother politely pointed out to the new neighbour that my family had been there for the best part of 50 years and have never needed to have such a sign erected, and that the new neighbour should be more precise about directing people to his house.
I live with my husband and two children, but visit my mum most days. A new sign appeared two days ago (as a result of another incorrect visitor) with a printout slipped into a plastic wallet, which was then screwed into the tree four times. The wind had blown it about, and it had folded over and just looed like rubbish attached to the tree.
I told my mum and brother I would removed it. They said not to because it would cause another 'scene'.
My worry is that if the sign is not removed the new neighbour will take this as acceptance and it will become the status quo and the next thing will be a permanent sign. My feeling is that you wouldn’t put your own house sign in front of someone else’s property over half a kilometre way. I feel like putting up a sign outside his house and saying that ‘This is not xxx’.
Am I being unreasonable??
Should i ask him to refrain from putting up these signs?

OP posts:
category12 · 05/09/2021 08:08

I don't think they're unreasonable to want a sign and in the interests of neighbourliness I'd accommodate. But it is unreasonable to nail one to a tree - what's wrong with one on the verge/hedge or attached to a fence post or something?

I'd say to them - happy for you to put up a sign, but not to damage the tree, so you need to put up a post or something.

Theluggage15 · 05/09/2021 08:13

I live in a difficult to find place and use what3words, so much easier than long winded descriptions. It’s fine putting a sign up but how rude to do it without asking first.

pinguwings · 05/09/2021 08:14

Ask a paramedic how important they think clear signage is.

You are being petty and ridiculous x

emptyempire · 05/09/2021 08:16

Firstly (and again!!), DO YOU OWN THE TREE?

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 05/09/2021 08:20

Do you live in Royston Vasey op ?

category12 · 05/09/2021 08:25

@emptyempire

Firstly (and again!!), DO YOU OWN THE TREE?
Isn't the point just as much whether HE owns the tree? Because if he doesn't he's no business screwing anything to it without permission.

If OP doesn't own the tree, she has a bit of a nerve kicking off about it, but he is equally a cheeky fucker to nail anything to it.

Plus nailing things to trees is a shit thing to do. Use a fence post.

Pinkdelight3 · 05/09/2021 08:27

I've never met him but he doesn't seem the sort to be wanting to be part of the 'community'.

All this and you've never even met him?? But are sure he's being aggressive, forceful and snooping while your brother is being polite and your mother some poor victim. From his POV, you're not seeming the sort who wants to be part of the community either. Why would you just inflame the situation rather than seeing the problem - which is your mum's problem too - and being solutions-oriented? It's pointless saying he should give full directions as not everyone who calls will have spoken with him anyway. I think you should keep out of it and or be nice and propose a good place for a sign so his visitors don't get lost any more.

seaandsandcastles · 05/09/2021 08:33

YABU. You complain about people knocking on your mums yet won’t allow him to erect a sign to stop it happening Confused

It makes absolutely no sense. Leave the sign and your mum won’t be bothered.

ShellyShore · 05/09/2021 08:34

I'm with you, op. It's the thin end of the wedge and needs nipping in the bud pronto.
When someone is this entitled and they're new to the area it doesn't
bode well for future neighbourly relations.

bellabasset · 05/09/2021 08:38

As you visit regularly I would go and introduce myself as joint owner of the house and tell him that you don't want signs nailed to trees, especially on your property. Then agree on how he can have a sign for his property.

PenguinWings · 05/09/2021 08:40

You could put up a sign saying the name of your house in big important letters and then underneath it gives directions to the other house in a smaller font. This might avoid making it look like your mum's house is his gatehouse.
Something like "THE WILLOWS" then in smaller print "access to the oaks round the side 250m".

Or not. But I would have a sign up, not ask him to use what3words because delivery drivers may just get the address.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 05/09/2021 08:42

Clear signage is a good idea.
His attitude towards your mum is not acceptable.

Sadiecow · 05/09/2021 08:43

@bellabasset

As you visit regularly I would go and introduce myself as joint owner of the house and tell him that you don't want signs nailed to trees, especially on your property. Then agree on how he can have a sign for his property.
Has it been established the OP owns the tree?
thegcatsmother · 05/09/2021 08:48

I agree it needs to be nipped in the bud. It got to the point with one entitled neighbour of mine that rather than walk up the road, he placed a ladder either side of the wall separating our properties, climbed over into my garden and then walked through to the main road. He was perturbed when I moved my ladder so he could no longer do that. He then told me I needed to move my oil tank and shed to allow him to erect scaffolding and wanted Dh's contact details (he worked abroad) when I refused. He got most upset when I refused, pointed out it wasn't my problem, and if scaffolding could be erected around the conning tower of a submarine, then scaffolding over the oil tank and shed wasn't beyond the wit of his scaffolder. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile.

KihoBebiluPute · 05/09/2021 08:48

Yanbu to object to a scrappy and inappropriate sign being attached badly to a living tree on your property.

It would be perfectly reasonable for the residents to agree amongst the whole lane to commission and share the cost for a proper weathproof sign to be made which doesn't look ugly and which directs people to the correct houses simply and efficiently, the location of which can be negotiated politely.

He has been very unreasonable to take matters into his own hands without consultation and needs to be told to be more respectful of other people's privacy and property.

Imnothereforthedrama · 05/09/2021 08:51

The amount of cf threads on here some people have terrible neighbours this is not one of them . You are making it into a issue removing the sign which is simply to help direct people to the correct house is a good idea . Perhaps if it’s the location of the actual sign you could of said that to them early on but what you did it just remove it making the situation escalate . If your mum said leave it leave as she lives there you don’t . There are bigger things to worry about.

Ourlady · 05/09/2021 08:55

The new bloke sounds like a bully who could be further trouble. He obviously doesn't care about neighbourly relations! Sounds like give him half and inch and he will take a mile type of man.
I wouldn't be happy about nails hammered into a tree to put up a crappy sign and he obviously thinks he can do as he wants seeing as he has replaced the sign.
Can you go and have a word with him yourself?
I would speak to him and tell him you have removed the ugly sign and you suggest different signage which is not on your property.

MaskingForIt · 05/09/2021 08:56

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Sadiecow · 05/09/2021 09:15

@MaskingForIt

YANBU. Spitting Image wrote the song “I’ve never met a nice South African” for a reason!
Wow!!

So because he's SA, he's in the wrong.

I've never ever met a nice racist.

HeronLanyon · 05/09/2021 09:23

Honestly to avoid further unpleasantness I would absolutely NOT start liaising and splitting costs and agreeing design of the sign etc. Just do it yourself op if you can spare £20 or so.
I suppose quick check of his house name (they may be changing it) might be a good idea if your brother (or you) can manage that without getting into unpleasantness.
Job done. Move on.

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 05/09/2021 09:45

Is the tree yours? On your land? If it is then he’s being unreasonable. If it is not, then I can still see where you’re coming from as a piece of paper in a plastic wallet attached to a tree will make the neighbourhood look cheap and ugly.

Nootkah · 05/09/2021 10:00

I think YANBU about the scrappy paper sign screwed to the tree, but YABU about the joint sign. Its pretty common round by me (also very rural) to have a stone sign with directions to one, two or even three houses on it. For example, it might have a line to represent the lane, with three side lines coming off it, with the house names.

DoubleTweenQueen · 05/09/2021 13:21

What would really have set a much better tone from the beginning would be if new neighbour had approached his new neighbours, introduced himself, and discussed issues with house-finding and coming up with an effective and mutually agreed method of doing so.

Flowers500 · 05/09/2021 14:38

@pinguwings

Ask a paramedic how important they think clear signage is.

You are being petty and ridiculous x

This. You have no idea about his history and his life, he’s unlikely to want to tell you personal details at this point. For all you know he might have e.g. ongoing heart troubles, to him knowing that he can be found in an emergency may seem a matter of life or death.
SunbathingDragon · 05/09/2021 17:41

@pinguwings

Ask a paramedic how important they think clear signage is.

You are being petty and ridiculous x

Do you honestly think a paramedic only drives to where a postcode centre point is??
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