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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New Neighbours – AIBU?

127 replies

PurdeytheDog · 04/09/2021 22:03

My mum lives on a rural no through road with just three houses on it with ½ a km between each house. Through IHT planning my mum, brother and I own the house. My brother lives with my mum.
My mum and brother are quite apathetic, and not proactive at all, whereas I will deal with things head on.
After 30 years the house next door got sold. Within a week a new sign appeared and got screwed to the tree at the end of our drive directing people to the house next door (a half a km along the lane). We have a stone house sign at the end of the drive for our house.
I removed the new neighbour's sign.
Within two hours the new neighbour drove up to my mum’s and asked my brother if he owned the (our) house, if he owned the drive and if he owned the field adjacent to it (effectively trying to determine if we owned the tree I guess). He then proceeded to correct my brother in the pronunciation of our family surname (they are South African and we have Dutch heritage) and insinuated that he privately educated his own children and that we had no money.
The new neighbour then went on to forcefully suggest that a dual house sign be put up at the bottom of our drive directing people to our house and respectively his. The issue is that the postcode lands on our house, but services the whole lane. The new neighbour only directs his friends to his ‘new’ house by giving them the postcode, so my mum, who’s in her mid seventies now, is regularly getting people coming up to the wrong address.
My brother politely pointed out to the new neighbour that my family had been there for the best part of 50 years and have never needed to have such a sign erected, and that the new neighbour should be more precise about directing people to his house.
I live with my husband and two children, but visit my mum most days. A new sign appeared two days ago (as a result of another incorrect visitor) with a printout slipped into a plastic wallet, which was then screwed into the tree four times. The wind had blown it about, and it had folded over and just looed like rubbish attached to the tree.
I told my mum and brother I would removed it. They said not to because it would cause another 'scene'.
My worry is that if the sign is not removed the new neighbour will take this as acceptance and it will become the status quo and the next thing will be a permanent sign. My feeling is that you wouldn’t put your own house sign in front of someone else’s property over half a kilometre way. I feel like putting up a sign outside his house and saying that ‘This is not xxx’.
Am I being unreasonable??
Should i ask him to refrain from putting up these signs?

OP posts:
FOJN · 04/09/2021 22:43

There's not enough information to know who is unreasonable here. My jnstict is it's the neighbour because their reasoning doesn't make any sense.

Postcodes are usually shared by a few houses rather than being exclusive to one address but you don't see streets littered with signs to help visitors reach the correct destination. Presumably householders give their house name or number to visitors to make sure they can be found, it's certainly how I give directions. Does anyone really use nothing but a postcode when giving directions? Do people randomly knock on the first door in a postcode assuming it must be the correct house?

The houses in the road must have names or numbers so why would visitors go to the wrong address. What was on the sign? Was it the neighbours name or their house name/number? How would the house name or number be useful if they hadn't already given it to visitors? If they have already given it then their visitors are being completely daft to go to a house with a different name or number.

None of this answers your question but I think your neighbour sounds a bit bonkers.

NotMyCat · 04/09/2021 22:44

Surely there doesn't need to be a sign directing to his, if you already have a house sign
I mean if I'm driving down a lane and looking for house C and I drive past house A and it's a dead end, I would presume that house C is further on and keep driving...
so all you need is a sign at the end of the lane saying house a, b and c

underneaththeash · 04/09/2021 22:45

It’s obviously a reverse and there’s another side to the story.

Biancadelrioisback · 04/09/2021 22:47

I dont know a single person or business that uses What Three Words. I know of it and think it's great if you're lost in a forest or up a mountain but to give people those as directions to a house seems ridiculous.

Why does it bother you or your family at all? As long as it's just a simple sign and he doesn't start trying to take ownership of the area it's literally just beneficial?

PraiseBee · 04/09/2021 22:48

Tell new neighbour to use what3words to direct his/her mates.

HeronLanyon · 04/09/2021 22:49

FOJN it’s much more rural than you are imagining. I’ve lived where only three houses shared a postcode. Detached in middle of rural/moorland along unmade tracks. Not visible from each other. My Amazon and other delivery instructions were a sight to see. Sometimes for friends arriving we put up a high flag so they could see where to come. Still spent time every now and then taking parcels to neighbours or driving down to rescue lost friends on another lane. but we did what we could and local delivery bods got to know us all. Signs are important in that kind of set up.

Unsure33 · 04/09/2021 22:51

Not everyone visiting his house will have spoken to him before so I don’t see a problem with just sticking a proper sign in the ground with an arrow saying xxx property this way.

Just do it yourself . So it looks neater .

HalzTangz · 04/09/2021 22:51

I take it the tree isn't yours, which means you don't control what goes on it.

I really can't see why it bothers you so much

Theunamedcat · 04/09/2021 22:51

So the people knocking are ignoring your house sign what makes them think they have the intelligence to read his?

He could have asked about putting a sign up his presumption would piss me off

Elieza · 04/09/2021 22:52

I don’t have satnav. I appreciate signs. If I was visiting them for the first time I’d appreciate that sign.

What is the actual problem with the sign the put up?

They were trying to prevent your family being bothered yet you think because there hasn’t been a sign there previously that means there shouldn’t be one now? That’s just silly. What, should there be no Volvos allowed up the drive as there weren’t before. Or he can’t take his dog a walk up the lane as the lady owner didn’t?

What’s the actual problem with the sign? Why is it offensive? Is it that it’s cheap looking or what? I’m failing to understand the crux of the problem.

FatCatThinCat · 04/09/2021 22:52

Who owns the tree?

PurpleOkapi · 04/09/2021 22:52

I wouldn't tolerate someone poking holes in my trees, or in anything else on my property, without my permission. That said, I'm sure you can rig up some type of sign that doesn't hurt the tree and still conveys the message that his house is that way over yonder. It's probably better to do that than continue escalating this.

Flowers500 · 04/09/2021 22:53

I love your whole smug 'I DEAL WITH THINGS HEAD ON" line when what you're actually doing is pouring fuel on the fire for a giant neighbour dispute that YOU won't have to deal with.

I agree with others--a dual sign with the two house names that points people in the right direction would be zero hassle. Often maps will have places marked incorrectly, it's almost impossible to get changed. He's newly moved into so there are likely to be queues of workmen, delivery vans, packages, guests etc. coming for the next few months.

But obviously you'd rather subject your family to the hassle of all this because you're so "proactive"

MzHz · 04/09/2021 22:54

Your neighbours need to stop being so fucking lazy with directions

Postcode
Drive 1km past other neighbours

Or “call when you get to the access road and I’ll talk you in”

It’s not hard! We have shitty neighbours and no sign, (because of the pair of cunts that they are) we manage.

Tell them they are not to fix signs to your property/tree

FOJN · 04/09/2021 22:56

HeronLanyon

it’s much more rural than you are imagining.

How do you know that?

I'm unfortunately too familiar with the idiosyncrasies of rural postcodes. Right at the beginning the OP says it's a no through road, all houses on the same road not 3 houses sharing a postcode with no road connecting them which is not uncommon in my local area.

prsphne · 04/09/2021 22:57

Missing the point, but is your mum paying you and your brother market rent for staying in the house (or did you pay market value for your share?), or the IHT planning is likely to be ineffective.

Freddiefox · 04/09/2021 23:00

@MzHz

Your neighbours need to stop being so fucking lazy with directions

Postcode
Drive 1km past other neighbours

Or “call when you get to the access road and I’ll talk you in”

It’s not hard! We have shitty neighbours and no sign, (because of the pair of cunts that they are) we manage.

Tell them they are not to fix signs to your property/tree

You don’t get delivery drivers phone numbers before though so only works with friends and family.
NotJuryDutyAgain · 04/09/2021 23:00

There probably needs to be a sign of some sort. As pp have said, put up one of your own, so that you can choose one that doesn't look like rubbish and situate it to your liking. Your mother benefits from this as much as the new neighbour does. You don't have to like him, but the sign is probably a good idea.

Hcolhcsra · 04/09/2021 23:00

I'd be annoyed by it. I'd also probably keep removing it. Could he get a sign for the entrance to the lane - out of the way of everything else?

saladcreamandegg · 04/09/2021 23:02

New neighbour moves in, realises his guests are going to wrong house and tries to solve the issue... YABU.

As for looking over hedges... he's new to the area and looking around. Unless you're telling me he's carrying round step ladders to look around and over hedges you are being weird on that too. I'm sure most people have had a look at their neighbours gardens either on purpose or by accident.

Justajot · 04/09/2021 23:02

Is it your tree or not?

We have a stupid arrangement of road names and our house is down a bit of the road that is completely hidden. So deliveries used to go to the number 7 on the similarly named road. After a big argument with a delivery company about whether the door in a photo was my door, I went onto google maps and submitted changes to pinpoint each house on the road. I also give very clear directions about how to find the hidden part of our road. I'd say those are fairly normal responses to people getting the wrong house.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 04/09/2021 23:03

Does your mum have a gate across the bottom of her driveway? Although you say the house name is on a stone, if it was on a closed/locked gate people would possibly take more notice.

MzHz · 04/09/2021 23:04

Delivery drivers are more likely to have delivery instructions or mobile numbers than friends and family

I have had this issue, they call.

EvilPea · 04/09/2021 23:15

I’ve lived somewhere like this.
Honestly if they are going to get deliveries and food delivered (as seems to be common now) honestly let them put up a sign. It will be easier than dealing with randoms

HeronLanyon · 04/09/2021 23:17

fojnyou’re right I should have said ‘I think it must be far more rural than you are imagining’. She say glides are .5 km from each other so maybe it’s somewhere between us ! Certainly there seems to be a need for help for this trying to find bods on that lane.