New Neighbours – AIBU?

[PurdeytheDog]

My mum lives on a rural no through road with just three houses on it with ½ a km between each house. Through IHT planning my mum, brother and I own the house. My brother lives with my mum.
My mum and brother are quite apathetic, and not proactive at all, whereas I will deal with things head on.
After 30 years the house next door got sold. Within a week a new sign appeared and got screwed to the tree at the end of our drive directing people to the house next door (a half a km along the lane). We have a stone house sign at the end of the drive for our house.
I removed the new neighbour's sign.
Within two hours the new neighbour drove up to my mum’s and asked my brother if he owned the (our) house, if he owned the drive and if he owned the field adjacent to it (effectively trying to determine if we owned the tree I guess). He then proceeded to correct my brother in the pronunciation of our family surname (they are South African and we have Dutch heritage) and insinuated that he privately educated his own children and that we had no money.
The new neighbour then went on to forcefully suggest that a dual house sign be put up at the bottom of our drive directing people to our house and respectively his. The issue is that the postcode lands on our house, but services the whole lane. The new neighbour only directs his friends to his ‘new’ house by giving them the postcode, so my mum, who’s in her mid seventies now, is regularly getting people coming up to the wrong address.
My brother politely pointed out to the new neighbour that my family had been there for the best part of 50 years and have never needed to have such a sign erected, and that the new neighbour should be more precise about directing people to his house.
I live with my husband and two children, but visit my mum most days. A new sign appeared two days ago (as a result of another incorrect visitor) with a printout slipped into a plastic wallet, which was then screwed into the tree four times. The wind had blown it about, and it had folded over and just looed like rubbish attached to the tree.
I told my mum and brother I would removed it. They said not to because it would cause another 'scene'.
My worry is that if the sign is not removed the new neighbour will take this as acceptance and it will become the status quo and the next thing will be a permanent sign. My feeling is that you wouldn’t put your own house sign in front of someone else’s property over half a kilometre way. I feel like putting up a sign outside his house and saying that ‘This is not xxx’.
Am I being unreasonable??
Should i ask him to refrain from putting up these signs?

Keep wondering about a diagram. Then think not.

@FOJN

There's not enough information to know who is unreasonable here. My jnstict is it's the neighbour because their reasoning doesn't make any sense.

Postcodes are usually shared by a few houses rather than being exclusive to one address but you don't see streets littered with signs to help visitors reach the correct destination. Presumably householders give their house name or number to visitors to make sure they can be found, it's certainly how I give directions. Does anyone really use nothing but a postcode when giving directions? Do people randomly knock on the first door in a postcode assuming it must be the correct house?

The houses in the road must have names or numbers so why would visitors go to the wrong address. What was on the sign? Was it the neighbours name or their house name/number? How would the house name or number be useful if they hadn't already given it to visitors? If they have already given it then their visitors are being completely daft to go to a house with a different name or number.

None of this answers your question but I think your neighbour sounds a bit bonkers.

actually round here (rural location, big gaps between houses, houses named not numbered) you do see signs at the beginning of the drive or road, giving extra directions to each house name. Its not bonkers at all to add extra detail where its needed.

You never answered a PP. Do you own the tree?

YABU I'm afraid OP. We have a similar set up with our neighbours, 2 properties on a private lane. We both have the property names at the end of the lane and then again on our respective properties.
The occasional visitor/delivery driver gets lost but it's not the end of the world.
It would have been polite of your neighbour to ask before damaging the tree though.

I think what bothers me the most out of this is that they tried to tell YOU what YOUR last name was. (Well told your brother but still)

In my experience, delivery drivers don't always get the directions passed onto them even if you write instructions on the website. We live rurally and sometimes get parcels delivered to the wrong address. A neighbourhood Whatsapp group has been very useful as some drivers send a picture of the delivered parcel and then you can play "spot the doorstep". A couple of firms we know are using What3words now which gives me more hope. We tried for signs but not everyone on our hillside would agree as some prefer the privacy. Your neighbour hasn't gone about it quite the right way, but in your Mum's situation it does sound as if signage would help. Why not have a chat with them?

@PurdeytheDog

Can i just add, that he hasn't added a sign to the other neighbour's property. Yes, I am probably over reacting. But he has also been quite aggressive to my mum on another occasion about something entirely different, whilst my brother was on holiday. He's also upset the other neighbour. I've never met him but he doesn't seem the sort to be wanting to be part of the 'community'. He has also snooped around the other neighbour's property and peered over the hedges, as my brother watched him do it. Yes, its not the end of the World, and i have plenty to keep me occupied. As a few people have said, its just a bit presumptuous. He could simply use the house name and postcode with directions to go all the way to the end of the lane, and not up the driveway to my mum's when directing his guests. Also What Three Words could be used. What normal people would do in short! Appreciate the feedback x

Surely you and your family want as little to do with him and his visitors as possible then, so let him have his sign up. I get that it was annoying he put it up without asking but you sound like you are cutting off your nose to spite your (mum's) face.

@MzHz

Your neighbours need to stop being so fucking lazy with directions

Postcode
Drive 1km past other neighbours

Or “call when you get to the access road and I’ll talk you in”

It’s not hard! We have shitty neighbours and no sign, (because of the pair of cunts that they are) we manage.

Tell them they are not to fix signs to your property/tree

Lol. You clearly don't live at a house that is hard to find by satnav.

We've lived here over 10 years now. When I am directing someone to our house I give our address, I also say that the easiest way to find it is put in a different postcode and we're next to number 72 on that road. I also tell them the colour of our front door, which is unusual, and that we are opposite a specific road. I've even given our car colour, make and number plate, and many different things to try and make it easy to spot out house.

We still, 9 times out of 10 for deliveries or someone new coming to the house, get a phone call along the lines of "I'm where the sat nav has taken me with your postcode, I can't find your house". They will almost certainly have driven straight past our house to get there.
Most of the time the delivery information I have given hasn't got to the person (if it's a small business and I've spoken to the wife, then that's the most reliable)

I've run down the road after vans, I've had deliveries for others, and they've had my deliveries. I've had companies repeatedly claiming that we "were out when they tried to deliver" when what they actually mean (I was standing outside for them on at least four or five occasions and saw them drive past) is that they couldn't find us easily.
Thankfully our neighbours understand and it's a bit of a joke between us.

I can totally understand why someone might want to make it clearer.

My parents have always lived rurally and it doesn't matter how good, detailed and precise the directions you give people - they regularly get it very wrong! My parents are now at an age when they are getting home visits from a range of health care professionals and carers, some of whom end up about 10 miles away, then 7 miles in the opposite direction, before finding them. And their house really is very easy to find.

The new neighbour's original sign on the tree, directing people to keep on going to find his house, was a great idea, and I have no idea why you're annoyed about it.

So - because you are disproportionately annoyed about a sign on a tree on the land of a house that you do not live in, you would prefer that the actual occupants of the house get regularly disturbed for directions by the neighbour's visitors?

Forget about how annoying, snobblsh & entitled the neighbour is, & consider the best outcome for your relatives, who have to live with it, ffs.

Is there a style of sign that you’d find acceptable? And a location that you’d find acceptable? You could suggest the neighbour pays for that. It sounds as though it would be more convenient for your mother not to have the hassle of randomers looking for neighbour’s house.

A gps address is what people expect at this point. If you don’t like the sign your neighbor is putting up, then work with them to find a sign solution that is acceptable. A sign of some sort really is a necessity though. They can be done well and respectfully to other people’s property. My ILs have one at the beginning of their lane with a little guide to each home.

.

I’m wondering if in the long run they can get the house added to the gps system somehow.

@PurdeytheDog He needs to put clear signage outside his own property to catch the attention of his visitors
We are in the country side with a single postcode for the whole village (it centres on the pub) and most houses are named, not numbered. We have house names on our gates to the road so clear to someone looking out for us. We also give decent directions and a brief description of what the house looks like.
If I'm visiting someone in another village or out in the wilds, I will check streetview so I know where I'm going

There's no need for this man to attach signs to your property.
He sounds arrogant and obnoxious.
Remove his signs.

Hmm, is this some crafty ad for WhatThreeWords. If it isn’t it should be

WHATTHREEWORDS This takes all the guess work out if directions

I live rurally in a similar arrangement (houses some distance apart) and about 6 properties share the same postcode. We manage fine without resorting to nailing signs on neighbours trees. I'll give delivery drivers / visitors guidance on how to spot our house, or will sometimes tell them that i will leave the green bin outside to help them pinpoint us 🤷‍♀️

You’re the pita, not the neighbour. Get a hobby!

I'd be annoyed about the tree. There's several types of sign he can erect quite cheaply without damaging anything.
We've just moved somewhere difficult to find and it's just been made worse by our idiot neighbour suddenly (after 40yrs living there) deciding to change his house name to one almost identical to ours. Now we've found our address has disappeared off postal/address systems and been replaced with his .
I think we're going to go with one of those arrow signs at the bottom of the track to try to direct people.

I'd be happy with a discreet sign, but not on the tree. You need to come up with something that helps everyone.

Let him have the sign. It is of non detriment to you and will be beneficial to your mum if there are less incorrect visitors. He may be giving good directions but some people are shit at following them.

It’s not worth a bad neighbour relationship over.

Even if you think he’s a bit of an arse just agree to it. It keeps him away from you/off your back. Win, win!

@Sitchervice

I think what bothers me the most out of this is that they tried to tell YOU what YOUR last name was. (Well told your brother but still)

Maybe her surname is Bucket!

I live in a rural area and there are mad signs on LOADS of houses. Some of them are delightfully passive aggressive . Some are hand painted wood, some are “proper” signs, none are plastic wallets screwed to trees.

Your mum can get a sign and put it not screwed to a tree. “This is Betty and Roger. Simon is 500yards further on”

I’ve lived here nearly 30 years and I still peer. If it’s not through bathroom or bedroom windows or with night vision goggles then who cares?

@Freddiefox

Soto try to stop the wrong people knocking on your mums door and disturbing her, your new neighbour thought it would be a good idea to put a sign up saying this way to my house.

I really can’t see the problem to be honest and think it’s a good idea.

If you don’t like it, is there anywhere else he can put the sign that doesn’t cause you stress.

I agree, I imagine that if the last people had lived there for 30 years most of their visitors knew which their house was without using sat navy and postcodes, and that they were able to direct any new visitors accordingly. I think your new neighbours are trying to preempt problems, both with visitors and deliveries and that in the long term a permanent sign would be a good idea for all of you.

If the tree belongs to your property then YANBU to object to the new neighbour attaching things to it.
If the tree isn't yours, YABU to think your desire for no sign overrides your neighbour's desire for a sign.

That said, your neighbour is being ridiculous If he really is only giving his name and the postcode instead of a means by which visitors and deliveries can identify his property. In your situation, and assuming the tree does belong to you, I think I would be inclined to put together a printout of info/suggestions of ways his visitors can more easily locate his home e.g.
Three properties share postcode SY10 9XY. Deliveries and visitors need to be given the individual property name as per the Royal Mail records i.e.
The Cottage, Little London Lane, Shropshire SY10 9XY.

To request permission for a roadside sign for The Cottage, contact the Highways department at Shropshire Council.

Alternatively, you may wish to add a what3words address below your house name:
The Cottage,
///blankets.mastering.solved
Little London Lane,
Shropshire,
SY10 9XY.

Pop round to the neighbour to give the info sheet to him and at the same time, let him know the tree belongs* to your property and that you do not want anything fixed to it/other parts of your property.
*only if it does, obviously. If it doesn't, he will need to apply to the tree owner or to the council if he wants to put a sign up.

We don't live at all rurally - there are over 200 houses on our street - and even with the house number and postcode, people using satnav invariably end up in the street behind us because they don't check their satnav is taking them to our street! When I give out my address, I always tell people to go by the house number rather than the postcode.

He should apply for a postcode. I think you can. But YABU about the sign. It's there to help people not disturb your Mother.

Do you own the tree? If not, yabu

If you do, I would allow the sign to stay there for the first few months, then get rid of it.