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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if anyone has met a partner whilst being overweight?

64 replies

sonjinthecity · 04/09/2021 19:20

I am 29 and 15 stone, I have insulin resistant PCOS which makes it that much harder however I am not using that as an excuse. Just 5 years ago I was 9 stone and was having lots of 'flings', fun and some serious relationships thrown in. I have now not had sex in three years, I feel like no man will be interested in me because of my weight - my stomach is massive - so I just don't try anymore.

Looking for experiences of people that have met their partner whilst being overweight. I'm at a point in my life where I would like to meet someone and settle down but I always put it off until I lose the weight which doesn't seem to be happening. I don't want time to tick by and I waste it.

OP posts:
Xmassprout · 04/09/2021 19:23

Not sure how heavy I was, but I was overweight when I met my now husband. Was a size 16

sofiathe2nd · 04/09/2021 19:24

Yes, I was 17 stone when I met my husband. 13 stone when we got married and now back to 17 again.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2021 19:25

People of all sizes find love! My friend recently started dating a gorgeous woman who’s much bigger than you. They met on bumble.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/09/2021 19:27

Other way round. My now husband was fat when we met. Fell in love almost instantly. He’s still fat 33 years on, still love him.

Lots of people will be more interested in who you are.

TrashKitten10 · 04/09/2021 19:29

If you believe that nobody could ever find you attractive at your current weight then you've admitted defeat before even trying.

Some men prefer slimmer women, some prefer bigger women and some men are happy with either so of course it's possible to find someone when you're overweight.

Try to build your confidence and focus on what you like about yourself instead of the things you don't like. Make sure your clothes fit you at your current size, not the size you want to be or were a few years ago. Be brave and put yourself out there to find dates. You are just as deserving of romance at 15st as you were at 9st :)

PermanentTemporary · 04/09/2021 19:29

Overweight, yes, I was 3kg off being obese (unfortunately now 3kg over, but fighting hard).

So, so much of dating is confidence. And smiling; there's a reason men tell random women to smile - I'm not condoning that, but a happy looking woman is a honeypot for men.

So find things to build your confidence and happiness. Unfortunately I do find my confidence soars if I can lose even a little weight or start regular exercise.

peppercorn15 · 04/09/2021 19:30

I have, I was overweight when we met 6 years ago and still overweight on our wedding day Smile not something that really ever comes up in conversation to be honest either of our weights now or at the beginning

lunar1 · 04/09/2021 19:30

I was almost 17 stone when I met my husband, he's a healthy weight. I'm 12.5 stone and seem to be stable. I don't think DH minds either way.

GreenWillow · 04/09/2021 19:31

Of course people meet partners when overweight.

The unfortunate reality is though, that you’ll have a far larger pool from which to choose if you are a normal weight.

Why not lost the weight and then start to look? Being overweight puts you on the back foot in the dating game, and IMO vulnerable to twats who will take advantage.

Coronado2 · 04/09/2021 19:32

I'm not sure exactly how heavy I was when I met my dh, but a couple years into our relationship I was 18st 10lbs and I don't think I had really changed weight.
I was aware of one of his friends at the time trying to encourage him not to get with me, but he never seemed to find it a problem and has never ever mentioned my weight in a negative way.

Justcashnosweets · 04/09/2021 19:33

Yep, I was a size 18 when I met my OH, I'm a size 22 10 years later, and he still fancies me!

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/09/2021 19:34

Actually, given that most of the population of the UK is overweight, things wouldn’t look too good population wise if larger people didn’t fall in love.
Honestly, if you live someone weight really doesn’t put you off.
Concern about their health later on might kick in but that’s a whole different question.

Mousecapade · 04/09/2021 19:35

Yes and he says he doesn’t care if I don’t lose weight either

Bells3032 · 04/09/2021 19:36

I was nearly 17 St, size 24 and at the biggest I have ever been (I'm only 5'3") when I met dh. I've never been happier in my life. He is wonderful and treats me like a princess. When I was a size 8 I only attracted lunatic, selfish men

Yummiliscious · 04/09/2021 19:39

I met my husband when he was overweight and I was skinny! Now we are both just fat, he is to blame!

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 04/09/2021 19:40

Seriously, don't worry over this. I felt that way when I went back on online dating after my divorce. My ex husband used to call me a fat fuck and and said I was disgusting, so my confidence was pretty low. I was a size 10 when we met and a 16 when we divorced (interestingly he's gone on to marry someone who needed a gastric bypass and he's overweight himself).

I had no issues finding dates/relationships. No one except me ever mentioned my weight. My DP only weighs 9 stone (!!!) and I'm about 14st. He doesn't even notice my weight. I do still complain about my weight but I'm starting to accept it and also that he finds me attractive anyway.

WhensomeonementionsMN · 04/09/2021 19:41

I’ve always been overweight I’ve had 3 LTR and 2 children.

OhWhatsTheDifference · 04/09/2021 19:41

I've been every size from 12-18 and my husband has loved me every day. I was 15 and a half stone when I got pregnant the first time.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 04/09/2021 19:41

@sonjinthecity

It's interesting isn't it? I'm 2 stone over my ideal weight at the moment and have been putting off OLD until I lose it (or at least 1!).. but it's mainly about I feel about myself. I carry myself completely differently (both mentally and physically) when I feel better how I look and it gives me so much confidence. Not saying this is right / wrong or how it should be. It just is how it is for me.

On the other side I have a friend who weighs at least 4 stone more than me. Her confidence is amazing and she has met someone on OLD who she is really happy with.

Our 2 situations demonstrate how it really is all in the mind and not outwardly how others perceive you. I wish I was more like my friend!

MatildaIThink · 04/09/2021 19:42

Being larger generally limits one's options when it come to men, there are fewer available and one usually has to accept similar characteristics in a partner, eg. it is rare to see someone slim or fit with an overweight or obese partner.

That being said te biggest part might be you are not happy in your skin so that will get in the way of finding a partner more than the being overweight itself. If you are not happy with yourself then you need to fix that first before trying to find a partner, either by getting your weight to where you want it to be or by finding some kind of self acceptance.

TheGoogleMum · 04/09/2021 19:52

I have a friend who was a size 20 who didn't seem to have much trouble finding men (usually very skinny men!). She's since lost half her body weight but she's with the same partner she had when she was overweight

Siameasy · 04/09/2021 19:53

Surely the same % of men looking for love are overweight so provided you don’t mind a man that’s carrying an extra 6 stone….the annoying thing is men tend to be taller and carry it better. I also find men are less bothered and joke about being fat etc

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 04/09/2021 19:59

I was 16 hrs old and a size 18 when I met my husband, have varied up to size 24 and currently size 16. That's over the 21 years we've been together.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 04/09/2021 19:59

16 yrs old that should say. Bloody autocorrect!

orangejuicer · 04/09/2021 20:05

12st to start with. 11 years, one baby and 5 stone later (argh) he's still here. I also have PCOS so I can understand how you feel.

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