Page 2 | To ask if anyone has met a partner whilst being overweight?

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 04/09/2021 20:05

Gosh some of the sentiments expressed in this thread are very depressing.

OP - don’t wait til you fit some external measurement of approval before you start your life. Any man who doesn’t like you as you are isn’t worth your time anyway.

nonevernotever · 04/09/2021 20:13

I can't remember how much I weighed when I met my now DH but I was certainly either overweight or obese . I think I was. Size 16-18 at the time. He is and has always been slim/fit. But you know what? He loves me for who I am, and still fancies me after 30 years together. I'd previously been in relationships that were defined by my weight. DH has never once made me think that his feelings for me are Defined by my weight in the scales .

Merryoldgoat · 04/09/2021 20:21

Yes. I was about that weight when I met DH. I was 26, he was 23. We’ve been together 16 years and I’m fatter now.

He was extremely fit and good looking when we met (still is but also fatter now) and he never has been concerned about my weight except for health reasons.

OldGreyBoots · 04/09/2021 20:30

I was a size 16 when I met DP, currently around a 20 and he's still definitely attracted to me (though I don't see it myself ). He's been very slim the whole time.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 04/09/2021 20:35

Yes, i'm currently 18 stone, partner cant be more than 9 stone, hes a size small in everything, his belt size is like my bloody thigh measurement :' (.

WTFisNext · 04/09/2021 20:38

I was a size 22 meeting me now husband. I wasn't looking for anything then he stumbled into a private party and we've been together since.

I'm the only overweight person he's ever been with. My husband isn't bothered by my size, but his family are arseholes about it.

If anything he's finding my losing weight quite weird because he's never seen me this small in over 20 years!

Ozanj · 04/09/2021 20:38

@sonjinthecity

I am 29 and 15 stone, I have insulin resistant PCOS which makes it that much harder however I am not using that as an excuse. Just 5 years ago I was 9 stone and was having lots of 'flings', fun and some serious relationships thrown in. I have now not had sex in three years, I feel like no man will be interested in me because of my weight - my stomach is massive - so I just don't try anymore.

Looking for experiences of people that have met their partner whilst being overweight. I'm at a point in my life where I would like to meet someone and settle down but I always put it off until I lose the weight which doesn't seem to be happening. I don't want time to tick by and I waste it.

I have pcos, thyroid issues and met DH during my morbidly obese days and indeed had lots of boyfriends back then. I have been really, almost scrupulously, well groomed, skincare, regular hair cuts, make up, regular body hair removal, and well dressed. It also helped that I exercised so my fat was less wobbly - even while morbidly obese I was only a size 18 and had a defined waist.

I’m now much, much smaller and lighter

WTFisNext · 04/09/2021 20:40

My not me stupid auto correct

audweb · 04/09/2021 20:41

@Siameasy

Surely the same % of men looking for love are overweight so provided you don’t mind a man that’s carrying an extra 6 stone….the annoying thing is men tend to be taller and carry it better. I also find men are less bothered and joke about being fat etc

Not necessarily the case. I’m overweight. My last LTR was never overweight, and my last few flings have definitely not been.

LowlyTheWorm · 04/09/2021 20:50

Your worth is not measured in pounds and ounces. You are not your weight. Of course someone can meet and fall in love with someone who is overweight- but it’s the person they should be falling in love with. Not the figure. Bodies change and most of us don’t improve with age so what’s inside is vital.
Fwiw I met my husband when I was a similar age @sonjinthecity and was already at a slimming class. We met and then couldn’t see each other again for months- in that time I lost 1.5 stones. When he saw me again he didn’t mention it. I brought it up and he said he hadnt noticed. He genuinely doesn’t notice and fell in love with me- for who I am. (Weirdo!)

Asthenia · 04/09/2021 20:51

I’ve been fat my whole life - had several relationships and have always had men interested. My current partner has always gone to the gym and also runs marathons etc so we’re quite different. It sounds so trite OP but it’s hard when you don’t “love yourself” (I.e. feel confident). I’ve always been very confident and outgoing which j think is a big part of it. I imagine it’s much harder when you have been slim and suddenly you’re not, but trust me fat people have just as much fun, flings, sex and serious relationships as thin ones. Not sure what to suggest confidence-wise but I really hope you feel better.

0hMy · 04/09/2021 20:54

I did! I had a BMI of 32 when I met DH ten years ago. I’d had a few flings at the same weight, too. My BMI is now around 22/23. I know the physical appearance of someone is usually the instant attraction, but relationships are built on much more than that.

Happyfeet1972 · 04/09/2021 21:04

Yep,was about 6 stone overweight but feeling good about myself having lost 1.5 stone. He's not an unattractive man either- slightly overweight but talking 1 stone not 6. I never felt any less deserving because of my weight but met DH on OLD and came across some knobheads before I found him. On OLD I was always up front about my weight, shared full length pics etc - saves a lot of time in the long run.

Boshmama · 04/09/2021 21:06

Me! I was 18 and overweight, now 33 and obese 2 children later. I’ve been all sizes in between and it’s never made a difference to our relationship. My husband is very fit now, and has at points been smaller and larger (although never overweight) and it’s never changed how I feel about him either

ohthatbloodycat · 04/09/2021 21:17

I'm 15 stone at 5'4. I'm currently dieting, and dating will be put on hold until I've lost a stone or two. I don't want to date at my current weight, and that's that. I feel very strongly that I will attract a better match when feeling more confident and happy in myself. And let's be honest here, the majority of men prefer slim women. Sure, there will be the odd exception, but generally speaking ...

MrsRobbieHart · 04/09/2021 21:19

I find this a really silly question. Of course people meet partners when they’re overweight!! Do you really think overweight people never meet anyone? How absurd.

Lockdownpudding · 04/09/2021 21:20

@Yummiliscious

I met my husband when he was overweight and I was skinny! Now we are both just fat, he is to blame!

Ohh this happened to me too!

Dinkydonk55 · 04/09/2021 21:22

I was quite big when I met my husband. I then lost a lot of weight but when I regained it was very glad I’d not met him at my lowest.
You can continue to work on your health but why not put yourself out there and see if you can meet someone now.

TheUnexpectedPickle · 04/09/2021 21:29

I’ve been at least a size 14 for the past 10 years. Since I came out of a LTR 5 years ago I’ve had loads of fun- flings, one nighters, hook ups, relationships and have been with DP for 2 years. I’ve put on 3 stone since I met him and am now an 18. He gives no fucks.

My 2 LTRs wore me down. When the second one finished, I decided I needed to shake off insecurities and “fake it till I make it” confidence wise. I’ve not been short of male attention since, and I’m still not. Confidence makes you attractive!

For what it’s worth, most of the guys I’ve been with were tall and skinny. DP is shorter and in very good shape and is conventionally handsome, so I don’t think it’s anything to do with the type of guy either.

Don’t overthink OP. You’re gorgeous just as you are. But if you want to get in shape (which I do but not as much as I want to eat pizza and drink wine), that’s ok too. It’s all about what gives you confidence :-)

RickJames · 04/09/2021 21:33

There's plenty of men that like a bit extra. You can't control other people's taste but i know for a fact that some men like a bit extra. Theyve told me! And I'm skinny and married so they weren't trying to flatter me. PCOS is a bitch, my friend has it. Funnily enough, her skinny husband still worships her. Honestly, I think you'll be fine xx

WeightlossKin · 04/09/2021 21:36

It's definitely a confidence issue. People are attracted to confidence and if you don't feel beautiful and sexy, you give off that vibe. "Nobody can love you until you love yourself" and all that! Also PCOS sucks. I have PCOS too. You can definitely lose weight, don't give up! It just takes longer.
I've never had an issue attracting people despite my weight.
First boyfriend, four year relationship - between 19 and 16 stone the whole time (I'm 5'3 so very clearly unhealthily overweight and LOOKED it).

Met my husband when I was 17ish stone 8 years ago, but was 14 and a half stone a year later. Have managed to pile on the pounds over the last year and a half and just trying to shift it again now!

Katiebee008 · 04/09/2021 21:38

I'm a size 20 and was when I met my DP last year. I was also a size 20 when I was dating someone else last year til he moved away. Both are slim and incredibly attractive.

randomchap · 04/09/2021 21:40

My late wife was about 15 stone when we met, her weight fluctuated between 10 and 20, up and down over the years. I loved her the same at all weights.

Pebbledashery · 04/09/2021 21:53

Not me, but a colleague at work is 26 stone, she met her partner off tinder and they got married last week, her husband is 11 stone.
I wouldn't worry too much, love comes in all shapes and sizes.

Serenity45 · 05/09/2021 00:02

I was 35 and about 14 stone (at 5 foot 2 ) when I met DH. He is 6 years younger than me, v good looking and goes to the gym most days. Real spark from our first date and together 11 years later. I've fluctuated a bit weightwise over the years but I genuinely like myself and never traded on my looks even when I was a pretty attractive size 10. I've also gone out with people who I would say were less conventionally attractive than me but honestly, a sense of humour and kindness can never be overrated.

That's a really long winded way of saying don't worry OP