Am I doing the right thing by avoiding her? This is hurting

[Helpppmeeee]

I wrote this thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4335935-Can-she-take-my-baby?msgid=110368150

Long story short, mum bought baby first shoes without asking me or telling me, went to take him to get fitted on their ‘day out’ and posted photos all over Facebook. When I said it hurt said I was a bad mum and became threatening and told me ‘let the games begin’ when I said we would be reducing contact for a while. Became very verbally aggressive and threatening, so I cut contact.

Have since had no apology, but two texts asking to see my son. I am either ignoring or saying no. Nursery is aware of situation so she cannot collect him, and have told health visitor about threatening messages.

But I feel awfully guilty and like I’m being a monster by not allowing her to see my DS.

She’s acting like nothing happened

Thoughts?

She's expecting you to act as she has conditioned you to come to her, she can then act like the wounded party and you apologise and do what she wants.

Protect your DC and avoid her at all costs. Someone who threatens you shouldn't be allowed around your child and putting you in a vunrable and potential hostile situation

I voted you’re unreasonable referring to in the first place. She bought shoes. She was probably reliving her younger days when she was a new mum.

However I changed my mind and voted you’re not unreasonable because she’s behaved like an arsehole when you’ve expressed your opinion. She should have apologised and said she didn’t realise how it would make you feel. Not ranted. WTF. Who in their right mind does that.

Oh and why did she say you were a bad mum? What’s the rest of the story. What had you allegedly done?

When I said it hurt said I was a bad mum and became threatening and told me ‘let the games begin’ when I said we would be reducing contact for a while you can't expose your child to someone like this. You are doing the right thing.

Do you think she feels bad about the way she’s treated you? Honestly, you’re doing the right thing by keeping your distance. I’m sorry it’s hard, it would be lovely if she would change but I don’t think that’s at all likely and so you have to protect yours and your DCs best interests.

I went nc with my dm. She didn't see my dc either.. She tried contacting /writing to my oldest dc via a school friend's address! Left her a VM saying to stop or I would seek legal advice..
Send your dm a stern email /text advising her to stay away and cease contact.. Then block her in all ways.
Your dc need you to protect them now more than ever.
As is your duty.
No harm will come to your dc by not having a dgm. The same can't be said if you allow any sort of contact..
Why would you offer up your dc to appease an abusive woman anyway?

You're not a monster
If someone was verbally abusive and threatening in the street, would you avoid them? Just because she's family doesn't exclude her from being a shitty person

Stay strong and hold on to your boundaries. It’s hard to enforce boundaries when someone keeps trying to cross them, because she doesn’t like it. She wants you to come running when she clicks her fingers because it’s what you e done in the past.

But you need to protect yourself from further upset so don’t let her bully you into letting her see your son. You’re his parent and you need to set a good example of boundary setting.

I remember your other thread. You’re doing the right thing. if you give in she’ll be intolerable. Be strong!

Your Mother is toxic, the best thing you can do for you and your child is to keep saying no.

Oh for heavens sake she threatened to report you to social services and to get legal custody if you didn't dance to her tune-why the hell would you feel guilty? You're 25 years old and you're a mother yourself now-please look into FOG and dysfunctional families and Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward.

Of course she's acting as if nothing had happened , its because she is minimising her behaviour. She wants things to stay the same and by acting as normal , she's getting her way.
You are allowed to say ' not today ' to her demands , or not answer the door / phone.

"Let the games begin"???? Seriously??
Sounds like she is a looney toon who wants to control you through your baby!!
I would steer clear indefinitely! As for depriving the little one of contact with her so what!!! You are the most important person in your child's life not nutty nana!!!

There was a thread the other day where people attested to how grandmothers had managed to take children and she sounds like she would be capable of anything so go no contact

Erm, no. When someone threatens to kidnap your child, obviously you should no longer let them see or contact that child. The only way this gets sticky is when they're the other parent and do have some rights over the child. Be glad that isn't the case here.

"Let the games begin"

Totally agree no contact. She can find someone else to play games with.

Your son will feel the hostility between you.

She needs to provide you with a sincere apology.

First and foremost you are a mother now, and that means protecting your child.

What if you hand him over and she doesn’t give him back or some other ‘game’ or plan she has thought up? How would you feel?

You are conditioned to feel guilt so that you will do as she tells you, feeling a little bit of misplaced guilt is nothing to how you would feel handing your child over to make her happy, not knowing if she will hand him back.

No, she sounds narcissistic and toxic and the only way to preserve your own mental
Health and happiness is to go no contact.
And protect your children from her. Also
Nc with my mother

You are 100% doing the right thing x

Im sure it is hurting, you're challenging a dynamic that's been allowed to play out for a really long time. I'm going to assume she's used to being able to say whatever she likes to or about you and then sweep it under the rug when it's convenient for her to forget about it?

This is absolutely the right thing for your son. You cannot trust someone who sees him as a game or a prize to be won to care for him. This is the best way you can protect him right now. As he grows up, it will hurt him to see someone he loves being treated like this by a person who is supposed to care for them.

You are doing the right thing. She is not respecting your role as the mother. I wouldn’t let your dc alone with her without you.

You need to put in boundaries to protect you and your family. Don’t let her dictate what you do. She has no rights over your child.

She literally threatened to take away your child. When someone tells you what they're going to do, and it's kidnap your child, why the hell would you let them see your child!! You have a duty of care to that child. Your instinct to protect your child is 100 percent correct. Your mother is a master manipulator, and she is plainly good at wheedling, but the prime directive is: protect the child.

She is not a positive influence in your or your childs life.

Someon who threatens you is not someone you want around your family.

Stay away from her.