To think this age gap is too big?

Fernando072020 · 04/09/2021 18:54

Only you can really answer that. I can understand why you're second guessing but at the same time, my friend has been with her husband for 13 years and they have 20 years difference, still very happy so it can work out.

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 04/09/2021 18:55

It's completely up to you. Have you thought about what you will do if he dies first?

Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2021 18:55

You’ve been together for six months, that’s very, very early in a relationship when you’ve got a child - what stage are you at? Dating?

nc5698 · 04/09/2021 18:58

Are you having fun and enjoying yourself? Keep going!

furbabymama87 · 04/09/2021 18:59

For me it would be way too old. In 10 to 15 years time, things could be very different to the way they are now. But you have to do what's right for you. You're an adult capable of making decisions. Only you know if you want to be with this man and if he makes you happy. The opinions of others are irrelevant.

16purplecolour16 · 04/09/2021 18:59

The big shift in terms of mobility and fragility appears to me to occur 78 onwards. Until then, from what I observe, people are really dynamic.

RollaCola84 · 04/09/2021 18:59

@StarshipsAreMeantToFly that can happen anyway. One of my oldest friend's Dad died suddenly in his mid twenties, same age as her mum. Its more likely, but people die.

Original poster

advertiseme · 04/09/2021 19:00

@StarshipsAreMeantToFly

It's completely up to you. Have you thought about what you will do if he dies first?

It has entered my mind but I've not given it much thought as we are still in early stages. I would imagine I would be very heartbroken but no one knows the future so for all I know I could die tomorrow (hopefully not 🤣)

OP posts:

Original poster

advertiseme · 04/09/2021 19:01

@Pumperthepumper

You’ve been together for six months, that’s very, very early in a relationship when you’ve got a child - what stage are you at? Dating?

Yes dating, I will get a babysitter once during the week and we will do dinner etc and then I see him every second weekend when my child is at her dads. I basically stay with him Friday to Monday. He hasn't met my daughter yet.

OP posts:

LindaEllen · 04/09/2021 19:02

I was 27 and my partner 48 when we first met, so similar age gap. 4 years on and things are still great.

You need to be prepared for issues with him retiring sooner, aging soon, you potentially needing to care for him much earlier than other spouses might .. but if you go into it with your eyes open, do what makes you happy.

FlamesEmbersAshes · 04/09/2021 19:03

25 years is an awful lot. I’m not against age gaps at all (my partner is 12 years older) but I don’t think I’d be with him if the gap was so large.

I have one friend who married a man nearly 30 years than her. They had a wonderful 20 years together but he sadly died when he was 75 and she was late 40s. Their children were teenagers and understandably devastated. Of course, people can die at any age but choosing someone so much older as a life partner does make it that much more likely that you’ll be widowed while you are still relatively young.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/09/2021 19:06

I know 55 year olds who are fitter and healthier than 30 year olds.

As long as you both walk in with your eyes wide open and prepare for future eventualities (you could suffer from any number of debilitating illness that would facilitate him caring for you as well - sorry, not cheery but possible) and your daughter accepts him too, I think you should follow your heart.

There are only 6 years between my husband and I, we have been together for over 3 decades and I know that I will be his career one day, he struggles already. No one has guarantees, whatever their ages.

Would I change a thing if I’d had a crystal ball? Hell no. You won’t, either if you’ve had years of love and contentment together.

Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2021 19:07

Yes dating, I will get a babysitter once during the week and we will do dinner etc and then I see him every second weekend when my child is at her dads. I basically stay with him Friday to Monday. He hasn't met my daughter yet.

So then, I’d just enjoy dating. He might meet your daughter and they might not get on, he might decide he’s not happy to be a stepfather, you light decide the logistics of being together aren’t worth it.

I’d say it a bit weird you say you love him when he hasn’t met your daughter yet, you really seem to be rushing in.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/09/2021 19:07

Carer, not career (though he’d probably say I am hard work sometimes )

Faevern · 04/09/2021 19:07

Now, probably not in 15 years time I would say you will see a bigger difference. But if you’re having fun do you need to stop?

Givemethatknife · 04/09/2021 19:11

It’s a very big gap, when you are 35 and he is 60 you will be in very different life stages, and 15 years on from that you could be starting a decade of caring for him. Are you both quite well off? That will make dealing with whatever life throws at you easier.

I think it would be sensible to think of this as a relationship ‘for now’ for the next few years. If you hit 35 and still want to be with a 60 year old, then you might feel the disadvantages are worth it.

workshy44 · 04/09/2021 19:14

I would seriously question a man who would date someone so much younger - what’s wrong with women his own age or within a decade of it. Sorry but I think at your age you can do much better than to settle for an old man. No wonder he is nice , he has a women 25 years younger on his arm. They are probably high fiving him around the pub. You will waste your youth on him. Wake up in your 40’s and he will be almost 70 and your chances of meeting someone that much slimmer. It is so much easier to meet someone while you are young , there is so much more choice. Please don’t settle for this.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/09/2021 19:20

When did 54 become “an old man”?

Heruka · 04/09/2021 19:20

I’m in the shock horror camp I’m afraid. That is a massive age gap and you are in such different stages of life. How would it be for your daughter if the person who became her father figure was more of a grandfather figure? I definitely don’t think you’d be unreasonable to call it quits, especially before introducing your child.

Gensola · 04/09/2021 19:23

I’m 36 and my DH is 56, we are very happy. But only you can know if it works for you!

RandomMess · 04/09/2021 19:25

My exH has an age gap around that and seem very happy together 6 years on. I can't help think she's going to possibly have a lot of years being his carer though

Cruiser123 · 04/09/2021 19:25

It would be too much for me. My partner is 11 years older than me, so I'm not per se against age gaps, but 25 years is an awful lot.

00100001 · 04/09/2021 19:27

@advertiseme

I am 29, I have been with my partner for 6 months who is 54. Our relationship is the most loving and healthiest and 'normal' I've ever been in. I have one daughter who is 8 and don't want anymore so that is not a problem. However, I'm sick of being met with shock horror and lots of intrusive questions when I tell people how old my partner is.

I'm also starting to think of the future, he's very active at the moment as am I but I'm thinking in 20 years time (all going well) that won't be the case. I love him and am so very happy but I'm not sure if it's too big a gap and I should use my head rather than heart.

AIBU to think about calling it quits over the future?

As long as you're cool with your DD having a very old step dad, like he'll be 60 when she's a teenager.

And if you fine with having a 75yo husband when you're 49.

Go for it.

readytosell · 04/09/2021 19:27

Probably wouldn't be for me personally, but if it was a friend asking me as long as he was kind and treats you well I'd be happy for you regardless.

Society will always judge about everything.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/09/2021 19:29

“As long as you're cool with your DD having a very old step dad, like he'll be 60 when she's a teenager.”

My 18 year old son’s real dad is 63. What’s the big deal?