To think this age gap is too big?

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I am 29, I have been with my partner for 6 months who is 54. Our relationship is the most loving and healthiest and 'normal' I've ever been in. I have one daughter who is 8 and don't want anymore so that is not a problem. However, I'm sick of being met with shock horror and lots of intrusive questions when I tell people how old my partner is.

I'm also starting to think of the future, he's very active at the moment as am I but I'm thinking in 20 years time (all going well) that won't be the case. I love him and am so very happy but I'm not sure if it's too big a gap and I should use my head rather than heart.

AIBU to think about calling it quits over the future?

Way too old. He’s a different generation to you. That may not be an issue now, but it could be years down the line.

I’d concentrate on your DD right now and look for a relationship with someone your own age when the time is right. If you were really happy with him you wouldn’t need to post on here.

I personally wouldn't. I wouldn't want to be caring for someone at 50 years old if not 45 / 40 fk that

Kuachui

I personally wouldn't. I wouldn't want to be caring for someone at 50 years old if not 45 / 40 fk that“

Oh dear. Hope your health doesn’t fail when your 40. It happens, you know.

* I would seriously question a man who would date someone so much younger - what’s wrong with women his own age or within a decade of it. Sorry but I think at your age you can do much better than to settle for an old man. No wonder he is nice , he has a women 25 years younger on his arm. They are probably high fiving him around the pub. You will waste your youth on him.*

^I agree with this.

When you're 45 he'll be 70. That's my / my parents' ages. I still feel really young, whereas their health is starting to fail. I cannot imagine being with a 70 year old.

Being shallow, is he attractive, like Jeff Goldblum attractive?
Is the sex good?
Is he well off?
Does he have his own adult kids your age?

Because if you are happy and you find him attractive and he has enough money or investments to be solid/sorted when he is pension age and you are my age now (50), then it isn't worth worrying about how long it will last, not all relationships last 20+ years in any case.
I'd enjoy it for now and if it becomes something deeper then make sure you are financially provided for.
Otherwise enjoy the now without hassle or a self-imposed time limit.

It’s too much of an age gap. Way too much.

But if you were my daughter the advice would obviously be what the hell, ad, do you have daddy issues or what?!

[quote RollaCola84]@StarshipsAreMeantToFly that can happen anyway. One of my oldest friend's Dad died suddenly in his mid twenties, same age as her mum. Its more likely, but people die.[/quote]
Yes I do know this unfortunately. But it is more likely he will die before her if they are both going to die of age related illness etc.

Have age gap relationships become more common since the pandemic? There seems to be several MN threads lately.

I genuinely thought that you meant that you didn’t want your daughter anymore and so she wasn’t a problem! I was reading astounded that no one thought that was an issue
My partner is 18 years older than me, I sometimes worry about being alone when I am older I’ll be honest.

My mum and dad have 14 years between them, they’ve been married for 50+ years, are very happy, have 3 children, multiple grandchildren. My dad is 90 and is a lot fitter and more energetic than my mum.

@Ijustknowitstimetogo

Have age gap relationships become more common since the pandemic? There seems to be several MN threads lately.

I was wondering the same. There seems to be a thread like this on a near daily basis.

And in answer to the OP's questions. Yes, of course he is too old for you. Way too old.

My sister has an age gap of 31 years between her and her partner. They clash sometimes on parenting their children but that's a generation thing (think how view's are different between you and your grandparents on parenting 😂) but apart from that you would never know how much older he was, he's aged well, still fit as a fiddle, still working etc. If it works then age is just a number.

@ifoundthebread

My sister has an age gap of 31 years between her and her partner. They clash sometimes on parenting their children but that's a generation thing (think how view's are different between you and your grandparents on parenting 😂) but apart from that you would never know how much older he was, he's aged well, still fit as a fiddle, still working etc. If it works then age is just a number.

If age is 'just a number' why don't we have an equal number of posts from women in their 50s dating men a quarter of a century their junior?

Seems age is 'just a number' only when the man is older.

I’m 29 and my dad is 54.. no, just no.

Ultimately it’s a totally different time of life. It may not show now but I’m sure it will at some stage.

I was married to someone older. I divorced him not because he was old, but because he was vile.

My sister is 30 and is living with a 54 year old. It’s gross to see to be honest. It looks like she’s out with her dad whenever we see them.
In conversation every band he mentions, she’s never heard of. She’s constantly commenting about the age gap. It’s such a huge gap.
He left his wife and kids for her and they are jealous and possessive with each other because they don’t trust each other. It’s a car crash of a relationship.

It’s really up to you and what you feel about it- including dealing with people’s responses. Obviously you get young people who are ill and unhealthy and old people who run marathons but in most cases in the long term he will get frail before you and it’s something to consider but that will be decades away.

Look at 33 year old men and ask what you would think if they were dating your daughter in 21 years time. You would think she would be compromising her youth and wonder why he would want to date someone younger than he is now, in 21 years time.

@nc5698

Are you having fun and enjoying yourself? Keep going!

I agree. No one know what lies ahead. You’re happy, it’s working well, and that’s what’s important.

Live your lives well. If something happens in years to come, you’ll get through it then.

From a different perspective, my DF ( widower ) met and married a much younger woman ( 20 years different )
He , sadly became ill with dementia in his 80s , she was a healthy 60ish , and she spent a couple of years trying her best to care for him before he ended up bed ridden ( and horribly clueless , not knowing anyone and incontinent ) in a nursing home
She loved him and looked after him , but it’s not a life I’d like

Nobody has guarantees in life, and I think grab your happiness where you can, as long as you have your eyes open...and it sounds like you have.

I’ve known someone for several years who has a partner 20+ years older.

The older person is now very frail and the younger parter is now in the role of carer but also still working as they aren’t yet old enough to retire.

It’s very difficult for them. It’s not a situation I would want to be in.

Why potentially stop yourself from years of happy times just in case? You may get ill and he may be fit well into his 80s, you just never know.

My partner is 18 years older than me, been together for 21 years. Even though it scares me to think about losing him, I wouldn't ever go back in time and do things differently if I could as the good times outweigh my worries a million fold.