Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think they should of put towards my birthday?

72 replies

Mowiejo · 04/09/2021 15:56

Bit of a clickbaity title but bear with.

I have a group of 4 friends I’d say we’re pretty close. For everyone’s past birthdays we’ve split it three ways meaning the birthday girl wasn’t paying anything. Not taxis, food, drinks, hotel. This was fine with me because we didn’t do presents, we all earn reasonably enough.

It was my birthday and I planned it, whereas they would usually plan the persons birthday. They asked me what I had planned so I just arranged a trip to another city, stayed in a hotel. Kind of what we always do, nothing extraordinary, about the same costs of previous birthdays. We went for a meal and they brought me a drink. I didn’t really think anything of it

Now another birthday has popped up, I asked are we splitting it, they said yes. I don’t know why but it annoyed me, obviously I’m not entitled to have anyone spend any money on me. I don’t mind paying my share but I feel shitty that the effort is never made for me. I want to say something but don’t want to come across as a brat

OP posts:

Solo · 04/09/2021 15:59

Have they chipped in for you before your last birthday, or do they never do it for you specifically?

Original poster

Mowiejo · 04/09/2021 16:00

Last birthday was lockdown, so we just sat outside with a picnic and drinks outside. They did pay for that

OP posts:

HTH1 · 04/09/2021 16:08

I would say we all paid our own way for my birthday so let’s do the same again this time.

Original poster

Mowiejo · 04/09/2021 16:14

I don’t mind paying for the birthday girl and I feel like if I say that I will look bad.

It’s more so why didn’t they do that for me

OP posts:

HawksAreRed · 04/09/2021 16:19

@Mowiejo

I don’t mind paying for the birthday girl and I feel like if I say that I will look bad.

It’s more so why didn’t they do that for me

Sounds rubbish. I guess you have three options

1: Say you're not going/ only paying for yourself
2: Ask them
3: Carry on forking out for their birthdays and making yourself feel rubbish.

Ilovecaviar · 04/09/2021 16:25

Defo say something. Cheeky gits.

Lucifersleeps · 04/09/2021 16:25

Just ask them - why are we splitting this birthday when I paid for my own one?
Maybe the difference is you organised your own rather than someone else sorting it.

ThatsNotMyReindeer · 04/09/2021 16:26

If you organised it, did you pay and then they paid you their shares?

selflove · 04/09/2021 16:31

What's the plans for the new birthday?

They all paid the costs for picnic and drinks for the last birthday (super cheap - to cover birthday girl would be less than £10) and bought you a drink for yours (again, less than £10). So surely you've been treated the same as the last person?

It looks a bit cheeky if the last person did an outside picnic for theirs and for yours you expected a night away in a hotel with a meal and drinks.

WestendVBroadway · 04/09/2021 16:32

Just say, "Oh I didn't realise we were still splitting birthday girl's bill this year, we didn't for mine." See what they say.

Summersun2020 · 04/09/2021 16:34

@WestendVBroadway

Just say, "Oh I didn't realise we were still splitting birthday girl's bill this year, we didn't for mine." See what they say.

Ooh yes this. Also

to you OP x

FreeBritnee · 04/09/2021 16:35

Honestly can’t see any way for you to say what you want to say without your three friends talking about it negatively behind your back. If you wish to continue the friendship as it is I would suck it up.

Original poster

Mowiejo · 04/09/2021 16:39

My birthday in 2020 we had a picnic. This year we went to hotels for everyone’s birthday so far. There’s only one birthday girl left and it’s been decided to do the same.

I did run through prices for my birthday just gone, I booked then everyone sent their money.

I do think I can’t really bring it up without looking a bit spoiled.

I did think because I’d organised mine they didn’t bother but it was all about the same price as we usually pay, and if I left it to them we wouldn’t of done anything

OP posts:

Pleasekeeptotheright · 04/09/2021 16:40

You shouldn't have asked if you were splitting it? You should've said, oh I assumed we weren't doing that anymore as I paid for my own.

Pleasekeeptotheright · 04/09/2021 16:41

Why do you all book for the others but they don't book for you?

I'd have to tell them if it had upset me tbh

Original poster

Mowiejo · 04/09/2021 16:43

I have no idea why they asked me what my plans were rather than a semi surprise

OP posts:

TwinsandTrifle · 04/09/2021 16:45

I did run through prices for my birthday just gone, I booked then everyone sent their money.

I'm lost. They did send money and pay? What specifically didn't they pay for that they would have for someone else? Equally, what did they pay for?

iolaus · 04/09/2021 16:48

Out of interest did you when you told them what 'their share' was did you actually tell them you were splitting it 4 ways rather than the usual 3?

Could it be that they assumed you knew it was always split so when you told them it was £100 each (or whatever) they thought they were covering your bill?

Original poster

Mowiejo · 04/09/2021 16:50

So usually we cover the birthday girls costs too. So all costs we would split 1/3 each.

For my birthday they knew because I actually said I spent more on my friends birthday than my own birthday.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 04/09/2021 16:52

@Mowiejo

So usually we cover the birthday girls costs too. So all costs we would split 1/3 each.

For my birthday they knew because I actually said I spent more on my friends birthday than my own birthday.

That doesn't mean they know. They could've taken that to mean "thanks for the birthday treat - I've had a cheap one this year because you paid for me."

Did you tell them the cost and say "£x amount each" or "split 4 ways"?

I'd assume they thought they'd paid for your birthday...

crumblebug · 04/09/2021 16:53

Sounds like the others are closer than you.

Mammaaof · 04/09/2021 16:55

Are you sure they know they didn't pay for your birthday? If you just said it's £x amount I would have assumed that you'd split it 3 ways rather than 4

TwinsandTrifle · 04/09/2021 16:58

Am I being really thick? If you ran through the prices for your birthday just gone, booked it, then everyone sent you their money, do you mean (eg) it was £100 per person, and they all sent you £100. Whereas for other people, they'd have sent you £133, to cover themselves and their third of the birthday girl?

Is it you that always books these things, for your birthday and theirs? Have the others ever done the booking/arranging?

TwinsandTrifle · 04/09/2021 17:02

Yes that makes a big difference, did you say, the total for the four of us is £400. In which case they'd know to split by 3. Or did you say it's £100 each and they assumed you'd already added your portion to that, so by paying the £100 they had paid for you.

Solo · 04/09/2021 17:07

@WestendVBroadway

Just say, "Oh I didn't realise we were still splitting birthday girl's bill this year, we didn't for mine." See what they say.

I think OP meant for her birthday during lockdown last year.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread