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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if this is what she meant?

64 replies

RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 14:15

Worked with a new member of staff the other day that had been hired in my absence (I’m her manager but was only back for a KIT day - returning properly in a couple of months)

Lovely polish girl - speaks really good English. Having a chat and getting to know her she told me about her DS (age 8) and how she has absolutely no family around, it’s just the 2 of them. Later on in the conversation the issue of childcare came up and I asked who looks after her son while she’s working if he’s not at school (this was on a Saturday). She replied “sometimes he’ll maybe go to a friend or something but if not, no problem because he’s a smart boy”.

I didn’t really think anything of it at the time - we were quite busy and having broken conversation as we worked but now that I’m thinking about it - does that sound like he sometimes goes to a friend but if not then he’s left alone??

Obviously her home life is none of my business! But she was working a 9am-5.30pm shift as she does most weekends and I’d hate to think he’s home alone - especially for that length of time.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 04/09/2021 14:18

That really does sound as though he's left on his own.

Merryoldgoat · 04/09/2021 14:29

Yup. Left alone.

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 14:29

@HollowTalk

That really does sound as though he's left on his own.
@HollowTalk That’s what I’m thinking now too 😓 I don’t know how it didn’t register with me at the time!
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 04/09/2021 14:34

I don't know what you can do about that. If she's a single mum and working on a Saturday, how is she going to get childcare?

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 04/09/2021 14:34

Yes she leaves him at home

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 14:39

@HollowTalk

I don't know what you can do about that. If she's a single mum and working on a Saturday, how is she going to get childcare?
@HollowTalk I do the scheduling so it would be easy enough for me to move things around so that she’s only working during school hours. We’re a small team - everyone has children and has their own needs when it comes to childcare/shared custody arrangements etc so everyone really does go out of their way to help each other out so I’m sure the other staff would have no issue in things changing to accommodate her needs.

I’d need her to agree to it though so just wanted other peoples opinions on what had been said before I jump in and open my mouth and I’d just taken what she said wrongly!

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/09/2021 14:41

Does sound as though he’s left at home alone. Hard to know what you might be able to do about it though - probably nothing!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/09/2021 14:42

Oh missed your update - I might ask specifically if she needs her shifts moved so he’s not alone.

picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2021 14:43

You don't need to say it's because he's left alone- just ask whether she'd like it if her shifts could be juggled to avoid weekends.

Ellarain · 04/09/2021 14:45

Yes, he stays at home. Must be really hard for both of them. I'm sure she would prefer not to leave him but probably has no choice as she needs to work and has no childcare. Hopefully her son has food and is safe as he can be considering their is no adult around.

Comedycook · 04/09/2021 14:45

Yep sounds like he's left alone. Not something I would do orsomething I agree with although I know a few EE families and I will say I've noticed they don't mollycoddle their kids and expect them to be independent earlier than British families do.

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 14:50

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing @picklemewalnuts @Ellarain @Comedycook Thanks guys. It’s not something I’d personally feel comfortable doing either. And I’d hate to approach her about it and her feel she was being judged. I don’t feel comfortable just leaving it though so I will ask if it’s easier for her to work shifts during school hours.

OP posts:
Cryalot2 · 04/09/2021 14:52

Bless her sounds like she is doing her best for both of them. It also screams he is left alone.
As picklemewalnuts mentioned you just could as for what shifts suit her best.
Are there any after school clubs local or anything?

BoredZelda · 04/09/2021 14:54

Later on in the conversation the issue of childcare came up and I asked who looks after her son while she’s working if he’s not at school

I’d have been taken aback if my manager asked me what my childcare arrangements were. There are rules about that.

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 15:00

@BoredZelda

Later on in the conversation the issue of childcare came up and I asked who looks after her son while she’s working if he’s not at school

I’d have been taken aback if my manager asked me what my childcare arrangements were. There are rules about that.

@BoredZelda It was general conversation just getting to know each other and she started the conversation - I’ll be returning from Mat Leave and she was asking if my DC will be going to nursery or family while I work 😊 so I was simply carrying on the conversation. I certainly wouldn’t have asked from an employment point of view - her home life has nothing to do with me!
OP posts:
Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 15:04

@Cryalot2

Bless her sounds like she is doing her best for both of them. It also screams he is left alone. As picklemewalnuts mentioned you just could as for what shifts suit her best. Are there any after school clubs local or anything?
@Cryalot2 Yeah I’ll ask her 😊 I’d hate to think she feels she needs to do that when there is a solution to it! There definitely are after school clubs and childcare etc available locally but if she’s unable to use them for whatever reason then I’d rather try and change shifts to accommodate
OP posts:
Rewis · 04/09/2021 15:42

It does sound like he home alone. However, I don't know about Poland but up in Northern Europe where I'm from it's normal for children that age to be alone for several hours. Kids go out to hang out with friends, do homework, play games etc. So it's likely that it's not a big deal for her

GrimDamnFanjo · 04/09/2021 15:46

Perhaps you can have a conversation with her about the business supporting parents and enabling flexible working?
It's really great you are trying to help here.

Foreverinthenineties · 04/09/2021 15:49

I know someone who leaves their kids home too and she is polish too. The kids are 8 and 4.
She is single mother too. The older kid said this to all her school mates so everyone knows.
I would never do that, too dangerous in my opinion.

girlmom21 · 04/09/2021 15:58

@Foreverinthenineties

I know someone who leaves their kids home too and she is polish too. The kids are 8 and 4. She is single mother too. The older kid said this to all her school mates so everyone knows. I would never do that, too dangerous in my opinion.
She leaves her 8 & 4 year old home alone? She needs official help...
GreyEyedWitch · 04/09/2021 16:14

I was left at home from 8, and I had to look after my 6 and 4 year old siblings during the school holidays. We all survived but it's not something I plan to do with my own DC!

I'd offer a change in shifts but not mention it being anything to do with childcare.

RickJames · 04/09/2021 16:14

That sounds funny for England but not for Germany. Kids get left at home from quite an early age here. It depends on the child. My DS is very sensible and has been left for a few hours since he was 10. I'd never go out at night and leave him though. I was shocked when he was a baby and neighbours asked if we wanted to go out and leave the baby monitor with them in their flat whilst he slept at home! It was a normal thing! No way, I was constantly checking him whilst I was at home Grin

I've known of several children from nice families left alone at home aged 8 simply because the parents had to work during weekends and school holidays. They are all still alive.

TheVolturi · 04/09/2021 16:19

There is a polish boy in my sons class and he had to isolate early this year because the breakfast club had a positive case, the mum told me that he was home alone but her was OK because he was doing school work on the computer and she was popping in twice a day to check. He is 8. I said that my son would never be OK alone and she said at home (Poland) they are more independent.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 04/09/2021 16:27

I have several polish friends who all think it's ok to leave their children home alone from about that age, and are surprised that it's a bit frowned on in the uk. The mum I know best works about three miles from her home and pops home in her lunch hour. Her son is 9 and has a mobile phone and knows which neighbours he can go to in an emergency.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/09/2021 16:34

Rightly or wrongly, in other countries it's not seen as a big deal. Plus given the circumstances she might have felt she had no other choice.

You say it's easy to swap shifts around, but would her pay stay the same?

If choice of shifts it's a real choice and wouldn't be detrimental to her job (promotion,opportunities,wage etc) then definitely have a chat with her and just explain she has options.