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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if this is what she meant?

64 replies

RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 14:15

Worked with a new member of staff the other day that had been hired in my absence (I’m her manager but was only back for a KIT day - returning properly in a couple of months)

Lovely polish girl - speaks really good English. Having a chat and getting to know her she told me about her DS (age 8) and how she has absolutely no family around, it’s just the 2 of them. Later on in the conversation the issue of childcare came up and I asked who looks after her son while she’s working if he’s not at school (this was on a Saturday). She replied “sometimes he’ll maybe go to a friend or something but if not, no problem because he’s a smart boy”.

I didn’t really think anything of it at the time - we were quite busy and having broken conversation as we worked but now that I’m thinking about it - does that sound like he sometimes goes to a friend but if not then he’s left alone??

Obviously her home life is none of my business! But she was working a 9am-5.30pm shift as she does most weekends and I’d hate to think he’s home alone - especially for that length of time.

OP posts:
Phoebesgift · 04/09/2021 16:38

Maybe she wants to continue Saturday shifts as presumably she earns more on them.

Decorhate · 04/09/2021 16:40

It’s not just a case of it being frowned on in this country, in terms of safeguarding this would be viewed as neglect as it is placing the child in a position they may not be mature enough to deal with. If his school found out they would be obliged to take action. I would feel I had to say something to her if it was me.

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 17:26

@GrimDamnFanjo I hate businesses that don’t try and support where possible tbh. If my team are happy and content then I get more out of them too - it’s a win win for everybody as far as I’m concerned!

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 17:28

I think this is cultural. Both dc have polish friends and they are all afforded a lot more freedom than their peers with British parents. I was quite shocked by some of it at first but have grown used to it now. Friend has a polish partner and have discussed it with him too and he said that's normal. You could offer her school hours but isn't that mean a reduction in wages that she potentially wouldn't be able to afford?

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 17:31

@AccidentallyOnPurpose @Phoebesgift She’s contracted for a set number of hours over 3 days at a set hourly rate. No higher rate for Saturday working. I would have to alter things slightly to accommodate school time working - she currently does all day Saturday plus any 2 weekday mornings. I could give 4 weekday mornings instead. I’m assuming since she is able to work any weekdays that she has no other commitments in the mornings but obviously I would need to check with her if that arrangement would suit her better since it would mean a change to 4 days.
Absolutely wouldn’t be detrimental to any promotion/wages etc 😊

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 17:33

She could have another job so not able to take on 4 days with you. You can only ask. She might be happy with the current hours for any number of reasons

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 17:40

@liveforsummer

She could have another job so not able to take on 4 days with you. You can only ask. She might be happy with the current hours for any number of reasons
@liveforsummer I’m assuming as her 2 weekday shifts change each week that she doesn’t work another job but obviously can’t be sure of that until I speak to her 😊 I can only offer the change and see if it suits her better 🤷🏻‍♀️
OP posts:
saveforthat · 04/09/2021 17:43

What about the other people who work there. Would they have to do more Saturdays instead?

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 17:54

@saveforthat

What about the other people who work there. Would they have to do more Saturdays instead?
@saveforthat Nope, I have a weekday member of staff leaving at the end of this month to go back into education. Would be recruiting to replace her anyway so I can offer to change to suit childcare needs and then just recruit a weekend staff member instead if that suits. Might need a couple of Saturdays covered at most until recruitment is sorted but the other staff will have no issue volunteering for that - they’re always happy to pick up an extra shift here or there!
OP posts:
icedcoffees · 04/09/2021 18:11

You sound like a lovely manager!

I would definitely ask her if she would prefer to work weekdays only. If not, no big deal, but at least you've asked :)

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 18:55

@icedcoffees

You sound like a lovely manager!

I would definitely ask her if she would prefer to work weekdays only. If not, no big deal, but at least you've asked :)

Thanks @icedcoffees ❤️ I do try so I appreciate that! I’ve worked for my fair share of horrors over the years 🤣😅 happy team make my job 10x easier 👍🏻
OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 04/09/2021 19:00

He's 8, surely he knows how to work a microwave to heat up food ect... I don't get the issue.

I'd leave a kid alone from maybe 7 onwards if I had to. Of course it depends on the individual childs maturity. But really, I would play outside as a kid till 10pm and surely its safer inside.

Decorhate · 04/09/2021 19:01

It is a big deal if she declines to change her days so he is not left alone. We need some teachers or others with child protection training to come on this thread. It does not matter if there are cultural differences where it would be allowed in her home country.

liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 19:07

I have child protection training. I'd absolutely say the cultural aspect would be considered and that the odd Saturday doesn't equal neglect. She could have good reasons for not swapping.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 04/09/2021 19:13

I teach and have raised similar as a safeguarding concern several times over the year - after they speak to mum on the phone, no further action is ever taken, seems it does not meet threshold.

You do sound very considerate op. I think it's a great idea to offer her an alternative.

AmelieLovesAutumn · 04/09/2021 19:14

@RossIsTheBestFriend.

It's very decent of you to offer her a change in schedule. It shouldn't be so unusual & noteworthy, but sadly it is.

However, it's not uncommon for children from other countries to have much more independence/responsibility/less cotton wool than in the U.K.

icedcoffees · 04/09/2021 19:15

@Decorhate

It is a big deal if she declines to change her days so he is not left alone. We need some teachers or others with child protection training to come on this thread. It does not matter if there are cultural differences where it would be allowed in her home country.
There's no law in the UK that states when it's acceptable for a child to be left home alone, though. The police take all sorts of things into consideration when deciding whether to prosecute or refer to social services.
ICantFindTheBuffet · 04/09/2021 19:19

@BoredZelda

Later on in the conversation the issue of childcare came up and I asked who looks after her son while she’s working if he’s not at school

I’d have been taken aback if my manager asked me what my childcare arrangements were. There are rules about that.

Just curious, what are the rules about this?
liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 19:21

Just curious, what are the rules about this?

Well I know you certainly aren't allowed to ask about this at interview. It's not the employers business and can be see as discrimination if the info is used to affect a position

mummydoingamasters · 04/09/2021 19:27

There are no official rules in place by local authorities, it's down to parental judgement although a guideline age is typically secondary school age.

Local authorities probably won't prioritise it and if she can evidence that he has given him/instilled safety measures and he has a way of contacting someone in an emergency.
He may have neighbours checking on him too, she may have been vague because you were working.

You sound like a great manager though and she may feel like she's not able to ask to swap so the offer may suit her better

itsgettingwierd · 04/09/2021 19:45

If you can word it that you have someone leaving the weekday shifts and would she like them so she works when ds is at school and has weekends with him then I think it's such a lovely thought.

We need more decent managers out there.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 04/09/2021 19:59

You can just casually say something along the lines of 'hey you mentioned you've got a wee one, if you're needing any particular rota or shifts just let me know and we can see what we can work out'.

Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 20:22

@Decorhate

It is a big deal if she declines to change her days so he is not left alone. We need some teachers or others with child protection training to come on this thread. It does not matter if there are cultural differences where it would be allowed in her home country.
@Decorhate I can’t do anything about her situation (or what I at least believe her situation to be) other than offer an alternative that I hope will suit her and she will take. As others have pointed out - from a safeguarding point of view it’s unlikely that it would be taken any further.

Everyone makes their own parenting choices. Would I do it with my own children - absolutely not! I have another team member who lets her 12 year old travel an hour on the train with friends to our nearest major city to go shopping for the day which I also think is crazy and wouldn’t do. But then if I told them I don’t let my baby use a Jumperoo and I don’t allow the TV to be on in my house while my baby is awake I’m sure many people would tell me I’m crazy too 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 20:27

@liveforsummer

Just curious, what are the rules about this?

Well I know you certainly aren't allowed to ask about this at interview. It's not the employers business and can be see as discrimination if the info is used to affect a position

@ICantFindTheBuffet yeah @liveforsummer is completely right, it should 100% NOT be asked at interview and is none of the employers business at all.
OP posts:
Original poster
RossIsTheBestFriend · 04/09/2021 20:31

@mummydoingamasters @AwaAnBileYerHeid @itsgettingwierd
Thanks all 😊 Hopefully it suits her and all works out fine 👍🏻

OP posts: