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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how such a horrible person has it so good?

83 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 03/09/2021 19:12

People always say you reap what you sow. I really don't think this is the case.
I know a serial cheat (friends ex husband) who is selfish and self absorbed. Life a bit like a trainwreck, causing hurt all over the place.
He is now happily married (4th time) to his wife who idolises him, has an amazing well paid job which he does from home, lots of friends although on a very social basis, no physical health issues despite being an extremely heavy drinker, and is rich.
I have seen this happen over and over, where as the good and kind people seem to get the worst deal in life.
Aibu to feel really down about this?

OP posts:
TheWeatherWitch · 03/09/2021 21:45

Good things happen to bad people.

No one promised life was fair.

Get a hobby op.

HurryUpAndWait23 · 03/09/2021 21:45

He is an extremely heavy drinker.

What genuinely happy person gets divorced 3 times and married 4 times?

What genuinely happy person needs to drink that much?

He may look like he's got it all but unless he has happiness is more screwed than you think.

Rather him than me, any day.

trappistkepler · 03/09/2021 21:52

happily married (4th time) and extremely heavy drinker he isn't happy, he hasn't figured anything out.

frumpety · 03/09/2021 21:53

Some people just come out squeaky clean

But nobody gets out of here alive !

Worstyear2020 · 03/09/2021 21:55

Life is unfair, I feel quite unfortunate when I compare myself to people around me so I try not to.

Longdistance · 03/09/2021 21:55

No, but sometimes the shit doesn’t stick.

frumpety · 03/09/2021 21:59

Very few people get out completely squeaky clean, there are always people they lose by the wayside as a result of their actions, but often other people are too busy focusing on the smokescreen of material stuff to notice the big stuff they have lost as a consequence of their actions.

ElleGee1 · 03/09/2021 22:04

Wouldn’t waste your energy thinking about it.. it might seem like horrible people have it good but you don’t know what they are experiencing..

But talking of good people.. a woman who lived locally was spoken of being a beautiful soul.. died within months of a lung cancer diagnosis. Never smoked a day in her life. Mid 30s and leaves behind 4 children. My heart breaks for the family. Makes you appreciate what you have and when I’m having a bad day I often think of her and the family.

Original poster
BlossomOnTrees · 03/09/2021 22:15

Well this time it seems 4th time is the charm and that he wishes he had met her at 18. Confused
He drinks a lot because he is always out socialising because he has a lot of money and a lot of friends. Not because he is unhappy.
I don't spend hours thinking about it by the way, just frustrates me and is deeply depressing how great he has it when he has caused so much pain to others over the years and who is a very arrogant, self absorbed and selfish person.

OP posts:
tunnocksreturns2019 · 03/09/2021 22:17

@BeautifulBirds

A family members ex husband was like this.... Died from brain cancer 6 months after diagnosis.
Ach well my DH died of brain cancer aged 37 and he was a model husband and father. Karma is not a thing!
Hellotoallmyfans · 03/09/2021 22:33

Well this time it seems 4th time is the charm and that he wishes he had met her at 18. confused
He drinks a lot because he is always out socialising because he has a lot of money and a lot of friends. Not because he is unhappy.
I don't spend hours thinking about it by the way, just frustrates me and is deeply depressing how great he has it when he has caused so much pain to others over the years and who is a very arrogant, self absorbed and selfish person.

Comfort yourself with the fact that you won't be the only person who feels like this about him though. I bet his "friends" hang out with him for free drinks or just to bask in his reflected glory. Do they genuinely like him as a person? I bet these friends are just people who don't know him yet and there are many more, like you, who have him sussed.
I personally would rather have one true friend than 100 fake friends who I can drink with in the pub but who wouldn't be there if I had any trauma in my life.

He has 3 ex-wives and families whom I imagine will have their own beefs with him? Imagine all the therapy his kids will need! Not good to have on your conscience. And if he genuinely doesn't give a shit (which you will never know) well, you have to feel sorry for someone who is so devoid of feeling and emotion?

I feel strongly about this as i have a friend who has gone through hell at the hands of a man like this (complete narcissistic/arrogant hybrid bastard of a man) who has carried on his life without a care with a yo7nger woman and now a new family while she's picking up the pieces with their own D.C.
I can't speak for the man you are talking about but my friends ex is damaged goods. Anyone on his social media et would think he is ecstatically happy and living his best life but he has multiple MH issues and is a really f.'d up person!

BitterTits · 03/09/2021 22:36

I voted YABU but not because I wanted to. We all need to stop buying into the myth of karma, it's bullshit. More specifically, women need to stop facilitating men's entitlement and courts need to recognise emotional and financial abuse for what it is (I read your post in that context because it reflects the experience of female friends and family members).

aquashiv · 03/09/2021 22:44

Seems that way....perhaps they sign a deal with the devil. Are they happy often they are shallow and empty souls nothing is ever good enough...

MyCatIsAFuckwit · 03/09/2021 22:50

@46Shirleyphallus

"Yeah there is no such thing as karma

Twats who think a lot of themselves never let failure or rejection get in the way of what they’re trying to do, they just try it another way until it works. Ie they’ll put themselves forward for promotion or constantly apply for new roles which they don’t fully fit the brief for until someone hires them. Pay rises and promotions follow.

Some women find this type of arrogant man very attractive so they become rich and successful and married".
///

This. So true.

Crikeyalmighty · 03/09/2021 23:26

Some people and particularly some men find it very easy to compartmentalise in life and if something goes wrong, be it relationships or jobs or business- they find it very easy to switch into ‘next’ mode!! They are often charming initially and have good energy- mainly because they don’t think too deeply- hence they don’t find it difficult to move on and yep often make money !

Otherthanetta · 04/09/2021 01:47

You never know what’s going on behind closed doors though OP. He sounds like the sort of person who if there were problems might gloss over them.

Sadly I don’t think Karma does exist however and yes a lot of nasty people do seem to escape unscathed.

Anordinarymum · 04/09/2021 02:04

The guy is probably some sort of sociopath. Lacking empathy is how these people become successful because they do not care about anything really. His marriage won't last.

malificent7 · 04/09/2021 04:34

He dosnt have it all...he's an alchoholic by sounds of it

user47899335 · 04/09/2021 05:57

@OmgIcantbelieveshedidit

My father is hugely wealthy, reasonably good health etc I wonder though he is so fucking to me his daughter and his gran kids that he must be unhappy 🤷‍♀️

What does this mean?

Mummadeze · 04/09/2021 09:31

I would think thank goodness I have the emotional intelligence and self esteem not to be in a relationship with someone like him if I were you. That is a gift in itself - talking from the experience of someone who has fallen for a narcissist. I don’t think narcissistic people are truly happy. My partner comes across as charming and confident to strangers but deep down he is horribly insecure, full of negative energy and is unable to form truly close bonds with anyone. I wouldn’t envy others when you don’t know them inside out. Look for the positives in your life of which I am sure there are many.

HollowTalk · 04/09/2021 16:50

@user1471462428

My ex is currently conning money out of his stupid friends over the phone in my living room (he’s meant to be seeing the kids but cannot bring himself to interact with them). His friends have lost thousands to him over the years and he rinsed me for 10 of thousands of pounds. He swaggers round in designer clothes while I struggle to pay the bills so yes op sometimes the bastards truly win.
Why on earth are you putting up with that? And why aren't you warning his friends?
ViciousJackdaw · 04/09/2021 17:42

You cannot change any of this so why waste time and energy thinking about it? All it does is make you feel worse than you already do.

Ionlydomassiveones · 04/09/2021 18:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

AlexaShutUp · 04/09/2021 18:05

Life isn't always fair. But you also never really know what is going on in someone else's life. Maybe he's happy, maybe he isn't.

ConsulTremas · 04/09/2021 18:13

Breaking news - life isn’t fair. It’s really not worth worrying about.