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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how such a horrible person has it so good?

83 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 03/09/2021 19:12

People always say you reap what you sow. I really don't think this is the case.
I know a serial cheat (friends ex husband) who is selfish and self absorbed. Life a bit like a trainwreck, causing hurt all over the place.
He is now happily married (4th time) to his wife who idolises him, has an amazing well paid job which he does from home, lots of friends although on a very social basis, no physical health issues despite being an extremely heavy drinker, and is rich.
I have seen this happen over and over, where as the good and kind people seem to get the worst deal in life.
Aibu to feel really down about this?

OP posts:
Mumblechum0 · 03/09/2021 19:13

Not really. Just get on with living my own life tbh.

cereallover · 03/09/2021 19:14

It will catch up with him though most likely ie the heavy drinking.

Rocktheboat56 · 03/09/2021 19:16

These people exist but they do make use feel good about ourselves. The proof is in the pudding. He's been divorced 4 times! I guess because he's self absorbed he makes the conversation interesting by telling stories and being exciting. However it will be noticeable to others that he never asks about others and likely friends won't turn to him in a crisis.

Feel good about being you and not him.... wouldn't be surprised if he marries a few more times once she realises he's not a nice guy.

Time to move on and think about yourself :)

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 03/09/2021 19:16

Why does it matter to you?, live your own life instead of wondering how the Jones live.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/09/2021 19:18

I don't think yabu to feel down about it but it's really just the way of the world. Life is inherently unfair; all we/you can do is make the most of your lot and try and be a good person. People can be cruel, life can be hard - once you've made peace with these facts it becomes easier to reconcile your feelings about the bad deeds of others.

AdoptedBumpkin · 03/09/2021 19:19

Yes, I can relate. This does seem to happen sometimes, however some do get their comeuppance eventually.

Lockheart · 03/09/2021 19:20

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

Why does it matter to you?, live your own life instead of wondering how the Jones live.
Pretty much this.

There's no such thing as karma so sitting back and waiting for something to come back on him is only going to waste your own energy.

As the saying goes, spending your energy hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to drop dead.

DumbestBlonde · 03/09/2021 19:32

It's OK to wonder, but not to lt it get you down... It does seem very "unfair" sometimes, but you can only live your own life and not let feelings of envy of others, or the ins and outs of other people's lives get to you.

(My father is such a person, three wives and several children left in his wake. Lived all sorts of nice places around the world, now in Canada in a lovely part of Quebec and only acknowledges the children (and grands) from his third marriage - of which I am not one (I was #1). If there were such a thing as justice, he would NOT be living such a lovely life. It is quite perverse how these things turn out.)
If here have been four marriages, this person you are talking about will also have left people in his wake, and that is not something to be proud of.
It is quite one thing to (unfortunately, these days) be aware of what this person is doind (although better not to....) but another altogether to let it affect you in any way, So, if you can, try not to let it.

Chikapu · 03/09/2021 19:34

YABU to feel down about it, how does it affect your life?

OmgIcantbelieveshedidit · 03/09/2021 19:44

@AdoptedBumpkin

Yes, I can relate. This does seem to happen sometimes, however some do get their comeuppance eventually.
Yes.

My ex is rich, lovely house, does fuck all childcare etc and has a good well paid job. I really thought with the nasty divorce he got everything he wanted.

3 years ago this nasty vindictive man blubbering when doing the court ordered drop off in a public place and asking me to take him back - he’s lonely etc well of course, he was lonely with few friends when I met him and he is still like that. He only sees one of his kids the others hate him.

My father is hugely wealthy, reasonably good health etc I wonder though he is so fucking to me his daughter and his gran kids that he must be unhappy 🤷‍♀️

BeautifulBirds · 03/09/2021 19:45

A family members ex husband was like this.... Died from brain cancer 6 months after diagnosis.

Shirleyphallus · 03/09/2021 19:46

Yeah there is no such thing as karma

Twats who think a lot of themselves never let failure or rejection get in the way of what they’re trying to do, they just try it another way until it works. Ie they’ll put themselves forward for promotion or constantly apply for new roles which they don’t fully fit the brief for until someone hires them. Pay rises and promotions follow.

Some women find this type of arrogant man very attractive so they become rich and successful and married.

AlrightThereSkippy · 03/09/2021 19:47

I know what you mean. I recently had to interact with people who really are total scumbags who have destroyed people's lives, managed to worm their way into a wealthy relative's life. There isn't any abuse and the relative is capable of making their own decisions, so it's not technically my business. It isn't as if they're a glamourous lot or heartbreakingly beautiful, so I don't even think this relative has been charmed, they have just decided they want them there, so whatever I think, I haven't got involved, but I did find it a bit much having to go and visit them recently. I actually won't be doing it again as these aren't people I'd choose to associate with, even though wealthy relative does.

But I then had a bit of a revelation which is soooooo fucking corny, but hey ho. They've got access to money now, but little else! I think money is too important to people these days. So your rich acquaintance being a horrible person isn't necessarily an injustice. If he's horrible, he'll fuck up again tbh and money might not seem so important to him if it all goes to pieces, especially if he loses contact with family by acting like a prat.

Royalbloo · 03/09/2021 19:47

If he was poor, would you care!?

Royalbloo · 03/09/2021 19:48

Love and not being completely alone when you die is valuable. Money isn't. (Unless you don't have enough, of course).

I don't value my life in monetary terms.

ThinWomansBrain · 03/09/2021 19:51

I thought it was another thread about Piers MorganHmm

why waste headspace on it?

Popsicle438 · 03/09/2021 19:51

Life isn't fair unfortunately. There will always be someone who appears to have it all, just as there are always people worse off than yourself. Best just to get on with your own life without worrying too much about what others are doing, especially if it doesn't affect you personally.

TheHouseILiveIn · 03/09/2021 19:53

Is this about Bozo?

Babyghirl · 03/09/2021 19:55

@BlossomOnTrees
I tots agree with you on this one lol, I worked with a fella he was a c##t sacked from work his mum was in a nursing home did nt visit as his words she not my mum anymore and does not know me, her house was bought but taken to pay for her nursing home fees she passed away but his sister bought the house back well his sister then pass was a lecturer in a uni owned her own house to so he was let with what ever his mum left them both and I mean thousands he got what she had that would be thousands to as she was single no kids and it was only them two and got the two houses and guess what he hated his sis lol 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

DismantledKing · 03/09/2021 19:57

Unfortunately I don’t think there’s such a thing as Karma. Otherwise, why would Rupert Murdoch still be living to a ripe old age? Unfortunately bad people often win.

Grimacingfrog · 03/09/2021 20:08

@DismantledKing

Unfortunately I don’t think there’s such a thing as Karma. Otherwise, why would Rupert Murdoch still be living to a ripe old age? Unfortunately bad people often win.
Yes! And not only that, living with Jerry Hall. Just don't get it...
Amboseli · 03/09/2021 20:09

It does seem unfair that 'bad' people get away with this sort of thing without consequences.

I think YABU to feel down about it though. Life is fundamentally unfair. Try to focus on appreciating the positives in your life and working towards making the negatives into positives.

user1471462428 · 03/09/2021 20:12

My ex is currently conning money out of his stupid friends over the phone in my living room (he’s meant to be seeing the kids but cannot bring himself to interact with them). His friends have lost thousands to him over the years and he rinsed me for 10 of thousands of pounds. He swaggers round in designer clothes while I struggle to pay the bills so yes op sometimes the bastards truly win.

overnightangel · 03/09/2021 20:14

Saw the title and just assumed this was going to be another Phillip Schofield thread 😏

SemperIdem · 03/09/2021 20:15

I wonder if they’re massively burdened psychologically by their poor behaviour sometimes. But I think many are the type who take the “you only live once” mantra very literally so just don’t give it much thought at all.