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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not think 26 is that old to live at home

86 replies

Hiyanice · 03/09/2021 17:44

Sister just started dating W guy and she’s not sure whether to carry on due to the fact he’s still at home

OP posts:

thegcatsmother · 07/09/2021 15:48

Buddyspice It seems in this the UK is becoming more continental. Lots of youngsters there are doing their third MA, or interning, living at home. I think we expect our kids to move on as they go away to university, rather than attend one locally.

DrWhoNowww · 07/09/2021 16:29

It’s totally circumstances dependant isn’t it.

And really, as long as he’s not expecting your sister to move into his parents place with him…what has it got to do with you?

This thread pops up increasingly regularly and generally seems populated by people who either don’t like their kids (so can’t wait to be rid of them) or don’t like their parents (so couldn’t wait to move out).

It’s perfectly possible to live amicably as a family with children well into their 20’s and isn’t something to be judges really - given the housing shortage surely it’s to be encouraged that people live together.

If I’d had the option of staying home in my 20’s with my super clean and calm parents versus moving to a shared grothole in London costing me thousands I’d have bloody jumped at it and if anyone had a problem with me because of it then that’s their problem isn’t it.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 07/09/2021 17:18

@BuddySpice

I think it’s very old to be at home and wouldn’t date someone doing so unless they were providing care for parents or it was a temporary return for a specific reason (not just saving up) after already having moved out. You could never go back to theirs as it ISN’T theirs, they’ve never been properly responsible for themselves or a home; it’s really unappealing and a really unattractive extended adolescence. Plenty people with adult children at home will be very angry at me saying as much I’m sure! The vast majority of us have to save for a deposit while also renting; yes it takes longer, but i’d trade that home for independence and my own life. Tbh I’d be really embarrassed and ashamed quite frankly to never have moved out by 26!

No, not angry, just relieved someone so closed minded wouldn't want to date any of my kids!

Proudboomer · 07/09/2021 18:39

If you live in the south east it is not always just a case of it taking longer to save if you move out and pay rent.
Rents are so high with bills like council tax top that once they are paid there is nothing left to save for a deposit.

catlovingdoctor · 07/09/2021 18:45

I'm 27 and living at home because I'm studying a healthcare degree. It's going to hopefully stand me in good stead for the future. I live in London and wouldn't be able to afford to move out until I finish my course. If a potential partner had a big problem with that, then too bad 🤷‍♂️

scarpa · 07/09/2021 19:06

I wouldn't date someone who'd never moved out of home, no.

I moved out at 17 and found even with just a few years' experience, living with people who'd moved straight out of their parents' at 22/23 was a bit tedious - each one was still figuring the basics of 'stairs don't hoover themselves' and 'yeah, sometimes the freezer needs defrosting' and 'no, your housemates won't leave their job in the middle of the day because you forgot your key when you went out'.

Maybe I had bad luck, but in 5 house shares (and of the 8 housemates in them, 4 who moved straight in from 'home') every single one was a bit of a PITA.

If they'd moved out and then moved home - i.e. had actual experience of living alone - I wouldn't be bothered. I think it's personal preference though - I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly capable adults who still live at home, but I'd prefer someone with this particular life experience. As it was, DH had moved out of his house at 15 into a houseshare with older friends and was on the same page as me - his previous girlfriend moved straight in with him from home and was a nightmare.

Plumtree391 · 07/09/2021 19:24

It's not that unusual nowadays, actually for quite a long time, for people well into their twenties to live with parents. It is cheap and they can save more towards a deposit than if they rented a flat. The alternative is flat sharing but not everyone likes that.

MsMeNz · 07/09/2021 19:25

That would be a hard no for me. Only except would be he had some kind of agreement with parents it was for x months/1-2 year max to save for a deposit for own place which is sometimes what it takes if you don't have any leg ups or a high paying job. But if it's not that I wouldn't be interested.

HazelBite · 07/09/2021 19:27

It depends where abouts in the country you live.
Where I live ( SE 20 min commute to Central London) its quite common. Single younger people are generally unable to rent due to cost and tend to move out when they are older, or part of a couple and have 2 Salaries coming in.
I currently have a DS and DIL living with me both saving hard for a depsit to buy, his brother all stayed at home later than average in order to buy their own properties.
Its not ideal from all points of view , but its the only way many of us can help our DC's out in an area of very high housing costs.

DemBonesDemBones · 07/09/2021 20:27

I probably would think it was a bit odd, but I had a primary school aged child and a baby at that age so it's just alien to me to be living with parents when you're approaching 30!

Skinnymimi · 07/09/2021 20:41

Unless supporting a family member, 20 is too old to live at home for more than 2 months…

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