Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think 26 is that old to live at home

86 replies

Hiyanice · 03/09/2021 17:44

Sister just started dating W guy and she’s not sure whether to carry on due to the fact he’s still at home

OP posts:
thegcatsmother · 03/09/2021 20:20

Ds is 25, in his first job and lives at home. We take turns at cooking, but I do the laundry as I don't want my machine overloaded. He mucks in with the chores when prodded. It seems perverse for him to rent somewhere and pay through the nose when he can live at home, and we have the space to accommodate him.

namechange7865 · 03/09/2021 20:23

He mucks in with the chores when prodded. It seems perverse for him to rent somewhere and pay through the nose when he can live at home, and we have the space to accommodate him.

No more perverse than a grown man needing to be prodded to do "chores".

BabyLeaf · 03/09/2021 20:31

That’s very old imo. The lack of an urge for freedom and independence so late into adulthood is very unattractive. I’m sure many wouldn’t mind so they won’t struggle to find someone but it wouldn’t be me! No chance.

Undisclosedlocation · 03/09/2021 20:33

Many plans have had to be put on hold during Covid/lockdowns. My DS is desperate for his own place but has had to wait since coming back (for a month or two!) after uni but a hard lockdown on his own in a private rental didn’t appeal, quite understandably. Plus entry level jobs were damn hard to come by
He is now 25 and has been back here 2 years. I would find it incredibly sad if he were judged for something completely out of his control

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 03/09/2021 20:40

I'd have been put off by a 26 year old who lived at home when I was that age (several decades ago), because it wasn't the done thing then and we were all desperate for our freedom. I'd also have worried that it signified no drive or desire to 'grow up'.

But it's quite commonplace now, some have been away to uni and come back, some haven't left - to help with saving for deposits. Plus relationships between parents and adult children (from my fairly broad experience) tend to be more open now so it's more like an adult house share than parent and child.

I'd be worried if his Mum was still doing everything for him tho , otherwise wouldn't see it as a problem.

ISpyCobraKai · 03/09/2021 20:41

Dd and Bf got their flat during lockdown, obviously there's two of them so loneliness isn't an issue.
I wonder if that's why they got a great deal?
They've had friends over occasionally but we're talking 5/6 friends maybe 6 times in a year.
Obviously I can go over whenever.

They just couldn't live at home and have the life they do, too far to commute and be together.

CattyMcNips · 03/09/2021 20:44

It depends. Does he live at home because he's building a career or business? Does he live at home because he has an infirm relative that needs help? Does he live at home because his mum does his laundry and gives him free WiFi?

LindaEllen · 03/09/2021 20:47

I lived at home until I was 27. It's all about the dynamic within the household that you need to look at.

Cryalot2 · 03/09/2021 20:57

My kids are older and live at home. For now it enables them to save. Ds works from home in business with dh so would have to spend time here . Dd travels a lot with work ( more pre covid)
Home is central between work base and her main close friends. Both shop and are excellent cooks. I do most of washing because I am able, but everyone has their chores. I rarely ever be in ds room .
Both were able to buy cars cash and have considerable savings and would not have such if they didn’t live at home, or in case of dd base herself at home.
It is wrong to condemn folks for such. Unless they are the type that mum and dad do all and they cook or anything .

notinyoday · 03/09/2021 21:01

@LimeRedBanana

I would not have been keen - don’t blame her.

Suggests a level of helplessness and dependency on others that is distinctly unappealing.

I bet he doesn’t do his own laundry, housework or sort his own food. Let alone all the other things that come with running and maintaining one’s own home (whether owning or renting).

I always said - I would never date a man who went straight from his Mum’s house to mine. It has stood me in good stead.

That doesn't make much sense.
My DH was living at home with his mum when we met. He didn't do anything beyond his own weekly shop. Paid his mum extra to do stuff for him

Moved out and is the one to do all grocery shopping, meal plans and cooking

I won't let him do the washing, the only thing he doesn't do Grin

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/09/2021 21:54

@ISpyCobraKai

Dd has just turned 20, her Bf is 21. They rent a two bed flat together and have been there a year. Perhaps it will take them longer to buy, but they have independence and living at home wasn't an option for either of them. Their flat is actually really lovely, I'm very proud of them for managing the way that they have.
Indeed, you're right to be proud. But renting a 2-bed flat together is a great deal easier than renting a 1 bed flat as a single person. And house/flat sharing has its own set of problems.
Snoozer11 · 05/09/2021 22:38

@BabyLeaf

That’s very old imo. The lack of an urge for freedom and independence so late into adulthood is very unattractive. I’m sure many wouldn’t mind so they won’t struggle to find someone but it wouldn’t be me! No chance.
It is now 2021, if you didn't realise?
Beebababadabo · 05/09/2021 22:55

Depends my DH was 28 when he left home but he paid rent and did his own food and laundry and did chores to help out at home. When he left home he was quite domestic and never relied on his mum or dad. My sil (DH sis) though left home at 26 and was coddled because of she was far entitled with her parents, her personality type and they allowed it, she is alot less independent than her brother and she married someone like her. His mum does their ironing because they just can't do it as good as her Hmm and decorates their house when they go on holiday and her mum will clean for them whenever they so much as get a cold, she say can you come round this week mum. So it really depends on the personality and that of the parents also, I wouldn't tar them all with the same brush though.

Draineddraineddrained · 05/09/2021 23:07

It's more and more common these days to boomerang home after uni so she'd be ruling out a lot of men under 30.

Personally I think all the justifications for doing this given, especially "saving for a deposit", translate to "I prefer to take the easy option/short cuts rather than be fully independent. Same as I'd feel about someone who lived in a flat their parents paid for.

I went to uni and then didn't go back home, because I became an adult. I was astonished how many contemporaries moved back in with their parents, had their parents BUY THEM A HOUSE(!!!), or in some other way colossally contribute to them having a better lifestyle than they could have managed under their own steam. And yeah, super jealous!! [Grin] but looking back I am glad this wasn't an option for me, and that I had to grow up. It could be such a pattern to fall into, never quite taking responsibility for oneself. These people also tend to be the ones who completely expect and are relying on their "inheritance". Just seems a bit of a hobble, to be so unendingly indebted.

Makemeaname · 05/09/2021 23:20

Honestly if he's working and has a plan to stop living with them, I wouldn't see it as a red flag.

I'm 24 myself and live with my parents and they do everything for me. I know I'm coddled but I also know that if they kicked me out tomorrow I could afford to live and would be able to take care of myself. Planning to move out around March.

OTOH, if he spends all his time playing video games and contributes nothing to the household, he's not likely to contribute much to a relationship so in that case I would ditch him.

CapybaraConnoisseur · 07/09/2021 14:30

I'm 25, nearly 26, and still live with my parents. kind of. Me and DP are saving for a house though, and we should be in one before im 27, and by the time he's 29. he has moved out but only into a house owned by his mum.

Most of the people in my friend group still live at home. None of us can afford to move out.

Anordinarymum · 07/09/2021 14:31

@Hiyanice

Sister just started dating W guy and she’s not sure whether to carry on due to the fact he’s still at home
What does the W stand for
moynomore · 07/09/2021 14:34

As other posters have said, it is not uncommon, but not for me. I would never have dated a man at 26 who lived with his parents. I honestly don't care what the reason was. It was just something I wasn't remotely attracted to (even if he was sitting on a load of cash because of it).

namechange7865 · 07/09/2021 14:42

Whilst I completely understand house/rent prices partciaurly in the SE I do think expectations are different. My parents lived in a building with a shared bathroom when they were first engaged/married, despite good relationships I don't think it ever occurred to them to stay with parents until something nicer came up, my mum lived in a house share before that. Their first homes sounded dreadful, I'd be far to precious.

Mossstitch · 07/09/2021 14:54

I don't understand the prejudice. I have three, none of whom left before 27 and one still with me. We are more like a house share, in separate parts of the house mostly, just share the kitchen, what's the point in paying extortionate rent whilst I have three bedroom, two bathroom house to myself! I don't interfere with his life and all have been perfectly capable of running a house when they left. I count it as a compliment having wanted to leave my narcissistic mother ASAP!

moynomore · 07/09/2021 14:58

I do agree it makes a lot of sense, I just know I wouldn't have wanted to date a man who lived like that at 26. Just my preference. And the OP's sister seems to feel the same, which is her right.

Balonzette · 07/09/2021 15:26

This would be a massive turn off for me. I do think it's too old and the potential 'why' would worry me. I can't think of any good reason for a 26 year old to live at home.

thegcatsmother · 07/09/2021 15:35

Best I tell ds to hugger off before October then Balonzette!!.

He is in his first job, not sure where it will take him, could be anywhere. No point paying rent to live on his own, when we have spare rooms and space for him, or thing himself down with a mortgage or rental contract when something could come up th st required a move.

Life seems to have moved right substantially in terms of moving out.

BuddySpice · 07/09/2021 15:38

I think it’s very old to be at home and wouldn’t date someone doing so unless they were providing care for parents or it was a temporary return for a specific reason (not just saving up) after already having moved out. You could never go back to theirs as it ISN’T theirs, they’ve never been properly responsible for themselves or a home; it’s really unappealing and a really unattractive extended adolescence. Plenty people with adult children at home will be very angry at me saying as much I’m sure! The vast majority of us have to save for a deposit while also renting; yes it takes longer, but i’d trade that home for independence and my own life. Tbh I’d be really embarrassed and ashamed quite frankly to never have moved out by 26!

Shadedog · 07/09/2021 15:43

Some people live at home because they are massive mummy’s boys who can’t use the washing machine or pack a lunch.

Some people move out because they are stroppy overgrown teenagers who couldn’t possibly live with anyone as irrelevant and boring as their own mother.

Most people are normalish. Best to judge potential dates on something a bit more that who they live with ime.