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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think 26 is that old to live at home

86 replies

Hiyanice · 03/09/2021 17:44

Sister just started dating W guy and she’s not sure whether to carry on due to the fact he’s still at home

OP posts:
Antinerak · 03/09/2021 18:31

It would put me off if it was by choice, but if he's staying at home to save money for a house/he or is parents are ill and require care or supervision/it's temporary, of course it makes sense. The chances are he's actually a man child and likes having someone else do his laundry and cooking.

It's sad that people on this thread and similar threads think adults living with their parents to save money is the height of laziness/embarassment.

UnsuitableHat · 03/09/2021 18:35

I don’t think it’s weird at all; it may simply be an arrangement that suits - for whatever reason.

lastqueenofscotland · 03/09/2021 18:35

It depends
If their mum is still making them tea every day and doing all their washing Envy
If they are contributing and have a plan to move out that’s different

Piffle11 · 03/09/2021 18:36

I would think he wasn’t standing on his own two feet and wouldn’t have the ability to look after me

Why should anyone have to look after you?

Really depends on the person in the area that they live in. Some places are a nightmare to get your foot on the ladder, and house shares aren’t for everyone. A lot of people see renting as simply throwing money down the drain that could be saved for a deposit. I guess your friend needs to talk to him and work out the kind of person he is. I have a relative in his mid 30s who still lives with his parents… And he has absolutely no intention of leaving as far as I know. He is their baby and always will be. Surprisingly, he has a long-term partner.

Kales29 · 03/09/2021 18:36

It's incredibly hard to move out right now both renting and buying the housing market is insane. It's so hard for young people. So I wouldn't necessarily put off no. I would be looking into the bigger picture. Does he have a steady job, sensible, does he take responsibility for himself despite living at home ie cooking, laundry etc. If he's living off parents and not doing a lot with his life then I would be out off.

Dp was living with his mum when we met - he was 33. He had his own place (owned) in the past but sold up to move closer to his mum and couldn't afford to buy in that area, moved in with a girlfriend then that didn't work out he ended up at home again before buying a new place. Even if he hadn't had his own previously I don't think I would of been put off. He had a steady job, didn't rely on his mum and her hiuse was so big that the downstairs (upside down house) was practically his own space anyway as his parents were upstairs!

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/09/2021 18:38

I would think he wasn’t standing on his own two feet and wouldn’t have the ability to look after me so it would be an instant dealbreaker for me. You need a man that is living on his own to prove he can look after himself .... so that he can look after you? Confused

namechange7865 · 03/09/2021 18:39

I would think he wasn’t standing on his own two feet and wouldn’t have the ability to look after me so it would be an instant dealbreaker for me.

Can you seriously not spot the irony here.......

EvilPea · 03/09/2021 18:39

In this day and age I’d say it’s prudent ... assuming they are saving for a house

Snoozer11 · 03/09/2021 18:39

Surely all that matters is how he treats her?

LBirch02 · 03/09/2021 18:41

I think as previous posters have said it depends on family dynamics- but imo not ideal

Standrewsschool · 03/09/2021 18:41

Quite common nowadays. However, it depends on the person. If he’s fairly independant, saving for a deposit, able to cook etc then he should be fine. If his mum does everything and he sits around all day, then not.

Unfashionable · 03/09/2021 18:43

When I was young back in the 1980s, a 26 year old still living with their parents would have been considered very unusual. Most working class people were married with children and a mortgage by that age.

But times have changed, and these days far more people are still in FT education until 21 or older, property is vastly more expensive and most graduates are still single at 30, so 26 year olds who live with their parents are now perfectly normal.

countrygirl99 · 03/09/2021 18:43

Both my DSs were living at home for quite a while but they were doing their share of the chores and cooking.

dworky · 03/09/2021 18:50

I think ideally it is but, what with property prices & covid, far more likely.

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 03/09/2021 18:54

DP first moved out of his parents home (and in with me into rented) at 27. I moved away from home at 20.

He had saved a higher chunk of money for a deposit for a house and had purchased and fully restored a vintage bay window camper and another vintage car, so decent money in assets. He payed his way at home and wasn’t coddled by mummy, contributed to housework properly but did need some guidance with things like setting up utilities etc. as he had never done it before but several houses later he is lead for most of the bills and set them up, monitors etc. His mum did still cook for him and did his washing but that’s because she’s that type of person and he absolutely didn’t expect her to do it, and certainly didn’t expect me to do it, he cooked the first meal for us when we moved in tbh.

Me on the other hand was a reckless 20 something, no savings, skint all the time (I was a student until I moved in with him to be fair) nothing to show for years of full time work before I went to uni at 23, even now he is still the most responsible one out of the two of us and always has more savings. Living at home didn’t make him incapable or lazy or any other of the outdated stereotypes of a man daring to live at home that’s lauded on here.

It absolutely depends on the person, their circumstances and their home life (how they contribute etc). You cant just write someone off for purely living at home imo.

ISpyCobraKai · 03/09/2021 18:55

Dd has just turned 20, her Bf is 21.
They rent a two bed flat together and have been there a year.
Perhaps it will take them longer to buy, but they have independence and living at home wasn't an option for either of them.
Their flat is actually really lovely, I'm very proud of them for managing the way that they have.

girlmom21 · 03/09/2021 18:58

If she's that judgemental of his situation she should let him find someone who doesn't mind.

VladmirsPoutine · 03/09/2021 19:05

He's 26!! FGS! Of course it's ok. How many 26yr olds have their own homes and high flying careers.

Georgyporky · 03/09/2021 19:06

Nothing wrong with it, per se.
DH went back to live with MIL after Uni until he was c.35.
Symbiotic relationship, he paid rent, did "manly" jobs, & ferried her around. She cooked & did his laundry. They both benefitted from it .

UserOfManyNames · 03/09/2021 19:07

My DD is 24 and still at home. It seems to be quite normal to still be living at home at that age amongst her friends. The only ones that don’t are those that have children so they can claim top up housing benefit to help pay the rent.

It costs £1k a month here (South East, 30 miles outside London) to rent a one bedroom ex local authority flat. She takes only takes home £1600 and has travel costs into London of around £300 a month. I had a flat in central London at her age for £400 a month and I was earning around the same as she is!

Pixxie7 · 03/09/2021 19:10

Not necessarily I think that one of the problems with unmarried adults moving out of home is contributing to the housing shortage. For instance a family of 4 all live in one house the 2 adult children move out resulting in 3 properties.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 03/09/2021 19:13

My son in his late 20s still lives at home. He pays us "rent" monthly (much less then actual rent would be). He has a full time job. Owns his own car. Buys his own food. Washes his own clothes. He also has a very nice amount of money saved to buy a house. Only thing holding him back is the ridiculous prices right now. I told him he would regret paying the inflated prices around us if he bought now. So he is waiting, because the prices will come down and then he will be able buy and never have wasted a lot of money on rent (rent prices are ridiculously high here). I rented for decades. I was not able to buy until my 40s.

BlossomOnTrees · 03/09/2021 19:15

Area you live makes a huge difference as well.
Anyone who judges someone living at home and not renting in London/South East needs their head read. As a single person it is incredibly hard to make your own way in these areas.

GingersHaveSoulsToo · 03/09/2021 19:26

@Fatya

Very normal now. The average age children leave the family home is 25 in the UK.
It is 26 in Scotland. So really normal.
Fatya · 03/09/2021 19:40

And those are pre-covid averages. It's likely higher now.