To be looking forward to the day my alcoholic parent dies?

[Hurdl]

Do you think I'm unreasonable and cruel?

I truly mean it.

The constant stress and waiting for 'that' phone call has almost driven me to losing my own mind. Going NC wasn't the magic fix I thought it would be. I just want it to end now. I need peace.

Could have written this myself. It comes to something when you'd rather a parent dead than alive. The world will be a better place without him

@Hurdl Knowing my luck she will live to 100 just to spite me I thought this with my in law but they died this year. The relief of not having to deal with their drunken shit, quite literally for my poor dh, is immense.

YES! to all of @ChargingBuck's posts!

Thank you @ThirstyWork.

This is not the thread to start making jokes about apt user names on - I am womanfully resisting some puns!

@ChargingBuck - former boozehound here, from a long line of alcoholics... perhaps a more positive name is due now I'm sober :-)

@Hurdl, I know it's so, so hard to be in this situation, but your actions will never change your mum's behaviour, so you have absolutely no need to feel guilty - whatever you do will NEVER make an iota of difference to her, so you may as well look after your own wellbeing and happiness. Sending love. xx

I think that you will find it easier to switch off from her once your baby is here. Yes there will still be some anger and sadness at your baby not having a grandmother around or you having a mum to help you out, but it will make it easier for you to protect yourself and your baby and cut yourself off. Your own little family will become your focus. I'm sorry that you're going through this. It is tough.

I so sympathise. My alcoholic mother died when I was in my early forties, and my life has been immeasurably better since.

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you are going through this. My alcoholic mother is now terminally ill and in hospice care. I feel tremendous sadness but also relief. For the first time ever I now enjoy and can relax when I visit my family home, I can bring my children there, I don’t have to answer her non sensical phone calls at night…the list goes on. It’s terrible to write it down, but it’s the truth.

So no judgement from me. I came on to say I read a book called ‘Adult Children of Alcoholics’ and it changed my life and helped to to detach from my mum and all the toxicity of my childhood. I do take PP’s point about late pregnancy perhaps not being an ideal time to dredge things up. Having said that I have found that motherhood tends to make me reflect on my own mother a lot and bring it all back to the surface anyway.

Wishing you all the luck with your pregnancy and beyond xxx

Yanbu at all. Tell whoever is upsetting you that you do Not want to talk about it, that if they do you will ring off or leave the room and be prepared to do it. I did (for something else) and it was very empowering. When that person Did start up again I did indeed get up and leave the room. They were gobsmacked. It worked a treat and never had a problem again.

It's a great name @ThirstyWork.
Nothing wrong with a bit of black humour to get you past the trauma xx

No judgment here the misery caused is just awful

I feel similar way about my mum (she isn’t an alcoholic)

I know I will feel a sense of relief when she dies I don’t even feel sad about that and I don’t feel I shall miss her

I'm so, so sorry OP. You deserve so much better and it sounds like you've got your life together despite how your mum has behaved - that is an achievement in itself.

If it helps you to disingage then do it

Ugh I understand this and also the family members who try and drag you back in so they don’t have to deal with it on their own. They have chosen to be involved but are judgemental and angry they you have chosen to separate
I’m sorry for you. I also wish my parent would die. I wish us both joy and peace. Good luck with your baby.