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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To update you on my invasive neighbour?

86 replies

UtterDoughnut · 01/09/2021 23:04

I posted a few weeks ago about a neighbour who had sent me a message about my children, complete with photo of the back of my house. I had lots of great advice and sympathy from you all, and I had the thread deleted while pending police intervention.

Update: Police agreed that she had crossed a serious line, especially following her previous damage, trespassing and theft of our property and the fact that we'd laid it out in text that there were boundaries and she was invading our privacy.

They sent a team round to speak to her and tell her to pack it in. The office who came over to see us said they would tell her that if she behaved like this again, they could reasonably arrest her for harassment. They were also going to quietly assess her for vulnerability or mental health needs.

We haven't seen her since, although we know she is there because she slams cupboards a lot. RESULT.

OP posts:
Original poster
UtterDoughnut · 02/09/2021 07:34

I'm pleased, and it's MN support that helped me to make the move to properly report her.

OP posts:
Bonnieonthelam · 02/09/2021 07:45

@Journeynotdestination

Good news!

Shame can’t say the same about the Mumsnet police already jumping on your thread 🙄

I know. Ridiculous. The correct response to the OP would be. That’s great.

Some people are idiots. Police didn’t reveal her mental health issues FGS. It’s totally valid to question the marbles of a woman behaving like that.

custardbear · 02/09/2021 07:46

I don't recall this thread what happened?

Mseddy · 02/09/2021 07:59

Strangly I was just thinking about your original thread yesterday! Glad the police took your complaint seriously OP! Still wonder if she knew she was sending the message to you or it was an accident!!

ApolloandDaphne · 02/09/2021 08:00

That's a great outcome.

Whydidimarryhim · 02/09/2021 08:03

There are lots of odd,eccentric or people bordering on mental health issues. That’s all ok - it becomes an issue when they start impacting on other people.
No confidentiality has been breached her.
It was the op suggestion and she was being re assured.
The neighbour may settle down more and or hopefully get the help she needs.

SukonthaM · 02/09/2021 08:04

@Geamhradh

Absolutely outrageous you were given confidential information like that.
It’s not outrageous. I alerted the police to an elderly neighbour suddenly behaving very bizarrely/aggressively. They let me know he was being assessed for brain diseases and asked me to keep an eye on him and immediately phone 999 if he did certain things. If they hadn’t have let me know then I’d have continued phoning them, plus as/adult services because I did actually suspect him of having dementia. They are allowed to give limited information about certain things
MrsRobbieHart · 02/09/2021 08:05

@Journeynotdestination

Good news!

Shame can’t say the same about the Mumsnet police already jumping on your thread 🙄

Well it’s hardly MN police is it? Are you really saying you would be happy if you had a run in with a neighbour and the police told the neighbour they were going to assess you for MH needs?
MrsRobbieHart · 02/09/2021 08:07

Irrelevant

So? Confused so is lots of shit people post on MN. Like quoting a post just to say “irrelevant”.

TravellingWanabee · 02/09/2021 08:09

Well it’s hardly MN police is it? Are you really saying you would be happy if you had a run in with a neighbour and the police told the neighbour they were going to assess you for MH needs?

It's not quite like that though is it?

OP said "we're worried about her mental health", they replied "it will be assessed". It's not like OP said "my neighbour's being a dick" and they replied "we'll look into her mental well being".

SwanShaped · 02/09/2021 08:09

Glad they took it seriously! It was so weird. And good they’re checking for any additional needs she might have.

MrsRobbieHart · 02/09/2021 08:10

Some people are idiots. Police didn’t reveal her mental health issues FGS. It’s totally valid to question the marbles of a woman behaving like that.

I’m not an idiot, thank you. I think that counts as a personal attack BTW. I didn’t say they revealed her mental heal issues. I said I wasn’t sure they should be telling OP that they will be carrying out a MH needs assessment. This was before OP clarified that she had asked them to consider it and they confirmed that they could.

As for marbles Hmm lovely mental illness shaming there. You sound nice.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 02/09/2021 08:11

@Mamanyt

Pity about the slamming cupboards, however, it is, in the end, small potatoes, compared to what you were going through.

BTW, and entirely OT (off topic)...did you know that "cupboard" originally meant an open shelf? It was literally a board to hold cups and other dishes.

Interesting fact, I did wonder why it was called that.

The police can be very inapproprate sometimes. When I was a victim of domestic violence once and called them one of them said to me I might want to overlook it because I could lose my house and end up in a hostel if I pursued my claim against him!!!!

I was livid.

TheWeatherWitch · 02/09/2021 08:11

@custardbear can I message you. It was a lot going on. Too much to repost here, especially as op wanted it deleted.

MrsRobbieHart · 02/09/2021 08:12

It's not quite like that though is it?

OP said "we're worried about her mental health", they replied "it will be assessed". It's not like OP said "my neighbour's being a dick" and they replied "we'll look into her mental well being".

And if you read the thread top to bottom, you’ll see that my initial post was before OP posted the clarification about why they said this.

Sssloou · 02/09/2021 08:15

That’s really great that MN encouraged you to report it and it is as resolved as it can be. Can you give a v brief summary of her actions - might be helpful to others to see where an irritant behaviours transgress to legal harassment.

Well done to you and for updating.

Thehop · 02/09/2021 08:20

Brilliant result OP

Artdecolover · 02/09/2021 08:20

Locally to me there is a woman who has waged a war on her neighbours for no reason.
She is on cctv spraying their plants with weedkiller, damaging fences, litteringtheir garden...
No dementia, mh issues. She's just an evil old bitch.
It took years of reports to get her to court. Once threatened with prison time she stopped.
Funny that.
If the police and courts took this sort of behaviour more seriously then more of it would stop.

Xenia · 02/09/2021 08:42

If someone asking the police to lookinto someone's mental health needs are told by the police they will do so that is not breach of any confidentiality (and indeed the police might well do nothing anyway as they are pretty busy - it is not as if they have handed over her medical file to the neighbour!)

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/09/2021 08:46

@Geamhradh

Absolutely outrageous you were given confidential information like that.
It's not confidential information if they said 'thank you for raising that as a possibility, we will assess that when we meet her' It would be confidential information if they told her the outcome
MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 02/09/2021 09:08

@MrsRobbieHart

It's not quite like that though is it?

OP said "we're worried about her mental health", they replied "it will be assessed". It's not like OP said "my neighbour's being a dick" and they replied "we'll look into her mental well being".

And if you read the thread top to bottom, you’ll see that my initial post was before OP posted the clarification about why they said this.

Yes, because you just had to post immediately to get your dig in to the OP first, rather than asking or waiting for clarification.

It was very clear from the OP that she’d written a previous thread but rather than wonder how bad the situation was for the OP, you wanted to make your important point and SHAME the OP.

Really not nice.

MrsRobbieHart · 02/09/2021 09:11

Yes, because you just had to post immediately to get your dig in to the OP first, rather than asking or waiting for clarification.

Erm, it was a dig at the police!! Confused not the OP. Have you actually read my post that you’re accusing of being a dig at the OP?

Shame the OP?? You’re just making things up altogether.

GnomeDePlume · 02/09/2021 09:16

@Mamanyt

Pity about the slamming cupboards, however, it is, in the end, small potatoes, compared to what you were going through.

BTW, and entirely OT (off topic)...did you know that "cupboard" originally meant an open shelf? It was literally a board to hold cups and other dishes.

I like this sort of information.

It also means that OP's neighbour is not just being annoying, she is doing cupboards wrong!

ineedsun · 02/09/2021 09:22

@Geamhradh

Absolutely outrageous you were given confidential information like that.
Don’t be ridiculous, it’s clear from the OP (even without the benefit of reading the first thread) that there was a context of odd behaviour and the police were just letting her know how they intended to deal with it. Sounds like they were very thorough and professional.
MagnoliaBeige · 02/09/2021 09:27

Great outcome, I remember the original thread.