Are all kids like this?

[PumpkinKlNG]

Do all kids play up for their mums but act like little angels with everyone else? My mum is constantly saying how great they are with her but it couldn’t be further from the truth at home, for example if I brush my dds hair she will scream the place down but if my mum said she did it at her house she will say she say nicely and didn’t have any trouble at all another example dd is out of nappies but doesn’t really use the toilet at home and keeps having accidents but my mum will say she uses the toilet fine at hers and never any issues? Older dd needs constant supervision as she tends to wonder off otherwise when out again apparently that never happens when she’s with my mum, Another one is my son won’t sleep with the light off at home apparently fine at her house?! I could go on all day! But you get the message, aibu to wonder if this is normal?

Oh to add she says it’s just because I’m not strict enough

They push boundaries with you because your safe, their comfort blanket; this is how they learn about their identities and the world. They are golden for grandparents because they tend to spoil them which parents cannot do all the time. This is a special relationship. The fact that they know how to behave appropriately with your mum suggests you are doing a great job. And when your a grandmother is will be pay back time

I think it's what alot of grandparents do/say, my mum and my ex's parents are the same, "oh she behaved all day", "well when we did this, she was fine", "well she didn't mind ME doing it", and then I'm left scratching my head, but I've seen how she can behave in front of them, but they never mention the 'naughty behaviour' just the good, I just think they don't want to admit half the time that just because they're the grandparents, doesn't mean their precious grandchildren, can't sometimes be little Devils, even for them. It always made me laugh too, when she started talking, a few words here or there, and honeslty you'd think she'd written an Oscar winning speech with the things "she said" proper coherent sentences at that 😂 On a whole, Grandparents like to embellish a little xx

Your mum probably has more patience and doesn't see behaviour as bad in the same way you do. I'm forever telling my kids off for something and my mum will say it's not worth telling them off about. So, she probably has the same nonsense you have to put up with, she is just blind to it or happier to ignore it because she doesn't need to live with the consequences.

No I don’t think it’s more patience, she claims it’s the opposite, she says I’m too soft, too laid back, not strict enough and that’s why they behave for her, she says it’s the opposite that I’m not strict enough 🤷‍♀️

I think it’s pretty common for kids to push boundaries where they feel most comfortable.

I teach small children and every year there’s parents gobsmacked they’re getting glowing feedback from me on their well behaved angel as they’re a nightmare at home!

Yes they mostly do. They’re entirely sure of you, other people not so much.

Yes.
Because they're little dickheads....although probably the explanations above are more erudite.

I think also other people often want to seem capable so even if they were misbehaving you probably wouldn't hear about it.

I'm sure loads of kids do.

I'm also sure your mum is exaggerating how well behaved your DC are when they're with her.

Yep! You're their safe place. It's frustrating but it's normal - it would be more worrying if they felt they had to be model children at home.

It means a child feels truly safe with you, take it as a compliment for good parenting.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/parenting.firstcry.com/articles/this-is-the-real-reason-children-are-100-times-naughtier-with-moms-not-dads/%3famp

Thanks she makes out like it’s the opposite and I’m just not as strict as she is and she “puts her foot down”

Yes. My DC is apparently an angel for nursery .

I love them to pieces and they can be very sweet and (usually unintentionally) funny but they are very full-on, wearing and needy of attention a lot of the time. Also, as a "threenager", they're pushing boundaries and being outrightly rude more and more these days.

Yes, it's normal. The good news is that it shows you're being a good parent. A friend used to work in a school for kids with emotional and behavioural difficulties. Many of them had horrific home lives, and school was their safe space, which meant their behaviour was even worse....

I think it's a combination of you being their 'safe space', and grandparental embellishment.

I will never forget the time my in-laws were looking after my 3 children for the weekend. I was on the phone to MIL, and I asked how the children were . As she was telling me that they were being angels, I could hear my FIL in the background telling them not to throw their Rice Krispies on the floor!

What @lilmishap said! I’m always pleased my kids behave well for other people & keep their inner demon for me. At least others think I’m doing a good job raising nice, polite children. You’re doing a great job op.

They don’t see it like that though they think it proves that I’m not strict or firm enough with them and I’m too soft and they aren’t which is why they misbehave for me and not for them.

Yeah, my autistic child is allegedly "fine" (ie not autistic or stressed out) with my mum. Any traits that were identified by the multidisciplinary panel who diagnosed him are either imaginary, or are temporary and exist only due to our poor parenting style.

Neither of our children go there anymore.

That's normal.

When ds was small, the school said he was polite and a joy to teach. At home he could be like an obstinate little gremlin on speed. It's frustrating but they test boundaries at home, see what they can get away with.

Ignore your mum's comments. Deep breath and keep on doing what you're doing.

A*n obstinate little gremlin on speed
*
Love this description!

Wait until they start school and you go to parents evening. I’ve often been tempted to ask the teacher if they are talking about a different child. This hard working well behaved child certainly wasn’t mine

Sounds normal to me. Different contexts and different relationships. Not about parenting style necessarily. If their worst behaviour is with you it’s a sign that this is where they feel most safe.

Fairyliz

Wait until they start school and you go to parents evening. I’ve often been tempted to ask the teacher if they are talking about a different child. This hard working well behaved child certainly wasn’t mine grin

Same. I sometimes have really feel like I need to double check that they have the right kid in mind! Better this way round though rather than the worst coming out in school. Eek!

Your mum has forgotten the realities of being a parent and is looking on things with rose tinted spectacles.
The kids do behave differently for her - while they are there she only has to deal with them, not the rest of real life, they know she is more likely to reward, at the same time as being less likely to tell them off (despite what she might say), also it's exciting being there so there is less chance of them wanting to play up because they are busy and excited to be there.
If you are not in the mood for highlighting this and the ensuing argument/defensiveness/attack on your parenting then just smile, nod and refuse to get drawn into that kind of conversation with them. I have perfected the art of small talk with grandparents about inconsequential topics and will swerve anything which would lead them into their actual favourite topic of criticizing me, their son and the world in general...