To be considering not to bother with nursery?

Original poster

Blue5098 · 01/09/2021 22:19

I forgot to add I have really bad SPD!

OP posts:

TheWayTheLightFalls · 01/09/2021 22:20

I’d send him, otherwise in two months you’ll be at home with him and a newborn and it’s likely to be a huge disruption to his routine if nothing else.

OwlinaTree · 01/09/2021 22:20

Could he do afternoons? You might want him to have some time there once the baby is here.

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/09/2021 22:22

Since he hasn’t really missed it, then not at all selfish to skip it and keep him home with you. The only thing I’d worry about is he might lose his place? So be sure you are alright if you end up with him home until the special school starts.

HonoreDeBallsack · 01/09/2021 22:23

I wouldn't bother, as you don't have to. People can bang on all they like about nursery being brilliant, but being at home is brilliant, too.

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 01/09/2021 22:23

Can he do afternoons? 9 is quite a late start round here. Does he want to go?

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 01/09/2021 22:24

And what will you do once baby is here? It might be good for him to have something that is his own to go to.

UserStillatLarge · 01/09/2021 22:25

Assuming he's 3 as you mention school next year,I think he will get the benefits of being in a preschool environment, that will help him adjust more quickly to school.
However my DC were 20 months apart and I took my oldest out of nursery for exactly the reason you say- -so I didn't have to worry about nursery runs.

NorthernDramaLlama · 01/09/2021 22:25

I'd take DS to nursery and use the time he is there to try to relax, nap, get ready for baby number 2. At the very least you'll be better rested when he comes back and he'll be in a routine when you give birth. With his extra needs I think it's even more important for him to have some stability. Sorry you're suffering, but I feel that by going the extra mile now you might reap the reward later. Big hugs!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/09/2021 22:26

Yanbu, but I do think nursery the year before school helps kids settle when they start school, especially if a few kids move on to the same school together etc.

My kid starts this time, we met some other parents via a parent group and the difference between the kids who already met at nursery & the "new" kids was really noticeable in terms of getting stuck in socially.

Nursery has a much higher adult to child ratio & generally smaller groups, so it's a much gentler way to settle a child into a new setting than reception with 30 kids in a room.

However, I dont know much about autism or special needs schools, its possible the above points are totally irrelevant in your case.

Either way it's your choice and not the end of the world if he doesnt go. I'd probably look for a more convenient setting before I ruled it out entirely though.

Mid30smidlifecrisis · 01/09/2021 22:26

Doesn't sound selfish. Just do what's right for you and your little one.

Thatsplentyjack · 01/09/2021 22:27

No child needs to go to nursery as long as you are trying teaching him the basics, colours, numbers, some letters etc. And kids generally pick that up through everyday things anyway, and socialising him, he will be absolutely fine bring off.
Do what you feel is best for you.

Hercisback · 01/09/2021 22:28

Short term pain for long term gain. Those 2 days with 'only' a newborn at home will be worth it. Get him used to nursery before baby arrives and then it will form part of his routine.

6fingerkitkat · 01/09/2021 22:29

Really think through how it will be when new baby arrives.

My second was Velcro and high needs and I barely coped with two children on the days my eldest wasn't at nursery.

No sleep and I was a mess. Those days I could focus on feeding my baby without trying to entertain a 3 yo.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 01/09/2021 22:30

Why do the mornings all boil down to you rushing about? Where is your partner in all of this?

I think routine would be good for your son and if you start it now it won't feel like you only put him in nursery if you decide you need it after his sibling is born. Just a thought.

Original poster

Blue5098 · 01/09/2021 22:30

He's in receipt of the government funded 15 free hours and the nursery like that to be spread across two full days, which I was more than happy with.

They aren't at all flexible though (I appreciate they don't owe me flexibility with funded hours) so afternoons isn't an option - although that would just mean more walking there and back over the course of a week anyway. Its 1.7 miles so not just up the road.

As strange as it sounds, having him there is actually more stressful for me than not. I don't relish in the break as some would assume I would. It just feels like an unnecessary slog, unlike school.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/09/2021 22:31

@HonoreDeBallsack

I wouldn't bother, as you don't have to. People can bang on all they like about nursery being brilliant, but being at home is brilliant, too.

This ^^ 1 million times over.

My 3 DC didn't go to baby groups or toddler groups and only attended the school nursery aged about 3 and a half.

All 3 thrived at school (2 are at Uni now) and had plenty of socialization since they were born.

They were/are NT though unlike the OPs DC, so I don't know about it from that side of things.

Hercisback · 01/09/2021 22:33

It's OK now while he's the only one at home. Add in another child and everything is different.

Is there any sort of public transport? Could you afford a taxi for the mornings?

Original poster

Blue5098 · 01/09/2021 22:34

I'm taking everything on board to consider, thank you.

My other half works nights so he's no good in the mornings irrespective of whether or not he's been working. When he's off he stays up very late to keep to his routine which means he sleeps late into the next morning.

OP posts:

PepsiHoover · 01/09/2021 22:35

@TheWayTheLightFalls

I’d send him, otherwise in two months you’ll be at home with him and a newborn and it’s likely to be a huge disruption to his routine if nothing else.

I agree with this.

Definitely keep the space for once the baby arrives.

Ozanj · 01/09/2021 22:36

@Blue5098

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and feeling a bit fed up with the nursery run beginning again next week. I don't need the childcare as I'm a SAHM but felt under pressure to put DS in for two days a week as people were raving about how great it would be for him, socialization is important etc. He has autism and an EHCP, lined up for a special needs school next year.

I suffer from insomnia and the last thing I need in the final weeks leading up to giving birth is having to get up and rush about in the mornings irrespective of how many times I've been up in the night. He has to be there by 9am and It's also a fair distance.

WIBU to be considering just not bothering with nursery on account that I don't actually need the childcare or is that selfish of me? He hasn't really missed it over the holidays.

No, I’m sorry but with his autism I would be doing everything possible not to disrupt his routines even more than having a baby and starting a new school will. Otherwise you will find he regresses even further when he starts the new school. I know it’s difficult but you need to keep in mind that he didn’t ask you to get pregnant again - what is the child’s father doing in all this? He needs to be supporting his child more as you progress in your pregnancy.

FTEngineerM · 01/09/2021 22:36

Nursery is only brilliant if it works for you.
If it doesn’t, it’s a headache.
Don’t give yourself a headache.

Original poster

Blue5098 · 01/09/2021 22:36

I've looked into public transport and there's no direct bus as the nursery is in an awkward location.

Taxis would be possible, but having to get up early and get him ready when I feel half dead is the majority of the issue.

I'm up atleast 3 times in the night at the moment, awake for atleast 45 minutes at a time.

OP posts:

Ozanj · 01/09/2021 22:37

@Blue5098

I'm taking everything on board to consider, thank you.

My other half works nights so he's no good in the mornings irrespective of whether or not he's been working. When he's off he stays up very late to keep to his routine which means he sleeps late into the next morning.

My dc is a nurse who also works nights and still manages the school run. If his working nights is hampering family life then he needs a new job.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/09/2021 22:38

If he starts school next year is he 3? Is he not eligible for 30 hours, not 15?

If not eligible for 30 for income reasons you have a pretty high income - maybe you might consider it you would be able to negotiate a bit of top up fee as a voluntary contribution in return for flexibility on hours?