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Original poster

Thread regarding guys asking for you to pay for food shopping/travelling arrangements

62 replies

Pebbles549 · 31/08/2021 23:38

Hi everyone I haven't been on here for some time but god I feel so depressed almost to the point like I don't want to be here anymore with the stresses of modern life.

I shall convey the situation to you.

There was a guy friend I was seeing who lives about 1 hour 40 minutes away. He has a car. I don't.

Now I paid for a train ticket to visit him at his parents house. On that occasion I sort of stupidly believed he had a spare bedroom but he did not so I sort of slept next to him in his bed.

His family were accommodating but felt his mom sort of mommycoddles him and his brother. The train fare was £25.70.

He has now got a new house however I know he has saved up a massive amount of money over the years. I am aware he has to pay a mortgage however at the same time he asked if I want to start dating him as in a relationship.

Now as I said above he lives 1 hour 40 minutes away and I have to sort of lug my suitcase around on to the bus, then get of the bus and go to the train station lugging it down steps

This guy hasn't one even offered to drive over to pick me up so once again I get the train to visit him at his new house.

I stayed a week. We got a little bit of food shopping in from tesco..hardly anything that breaks that bank as he has a small fridge. He never really cooked me anything special just a shepherds pie in the oven with a bit of brocoli and carrots but it was nice and i said thanks

My birthday was last Wednesday on the 25th and I had 3 days off work.

Did he come to see me? No

Did he see me over the bank holiday? No

I even asked him what are you doing on the Monday? Eem I'm not sure

But clearly wasn't interested in seeing me

So we then discussed me going up again this weekend and I said to make the most of it I coukd maybe stay a few days

But now he's starting.

He said just so yoy know I'm being cautious so I'm avoiding crowded areas.. meaning it's a get out clause not to go for a drink.

He is also saying he can't afford to go for a drink or anything to eat.

And now wants me to buy the food shopping when we don't even live with each other and I'm running round catching trains to see him

I'm pretty pissed off about this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pebbles549 · 31/08/2021 23:39

I'm also try to save money aswell, I think its incredibly mean and tight arsed his behaviour and seems to be pulling every excuse out under the sun to do nothing or not even do much with me

OP posts:
Yesmate · 31/08/2021 23:41

What are you getting out of this? Me, I would cut ties and be done. Doesn’t sound fun.

Iamthewombat · 31/08/2021 23:41

I think you know the answer, don’t you? This man isn’t worth your time, energy and train fares. You can do better!

PrancingQueen · 31/08/2021 23:42

Sorry OP, but I wouldn’t waste my time on this one.
He sounds tight and he’s got you doing all the running.

ZenNudist · 31/08/2021 23:44

Don't go.

ANameChangeAgain · 31/08/2021 23:44

He is isn't exactly making an effort. He sounds dull, tight and lazy. Dump.

Elouera · 31/08/2021 23:45

Sorry, but I don't know what you are expecting us all to say?

When you visit, what are YOU getting out of the visits? Its very clear that he isn't right and is using you! Find someone that appreciates and respects you. This guy isn't doing that!

Thelikelylass · 31/08/2021 23:46

This sounds like some bleak Mike Leigh film.
Move on OP, what a joyless experience for you.

ChequerBoard · 31/08/2021 23:47

Don't go chasing off to his house again. Invite him to come to yours. If he can't be arsed to make his way to you then you know he's just not that into you.

It's too easy for him when you are making all the effort, it's not an equal relationship.

Give him one shot and bin him off if he's not keen to be the one travelling to se you.

Longdistance · 31/08/2021 23:50

Sounds like he can’t be bothered to make the effort. Sounds rather dull. 1 hour 40 minutes, he’s not worth the effort.

Shelddd · 31/08/2021 23:50

Is he like exceptionally good looking? I just don't get what you're getting out of this. Sounds like so much work on your end.

UndertheCedartree · 31/08/2021 23:55

Why on earth would you go to his? It's his turn to come to you. Just say 'Actually, I think it's your turn to come to me!'. But tbh he just sounds really tight and selfish so I'd end it.

Mrstamborineman · 01/09/2021 01:08

Yabu to consider so little of yourself that you eat up the shit sandwiches from him.

QueenBee52 · 01/09/2021 01:11

Kick this one to the kerb 🌸

ilovesooty · 01/09/2021 01:12

Does he have a gold plated turbo charged penis?

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 01/09/2021 01:18

You are, I’m afraid, a girlfriend in the same vein as a mobile hairdresser.

He’s taking the piss while the train is taking the strain.

Move on. Quick.

NiceGerbil · 01/09/2021 01:20

Well

If I didn't have a car/ want to drive and I was going to see someone i wouldn't expect them to put in for my fare.
And I wouldn't expect them to drive 1hr 40 to pick me up and take me back to where he'd come from. So that bits not bu.

I would expect to go halves on food and share the cooking if he lives alone. I wouldn't expect a week of free food and being cooked for. Unless they offered and seemed to mean it.

So that's ok too. Did you say something? I mean if you're staying wouldn't it be let's go the shop what shall we eat and kind of do it together?

Anyway.

The other stuff is not ok.

He wants you to come visit but is not prepared to put himself out to see you. Even though he can drive.

Saying you should visit and buy the food?
Fuck that.

The bit I don't understand. Is that you are friends and going to visit. Staying etc. He asked you out? I mean if you fancy each other something would have happened by now!!
Seems a bit random him asking.

He's a shit friend.

Why keep staying? If you enjoy his company then meet halfway on train for day/ evening out.

I don't understand why you're seeing him so often or anything really! Why are you doing this?!

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 01/09/2021 02:03

He is tight and you deserve better. He also sounds a bit dull, don't waste your time.

Susannahmoody · 01/09/2021 02:06

So you take the train for 2 hours to see him, sleep with him, then go home? And pay for food for his house? He never comes to see you? But he has a car?

Confused

Yeah, it's a no from me.

Newestname001 · 01/09/2021 02:45

@Pebbles549

The solution is very much in your hands, isn't it?

I can see what he may be getting out of this loosely woven relationship with you, but can't really see many positives for you.

You actually do sound irritated with him - why out more energy into this? Doesn't sound like there is any future in going any further with him. 🌹

Dita73 · 01/09/2021 02:53

Sounds like a complete waste of time

BlackShadowCat · 01/09/2021 03:27

It sounds like he gets everything he wants and you get...?

I think you can do a lot better than this guy. I'd break up with him for sure.

WhoIsPepeSilva · 01/09/2021 03:56

I used to live a similar distance from an ex and either took turns or I'd travel one way by bus/train and he'd drive me the other till I learned to drive.

If you are putting in all the effort it's not worth it is it?

SarahBellam · 01/09/2021 04:06

Cut this one free. He's not worth the effort.

AgentJohnson · 01/09/2021 04:50

The whole point of dating is to see if you’re compatible, you clearly aren’t. You are part of your relationship dynamic too and at present, you’ve decided to be a doormat who is chasing a man who doesn’t sound particularly invested.

Stop prioritising someone who sees you as an option.