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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to just give up shopping and cooking?

96 replies

Sodtbisforsold · 31/08/2021 16:55

It’s awful. It’s lazy . It’s probably unhealthy but …
Every week I order a big household food shop. And every week it gets given away or binned.
Not sure what happened.
I just started to literally hate cooking. I hate washing up even more . I can have lovely quality food sat in the fridge and I’ll still just get take always. I am ill and I am tired. No one else in the household can cook . No one else in the household would wash up as they don’t do domestic stuff ( no issue with this as they literally pay for everything) . At 8 I was a latch key kid and had to make meals for my siblings , by 15 I lived with my boyfriend who expected a full housemaid and cook service. At 17 I was a single working mum cooking for child and myself every night , that was 20 years ago . Youngest is 4. I’m a brilliant cook I can make so many things and I even used to grow most of the food and herbs myself. It was a true passion and I loved feeding people. I’m sick to death of it. I’m done now.to be fair I find a lot of the stuff I used to find rewarding as uninteresting now. I loved gardening and growing stuff, I just pay a chap to keep it tidy now and haven’t even sat out there this year. But I’d literally rather not eat than bother to go and prepare food now and clear up after.
Does anyone else exist entirely on the offerings of Uber eats and a stack of menus on top of the fridge? Will we all be riddled with diabetes and heart problems because of it?
Ds is already chunky but he decided he hated the activity club I’d prebooked for the summer after 2 sessions ( wasting over a thousand quid!) didn’t go and has therefore done largely nothing all summer) he’s really healthy otherwise. It’s not ideal though is it?

OP posts:

Jangle33 · 31/08/2021 16:59

How old is DS that didn’t go to the activity camp?

Rocktheboat87 · 31/08/2021 17:04

Interestingly this happens in my house but mainly because my mum insists on cooking a new meal everyday. She'll buy as you do a huge amount of shopping but then doesn't check to see what's going of. So I will always try and eat the bits which are going of.

I often tell her she needs to cook less as you can always make something else if you're still hungry, even just eat a banana. I would be even tempted to say perhaps someone else should do the cooking so see how hard it is and give you a break.

As for the weekly shop, I find it a chore until I've got past the vegetable/ salad and fresh foods. Looking at my list, wondering where the hell everything is and then filling up the trolley.

Perhaps you could try doing online shopping instead?

WorraLiberty · 31/08/2021 17:04

I am ill and I am tired. No one else in the household can cook . No one else in the household would wash up as they don’t do domestic stuff ( no issue with this as they literally pay for everything)

This is bollocks.

No matter how much they pay, I bet it nowhere near adds up to a cleaning, cooking, shopping and laundry service on top of the rent/mortgage and household bills.

I'm not sure who it is that pays, but if they're someone who says they love you (rather than a lodger), they need to stop treating you like shit and pulling their weight.

Original poster

Sodtbisforsold · 31/08/2021 17:06

@Jangle33

How old is DS that didn’t go to the activity camp?

He’s four. His dad tried 3 more times to drop him off but he became really distressed and violent so we gave up .

OP posts:

SparklingLime · 31/08/2021 17:09

@WorraLiberty

This is bollocks.

No matter how much they pay, I bet it nowhere near adds up to a cleaning, cooking, shopping and laundry service on top of the rent/mortgage and household bills.

I'm not sure who it is that pays, but if they're someone who says they love you (rather than a lodger), they need to stop treating you like shit and pulling their weight.

Absolutely this.

Original poster

Sodtbisforsold · 31/08/2021 17:09

@WorraLiberty

This is bollocks.

No matter how much they pay, I bet it nowhere near adds up to a cleaning, cooking, shopping and laundry service on top of the rent/mortgage and household bills.

I'm not sure who it is that pays, but if they're someone who says they love you (rather than a lodger), they need to stop treating you like shit and pulling their weight.

I know what you mean but I’m literally expected to just to a few household bits. He does nearly all the childcare . He’s stopped working for a bit as can afford to and I can’t cope atm. I’m pretty useless and he doesn’t mind that no one cooks. It’s just me worried about littlest one getting fat and not learning the life skills older ones benefitted from .

OP posts:

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 17:10

I hate cooking and food shopping, but you seem to be going from one extreme to another. I produce basic meals, not gourmet but healthy. I online shop for everything ( I hate food shopping). DH cooks a few meals and DS is now learning. Can your DH do a couple of meals on the weekend at least?

Excelthetube · 31/08/2021 17:10

Just be kind to yourself.
Have a break from it for a bit and then hopefully you’ll get your passion back.

Firstly though I would gently advise getting back out and doing a little bit of gardening, if you once loved it it will be so good for you once you get started and you might feel a bit better.

Have you thought about gusto or something like that?

Also no one in the house has an excuse not to cook if you do a gusto type thing, whoever else isn’t contributing really has no say that they can’t read a recipe booklet.

Again with the washing up? No excuse for everyone not to be doing it.

AvantGardening · 31/08/2021 17:12

Of course other adults can cook. If they can read and follow basic instructions they can make a meal

SparklingLime · 31/08/2021 17:13

He’s stopped working, but doesn’t cook (or clean up?) or worry about what the littlest kid eats. But somehow you’ve decided you’re “useless”. Take another look.

Confrontayshunme · 31/08/2021 17:13

I generally hate the armchair diagnoses on her with a passion but this sounds exactly how depression feels for me. Cooking and household things are the first thing to go, then I lose all desire and ability to do anything. It feels like I am wading through cement. Maybe see your GP and discuss how you feel.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 31/08/2021 17:15

You’re an adult so you can weigh up the various pros and cons of takeaways vs. Home cooking and decide for yourself.

I wouldn’t say it’s fair to inflict daily takeaways upon your children though because obviously they’re not able to cook for themselves and y’know childhood obesity.

StormTreader · 31/08/2021 17:15

Theres a middle ground between "big/proper cooking" and "only takeaways" - could you buy premade frozen/ready meal freezer food?

You can get some big lasagnes etc now all ready made, or things like pasta bake sauce that only needs the pasta adding into the dish and then into the oven. It's also ok to cook more than one thing at once if they need the same temperature in the oven so that the next days food is just reheating "leftovers".

It's ok to scale your work back to whats manageable and achievable, and while preprepared will usually not be as nice/healthy as cooked from scratch, its still better and cheaper than 7 days of takeaway every week.

PreparationPreparationPrep · 31/08/2021 17:15

I k ow how you feel - op I feel like this often but can't afford
More than the occasional take away so I pull myself together to coin something.Most of the times

Can you afford to get someone in one day a week to
Make batch meals
For you. So they spend a whole
Day cooking and packing - pop them in freezer for one meal a week. Stew / soups / pies / lasagne etc . ?

MrsRobbieHart · 31/08/2021 17:16

Ds is already chunky but he decided he hated the activity club I’d prebooked for the summer after 2 sessions ( wasting over a thousand quid!) didn’t go and has therefore done largely nothing all summer)

I’d have made him go!

You don’t have to feed or look after yourself well but you do have a responsibility to this small child!

PreparationPreparationPrep · 31/08/2021 17:18

Sorry I meant one meal
A day** for the family -lane your husband can help out with breaks fast and lunch ?

Original poster

Sodtbisforsold · 31/08/2021 17:18

Yeah I probably should have mentioned I’m in pain a lot and really depressed atm. Physically could do more but the motivation is gone . Little one is really hard work. I’ve gotta sort my shit out on so many levels. So many bad habits and laziness . GP’s done as much as they can I think .

OP posts:

Akire · 31/08/2021 17:18

You do sound low and depressed so make sure you do try and speak GP. In mean time how about low energy or frozen meal ideas. Or is putting oven on throwing something on seems over whelming task?

Everyone in house needs take turns with basics, especially if you explain how you are feeling. Families are supposed to be give and take. You sound like could do some TLC x

PreparationPreparationPrep · 31/08/2021 17:19

If you can afford to Buy some help in for now OP and then slowly work on getting yourself well.

LolaLouLou · 31/08/2021 17:20

I have put YABU because of the waste, particularly of meat products and also because you and your partner (who needs to take equal responsibility) are not feeding your 4 year old nutritious meals.

But you sound exhausted and you have said you are ill so someone needs to be looking after you.

Can I suggest you find some strategies to feed your little one, I.e home cook meals, portion them up and freeze them and let the adults around you sort out solutions for themselves.

Original poster

Sodtbisforsold · 31/08/2021 17:21

@MrsRobbieHart

I’d have made him go!

You don’t have to feed or look after yourself well but you do have a responsibility to this small child!

Exactly this is true. He was screaming and biting though each time his dad tried to take him. We had to give up .

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/08/2021 17:22

You sound completely burnt out. There must be a middle ground. If you’re having takeaways all the time you must be spending a fortune.

SparklingLime · 31/08/2021 17:23

You’re very harsh on yourself: “lazy, useless, can’t cope, bad habits”. And all this on top of living with pain and exhaustion.

Would you DP really not wash up despite not working? If DP does childcare, does he deal with most of little DC being hard work?

londonmummy1966 · 31/08/2021 17:25

Can you get a delivery from COOK for a weeks main meals? Then all you have to do is put them in the oven from frozen?

MirrorSignal1 · 31/08/2021 17:26

Have u tried 'cook' meals? They deliver to most parts of country and are basically freshly prepped then frozen meals super healthy and similar (actually way better than) something I might cook myself. You could do these 3 nights a week, do pasta and sauce or baked beans on toast or pizza another few nights and then that leaves u one night a week of takeaeay. Much healthier

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