AIBU to just give up shopping and cooking?

[Sodtbisforsold]

It’s awful. It’s lazy . It’s probably unhealthy but …
Every week I order a big household food shop. And every week it gets given away or binned.
Not sure what happened.
I just started to literally hate cooking. I hate washing up even more . I can have lovely quality food sat in the fridge and I’ll still just get take always. I am ill and I am tired. No one else in the household can cook . No one else in the household would wash up as they don’t do domestic stuff ( no issue with this as they literally pay for everything) . At 8 I was a latch key kid and had to make meals for my siblings , by 15 I lived with my boyfriend who expected a full housemaid and cook service. At 17 I was a single working mum cooking for child and myself every night , that was 20 years ago . Youngest is 4. I’m a brilliant cook I can make so many things and I even used to grow most of the food and herbs myself. It was a true passion and I loved feeding people. I’m sick to death of it. I’m done now.to be fair I find a lot of the stuff I used to find rewarding as uninteresting now. I loved gardening and growing stuff, I just pay a chap to keep it tidy now and haven’t even sat out there this year. But I’d literally rather not eat than bother to go and prepare food now and clear up after.
Does anyone else exist entirely on the offerings of Uber eats and a stack of menus on top of the fridge? Will we all be riddled with diabetes and heart problems because of it?
Ds is already chunky but he decided he hated the activity club I’d prebooked for the summer after 2 sessions ( wasting over a thousand quid!) didn’t go and has therefore done largely nothing all summer) he’s really healthy otherwise. It’s not ideal though is it?

Snap with @londonmummy1966!!

COOK is a great idea

But I feel there is way more to this. You have an unhelpful(to say the least) partner???
You are depressed???
You’ve been to your Gp already??

This sounds like it’s nothing to do with the food

I feel much the same as you OP, used to love cooking and would try a new recipe every evening, now I’m just so exhausted with a small child I can’t face it.

Takeaways every night are unhealthy and expensive though so that’s not the solution.
My approach has been to scale right back in the week so we have very basic things, nice ready meals, things you can just stick in the oven, salads, etc (e.g. tonight I’m having roast veg that’s pre prepared and can just be thrown in the oven, a piece of lemon sole that again just goes in the oven, and cous cous that takes 2 mins to make).

I then save the ‘proper cooking’ for the weekend when I have the time to enjoy it. I’ll generally do one big meal on a Saturday that lasts us for two days.

I go through occasional phases of this. I agree with the person who suggested that some sort of recipe boxes are the way forward, and ideally get your partner to be responsibility for choosing which meals are in the box each week. For me, I get exhausted by the process of having to think up what’s going to be cooked rather than the cooking itself - taking that away lessens the burden a bit. Also get your partner to sit and chat with you while you’re doing the cooking, if you prefer that to trying to upskill your partner. And then maybe have a regular post-prandial (less pretentiously after dinner, just I love the word post-prandial and there’s not much opportunity to use it) walk?

I think you need to start being more realistic when you're doing your food shopping. So stop buying the high effort lovely fresh fish and whole chickens etc. Get pre prepped salads, cherry tomatoes, broccoli florets in a bag, pre sliced Brussels sprouts, stir fry kits, nice premade soups, tins of chickpeas, healthyish frozen dinners. Anything that you can look in the fridge and throw something together in less than 10 minutes.

Talk to the other people in the house and ask for their help.

Because much as I think you need to give yourself a break and be kind to yourself, I don't think it's fair to your four year old to let him get fat from living on takeaways.

I know what you mean but I’m literally expected to just to a few household bits. He does nearly all the childcare . He’s stopped working for a bit as can afford to and I can’t cope atm. I’m pretty useless and he doesn’t mind that no one cooks. It’s just me worried about littlest one getting fat and not learning the life skills older ones benefitted from.

Sorry OP I'm a bit confused. Are you talking about your DP or an adult son?

Everyone in your house should be able to cook. It's a basic life skill and given all the internet tutorials, it's never been easier to learn.

If the person your talking about (either DP or DS) isn't working, they too can help with the cooking.

I was also going to ask if being ill has made you feel depressed. Are you taking an anti- depressant? You might benefit from one?

Perhaps you or your partner/family could batch cook on a "good day" with a big spag bol, curry or batch of jacket potatoes. Then you could stick these in the microwave on a "bad day" adding a packet of microwave 2 minute rice or a quick cook pasta (ready made frozen - ready sliced garlic bread)

Tuna/sweetcorn pasta is loved by our kids and quick, also wraps with ready made salad, hot chicken out the supermarket hot cabinet and salsa/humous etc are other favourites here (we shop for that and eat it straight away like a take away). A frozen pizza is always handy to feed kids if you are not feeling well.

If your kid will eat them you could buy ready prepared carrot sticks and have a fruit bowl.

As above I would try to introduce a little more healthy food sometime (when you can) by using quick and easy stuff until you get your mojo back.

I hope you feel better soon.

Agree with others too though OP, you sound burned out. I can sympathise as I have felt similar this year, I think it’s really important to let go of the guilt of feeling as though you need to do everything. So outsource things where you can, lower your standards and make sure your partner is pulling his weight.

@SparklingLime
I think it’s more a case of doesn’t find the time. Ds is 100mph from 7am till midnight sometimes and he’s naughty. He’ll flood the bathroom or draw on the walls given half a chance. He’s not a bad child but he’s bored and has been so put out since his nursery finished. They were awesome and he thrived in the routine. It’s since they broke up we’ve descended into this shit . Dh doesn’t see mess. It doesn’t bother him. My anxiety manifests as OCD sometimes . I freak out at untidiness and can be found trying to clean when I have tears in my eyes because of pain. I’m grateful he plays and interacts and teaches his son tbh. I’m often a bit shit and detached and dont do enough with him. We seem to keep things going alright apart from this food issue. It’s a stupid little property that we are moving from soon into a better house and I will make sure that a dishwasher and some better kitchen kit is put in. It’s no excuse though , most people would manage fine here as I used to.

I agree with others the food solution is easy. Cook. M&S stir fry things. So many things that aren’t quite ready meals and aren’t takeaways but that take 10 mins.

But your DH needs to be sharing this 50/50

Also get your child back into daycare!?

I hate it too. But I hate takeaways even more! There is nothing reliable round here. If my family would all eat one meal it would be a dream and I'd enjoy it. But one child has asd and hardly eats anything that resembles a meal, and dh is fussy, so every day is 3 different meals.
I have ibs so even I'm restricted as to what I can eat these days. It's tiring.

Oh yanbu, how about

1. Stop getting the big shop and throwing it away.
2. Make Sunday and Wednesday 'cooking days' (either cook something fun with your little boy that you want to teach him, cook a batch meal that will do for the next day too, or do a pizza/tortellini and salad 'easy' meal)
3. Have takeaways, cold cuts or ready meals on the other days for now, but plan in advance.

You are doing the best you can right now and that's ok. When you make it easier on yourself you create room for things to change. Tell your little boys school about your struggles and accept any help they can tie you in with (like food education for him, meals at school, meals in the holidays - you might not need free school meals but you do need support and if they know they can help mitigate the impact on ds).

Tried hello fresh and omg, was even worse, stuck in the kitchen faffing over a recipe for over an hour for something that only me and dh would eat. Got to be something simpler!

I sympathise, I am currently trying to figure out what to cook and shopping only came yesterday, I dont have your cooking skills either, I have a 1 vegan dc , 2 veggie dc one of which is also a fussy eater who actually doesn't like vegetables and a dc who hates anything veggie and only wants meat . Honestly it all seems like such a lot of effort .

I am going through a very low period atm and generally hate cooking with a passion.
I have stopped feeling guilty and ordered a lot of vegan meals from COOK, ok they are still a frozen meal, but better quality and can be paired with some salad.
Please do what is easiest for you.

Is there anything you could put in the oven or slow cooker?
Can you make meal prep a bit easier? Use chopper for the veg?

After your update I too second Cook.

The Quick Roasting Tin in an awesome 30m traybake book. Start by radically simplifying your meals? And getting a bit of time off, I second the burnout thing.

Gousto do 10 min meals, prepped in 5 meals and already chopped meals. Nice and healthy but quick and easy

If you have a rota that takes the thinking out of it. So every Monday it's beans on toast. Every Wednesday ready meals. Every Saturday supermarket pizza. That's 3 takeaways less but without much effort.

I think there's definitely a middle ground to be found with cooking, if you're feeling that depressed and in pain. I don't think a life of takeaways is ever a good option, eating crap won't fuel your body well, and you'll in turn just feel worse.

If you can face huge gourmet meals, think about what you can manage that is simple to make. Even a baked potato with Tuna/beans/cheese and salad, or egg, toast and beans, are simple and nutritious whilst also being easy to manage. If DS already has weight issues, feeding him a diet made up entirely of highly processed foods will really do him no favours, so as a parent, I would say you really do have a responsibility to feed him better than that.

Could you muster the energy to cook a batch of something once a week? Eat one load and freeze a few? If you did a different dish each week you could easily build up a bit of a stash of home cooked meals which basically just need heating up? (I know people on here take the piss when batch cooking is suggested, but I honestly find it a godsend to have some home made meals in the freezer that just need heating and some spaghetti or potatoes and veg adding for eg).

Thanks everyone. Those cook meals look potentially okay. I’m too miserable to enjoy food most of the time. I end up on the loo after a few mouthfuls anyway because my guts are wrecked from medicines and stress related ibs. So I dont have a preference. Often food comes and I don’t have any anyway. Takeaway wise The Turkish meals we have are fine for little one as it’s grilled chicken and salad on pita. The Chinese rice is mainly veg and prawns. I’d say the other meals are more like the typical crap we should try and avoid . So I’ll see if I can swap them for some of these better options. I’m not going to bother buying big food shops though as the waste makes me feel so guilty and I don’t need anything else to lay awake or cry about right now. Adult kids have left home, all set up in nice little flats these ones were fed well and taught to cook brilliantly . I miss them awfully . Very lonely here. Very boring and uninspiring with a bloke who’s just staring at a screen once he gets the chance and a four year old who lacks the capacity for conversation yet. I’ll try some of these meal boxes and frozen things.

Also remember that small children don’t care that much about variety or presentation so as long as you have about the right amount of all the food groups over the course of a week it’s all good (I had a really fussy eater so told myself that a lot).

I think you’re being hard on yourself OP , we all go through ups and downs and I think some people are being quite harsh. Sounds like you might be going through a low mood at the moment : I’ve felt the same with cooking but that’s because I’m pregnant and fed up. So I’ve resorted to really easy meals that I can shove in the oven and rustle up health vegetables or a salad with. Start small, even if you go through a period of ready meals aim to cook a healthy accompaniment with each meal. Then maybe you’ll get your mojo back. Some great suggestions of signing up for gusto or similar companies who send you the ingredients for each meal and you can choose recipes that are quick and healthy. Hope you feel better soon

My theory is that you get used to takeaway food - it’s salty and heavily flavoured. If this is what you eat all the time, then your palate gets used to that - and fresh, healthy food tastes a bit bland. But - and it’s a big but - once you get used to grease, healthy food, you find takeaways/McDonalds type stuff horrible and greasy! So I think it’s a case of making a big effort for a few weeks to give up the takeaway menus. Buy lovely but easy things - salmon fillets, nice veg, the expensive potatoes to go with. That sort of thing. And I bet you won’t want to go back at the end of it.