AIBU to just give up shopping and cooking?

[Sodtbisforsold]

It’s awful. It’s lazy . It’s probably unhealthy but …
Every week I order a big household food shop. And every week it gets given away or binned.
Not sure what happened.
I just started to literally hate cooking. I hate washing up even more . I can have lovely quality food sat in the fridge and I’ll still just get take always. I am ill and I am tired. No one else in the household can cook . No one else in the household would wash up as they don’t do domestic stuff ( no issue with this as they literally pay for everything) . At 8 I was a latch key kid and had to make meals for my siblings , by 15 I lived with my boyfriend who expected a full housemaid and cook service. At 17 I was a single working mum cooking for child and myself every night , that was 20 years ago . Youngest is 4. I’m a brilliant cook I can make so many things and I even used to grow most of the food and herbs myself. It was a true passion and I loved feeding people. I’m sick to death of it. I’m done now.to be fair I find a lot of the stuff I used to find rewarding as uninteresting now. I loved gardening and growing stuff, I just pay a chap to keep it tidy now and haven’t even sat out there this year. But I’d literally rather not eat than bother to go and prepare food now and clear up after.
Does anyone else exist entirely on the offerings of Uber eats and a stack of menus on top of the fridge? Will we all be riddled with diabetes and heart problems because of it?
Ds is already chunky but he decided he hated the activity club I’d prebooked for the summer after 2 sessions ( wasting over a thousand quid!) didn’t go and has therefore done largely nothing all summer) he’s really healthy otherwise. It’s not ideal though is it?

If you can afford 1k for holiday club and your dh has stopped working because he can afford too, why don't you see if you can hire someone for an hour or two a few days (or every day) to cook and clean up?

I haven't read all the comments, and no doubt someone else will say something like this, but the bit that really stands out for me is 'I am ill and I am tired.'

It sounds to me like you've been looking after everyone else, and noone is looking after you. 'They pay for it', but you're not their maid.

Just a thought, but why don't you find a nice hotel and book yourself in there for a few days. Let someone else cook and clean for you. Go for a walk, read a book, just do some stuff on your own for a bit.

And then see how you feel. If you feel better, then that's the problem. You're tired, depressed and need some looking after.

Is there any way you can get someone to do that for you? Take care of yourself.

@Confrontayshunme

I generally hate the armchair diagnoses on her with a passion but this sounds exactly how depression feels for me. Cooking and household things are the first thing to go, then I lose all desire and ability to do anything. It feels like I am wading through cement. Maybe see your GP and discuss how you feel.

Sorry to derail OP's thread - but lightbulb moment! I've gradually lost interest in shopping/cooking/housework/looking nice over the last few weeks. I've spent most of today crying for little reason.

Now realising I'm a bit depressed. Thank you

@FredtheCatsMum

I haven't read all the comments, and no doubt someone else will say something like this, but the bit that really stands out for me is 'I am ill and I am tired.'

It sounds to me like you've been looking after everyone else, and noone is looking after you. 'They pay for it', but you're not their maid.

Just a thought, but why don't you find a nice hotel and book yourself in there for a few days. Let someone else cook and clean for you. Go for a walk, read a book, just do some stuff on your own for a bit.

And then see how you feel. If you feel better, then that's the problem. You're tired, depressed and need some looking after.

Is there any way you can get someone to do that for you? Take care of yourself.

Agree with this. Could you also be menopausal? I am, and feel intensely tired quite often. That's DH's turn to cook something. He is not a great cook but he can put something on the table.

@SausageRollFan
This makes so much sense. I can’t stand people being in my house though. If we have to have workmen I’m ill the days before they come, we haven’t had social visitors here for a year at least and that was my sister, she’s lovely but the sense of relief when she left was immense . HV / midwife was lied to and told everything was perfect just to make sure she didn’t bother us again. My homes lovely no idea why I can’t stand people outside the household being here . Gardeners usually hidden from so he doesn’t ask to come in. I’m really hard work with these phobias.

When I’ve had a rough time with depression, I get paper plates etc and healthy snacky dinner stuff and give the dc these for meals, just stuff life crackers, hummus, cooked chicken, fruit, yoghurts etc. And little ready meals with a microwaved steam bag of veg- virtually nil washing up. I know paper plates aren’t the best environment wise but needs must…
I hate cooking and order far too many takeaways but

You do sound depressed, OP, but filling yourself with crap food will be contributing to that, not helping it. Also, one weekly activity session is going to make little to no difference to your child's chunkiness, but a better diet certainly will.

Like a pp said, it's not a choice of either takeaways or everything cooked from scratch with home-grown herbs! Low-effort home meals using bought sauces and pre-chopped stuff are still going to be better than takeaways.

I’m not going to comment on the medical side of things, but I have a few suggestions that might help ease the anxiety about DS’ diet and health.
Will he be starting school soon? Could he have a hot school lunch to offset the need for takeaway food ( for him at least) in the evening, I’m sure DH could muster up scrambled eggs on toast/omelette/baked potato for him at dinner time.
I agree with others stop doing a huge food shop, it’s not helping your anxiety and guilt.
Is there any option of employing someone to come and support you, either with batch cooking or more general household support.

I think you are being very hard on yourself and want you to know for what my words as a stranger on the internet are worth you are doing better than you think.

[quote Sodtbisforsold]@SausageRollFan
This makes so much sense. I can’t stand people being in my house though. If we have to have workmen I’m ill the days before they come, we haven’t had social visitors here for a year at least and that was my sister, she’s lovely but the sense of relief when she left was immense . HV / midwife was lied to and told everything was perfect just to make sure she didn’t bother us again. My homes lovely no idea why I can’t stand people outside the household being here . Gardeners usually hidden from so he doesn’t ask to come in. I’m really hard work with these phobias.[/quote]
Ahh I see. Perhaps they could cook and drop off and you can reheat? Use disposable packaging until you get a dishwasher etc sorted in your new house?

Im the same. Spend a fortune on food that we all like but then end up ordering takeaways for myself and OH once kids are in bed as meal times here are rather stressful.

Do you have any dietary requirements? Maybe we could suggest some meals that don’t require much cooking or prep?

E.g. falafels + hummus + bag of salad + cherry toms + wholewheat pittas
Pasta + pesto + med veg (buy ready chopped and bung in oven)
Ready made soup and nice bread from the bakery

Etc. Might be more manageable?

It's not good to neglect yourself but you have a duty of care for your child. You cannot allow him to become overweight just because you can't be bothered. Write down a basic meal plan, only buy what you need. Replace the junk with fruits, carrots/celery and youghurts. I only make basic veggie meals, but make them all from scratch and add as much veg to them. E.g pasta, cauliflower cheese grills and noodles, jacket spuds etc. Saturday is pizza day, the kids help me make the dough and make their own. Sunday is a roast and pudding day. Make things easy for yourself. But please stop the takeaways for your child's sake.

@SausageRollFan
DS is a good eater . Loves his fresh fruit and gets through alot of it.
Not keen on ‘wet’ dishes like stews and curries. Likes baked potatoes , loves seafood and will eat simple salads.
Likes picky dishes with say grilled meat or fish and then naan or pita and chopped veg. Loves prawn noodles .
Will also happily eat utter shit like burgers or pizza if allowed.
DH likes utter shit. Pizza and burgers etc
I like Asian dishes -spicy as you like. Thai and South Indian seafood being my absolute faves Can’t enjoy them now though as I’ve got stomach problems. I’ve developed a sort of sad apathy with food as I find many things bland and eating anything will cause me discomfort. I often barely touch the stuff that’s ordered and pick at seafood sticks and crisps and yoghurt.
I still fell compelled to have an official ‘dinner time’ and might start to cook and then have a sort of mini breakdown when the task seems too much for me, lots of crying in the kitchen and half cooked meals being thrown at the bin. It’s very dramatic and embarrassing. Hence just letting him order takeaway.
It’s not yet 8pm now and I literally just want to be in bed. I’ve done almost nothing today.
He keeps offering to take me places and I can’t bring myself to go. Clothes , haircut anything. I’d have given my right arm to be able to afford a shopping trip or professional haircut in my 20 s . Now I’m a couple years off 40 and can’t be arsed to even look.
We’ve not bothered with food this evening. Ds has had a tin of Mac cheese and about half a watermelon .

How much disposable income do you have? Can you pay to see a naturopath? It sounds like there is a lot going on in your life and your body. I would start with magnesium which might start to get things working in your body. I would also see if there is something like a home delivery of bone broth or vegetable broth that would get your essential nutrients in without affecting your gut. Reach out, find help and hold on.

Jeez OP, I could have written this. So many similarities.

Sorry, sympathy alone isn't very helpful I know, but I really really get this. I'm not as acutely low as yourself, but so absolutely also have the horror of cooking/feeding/eating/functioning atm.
Definitely stop with the weekly shop. Take it a day at a time if you can. A few stand ins for DS in the fridge, yogs, hummus, cheese or cooked chicken, veg sticks. After that stop worrying yourself over it. DH should take the strain fr a bit.

You sound fed up. I get it! If you really aren't up for it, can you just get premade stuff from your food shop? (Ie lasagna, fish pie, etc) and just chuck it in the oven. Still probably cheaper than loads of take aways.

@ChateauMargaux
I don’t know what that is but I will Google it. Perhaps there’s something in that. I honestly believe that the pain relief that I was using in extreme amounts in order to cope with DS as a baby has done something to me. Seemed to seasaw emotionally and then keep throwing different things into the pot to try and counteract each side effect. At one point 8 different medicines a day up to 4 times. Gradually loosing appetite, memory problems, clumsy and wall to wall tiredness. All this gets blamed on the back problem and other chronic conditions. Therefore just gets more pills chucked at the symptoms. I’m knackered and I’ve sort of given up a bit. I get a brief remission of some of it if I’m on a break, you know sat on a beach watching him play in the sun or floating about in warm water . Spending time outdoors and just picking at a fish supper each night . It’s back soon after returning home . Hard to see where the anatomical and psychological elements start and stop. Been a shit couple of weeks , worse than usual . Wish I had the answers. Thanks for your suggestion though I’ll do a little research .

I am not a fan of cooking so do fairly easy things. Jacket potatoes with salad, salmon, new pots or mash with salad, frittata, or just egg on toast, beans on toast. Tuna and pasta with pesto. Tomato pasta and salad. Veggie burgers from the freezer. All under half an hour if that.

At weekends we have a Waitrose curry. If kids come round to play I do shop pizza with carrots and hummus and on a Sunday I sometimes cook something that requires more time/thought (but never a roast) but equally we often just go out.

So I think maybe there's a middle ground here but I sympathise with not enjoying cooking. Cook stuff is good! As is Charlie Bingham stuff or just ready meals with bagged salad/cucumber, carrots etc.

How long have you been like this?

Sorry to ask but why did you start taking so many pain relief?

Do you know what, it only lasted a few days but I felt this way too. What’s worse is when I stepped back from doing it, it wasn’t getting done so I just started again. It’s so crap when what you enjoyed doing becomes a chore. It’s definitely burn out and you need a break. Are there any healthy take outs you can get temporarily rather than the traditional unhealthy ones?

I never cook. I hate it and cant be bothered anymore. I live entirely on Huel.

Are meals from Cook any less healthy than what you’d prepare fresh at home? I’m tempted to buy some for my family (including a toddler) as they look great, and I’m really struggling with cooking from scratch so often and lack of time. I’m just worried about salt content, preservatives etc for the toddler in particular.

@Grullghj

Sorry to ask but why did you start taking so many pain relief?

Serious back injury. Emergency c section . Massively botched birth and a epidural that was misplaced and should never been used in the first place. Midwives and doctors were vile to me and bullying and lying to cover their mistakes. Had my shirt ripped open infront of a ward full of people as they were trying to force me to feed DS and all sorts. Was so unwell but had to get out of there so discharged myself after 18 hrs. With 3 collapsed discs and all the damaged they’d done it was the only way I could manage. Ds actually thrived. Big , greedy baby who knocked bottles back and slept well. I’ve still got scar tissue and bits in the wrong place and seriously messed up back. Private surgery should help a lot. I’m building myself towards it. Getting the belly repaired can bring a muscular support to the back and help all these issues. It’s a big op though. Need to be well and have a plan in place for home etc