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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you ask him to get a PCR?

61 replies

Sparklfairy · 31/08/2021 15:31

Awkward one and I'm not sure what to do. I've been on a few dates with a man, and we had loosely suggested going to a restaurant on Thursday.

Over the weekend he came down with 'a cold'. Headache, stuffed up nose, sore throat etc. He was very quick to say 'it's not Covid' as he had taken a number of LFTs which he has to do for work anyway.

Keeping the conversation light, I suggested that Delta can present differently and also LFTs are possibly more unreliable when you have 'symptoms'. When I say 'light', I mean it's really none of my business so wasn't going on or anything, it was just chat.

He made noises that he 'might' get a PCR then. He has a family get together tomorrow and afaik he's going and hasn't taken one yet.

If he does want to go ahead on Thursday, it's not my place to ask him to get a PCR first. But I feel awkward cancelling too. Whilst it might not be Covid, I am a terrible ill person, live alone and am self employed so will easily be drawn to netflix if I get so much as a headache Grin but obviously would impact my income and practicalities involving isolation.

I'm a little surprised, as he seems generally sensible, but obviously I don't know him at all, and if he goes to the family party without a test I think that's a little irresponsible. I'm not Covid anxious, I just think if it were me, it's a small thing to take the precaution of a test so at least you know either way.

So in anticipation of us discussing dinner on Thursday, what would you say, or not say?

OP posts:
TillyTopper · 31/08/2021 15:37

When you discuss Thursday just ask "Did you have a negative PCR?" and when he says no he hasn't just "Oh shame, well let me know when you're better and perhaps we can rearrange".

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/08/2021 15:37

I’d just say “let’s postpone until you’re fully better”.

If he doesn’t respect that and pushes, he’s not a keeper

girlmom21 · 31/08/2021 15:45

I'd ask him if he's had a PCR and if not just reschedule the date.

TheWoleb · 31/08/2021 15:48

He has symptoms. He needs a PCR.
Just say "did you get a negative result back" and if he says no/he didnt get a test then just reschedule dinner for another week later.

IndigoHexagon · 31/08/2021 15:50

YANBU - I currently have covid and I’m sat here feeling sorry for myself feeling exactly as you’ve described - I have all the symptoms of a light cold and a headache. It was picked up by after day8 covid test due to close contact, before any symptoms had presented

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 31/08/2021 16:19

Sorry you're feeling rough @IndigoHexagon Flowers

I've just danced around the subject and he's said he's 'taken a test and will take another before he goes' tomorrow so he's talking about LFTs, and almost definitely won't be taking a PCR based on what he's said, he would have mentioned it directly.

I feel a bit stupid saying "did you get a negative PCR?" if he mentions Thursday as it's very obvious he hasn't taken one Hmm

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/08/2021 16:45

I’d delay but would be rethinking future meet ups with someone who has symptoms but won’t pcr test and then goes into public.

MrsDThomas · 31/08/2021 16:49

No.

The “cold” season is on the way. People get a cold, so are we gonna demand a test every time someone sniffles?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/08/2021 16:52

If he has multiple negative lateral flow tests then he is likely negative. They arent that accurate but the chances of a number of them being wrong consecutively is very low.

Saying that, I think if you are self employed and tend to suffer more than the average person when you're ill, that's enough of reason to suggest postponing or just going out for a walk instead of somewhere indoors

FelicityBob · 31/08/2021 16:52

I wouldn’t cancel a date because of that. He doesn’t have to get a test based on those symptoms. But if you don’t want to meet him when he’s got a cold that’s fair enough

TheCarrs · 31/08/2021 17:00

@MrsDThomas

No.

The “cold” season is on the way. People get a cold, so are we gonna demand a test every time someone sniffles?

I agree with this, people are getting colds.

TangledUp789 · 31/08/2021 17:03

Based on what you’ve said he wouldn’t be eligible for a PCR test anyway, as he doesn’t have any of the three main symptoms.

But if you don’t want to catch his cold, then it’s fair enough to postpone the date until he’s feeling better.

StatisticallyChallenged · 31/08/2021 17:17

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

If he has multiple negative lateral flow tests then he is likely negative. They arent that accurate but the chances of a number of them being wrong consecutively is very low.

Saying that, I think if you are self employed and tend to suffer more than the average person when you're ill, that's enough of reason to suggest postponing or just going out for a walk instead of somewhere indoors

Unfortunately I now know several people who have tested negative repeatedly, yet had positive PCRs. It seems more like some individuals maybe have lower viral loads or similar so they just don't trigger the LFT as easily. So the multiple tests aren't independent.

This includes two people who got negative LFTs after positive PCR results, not just before.

We're asking any staff with remotely delta like symptoms (long list, not the NHS big 3) to be PCR tested.

Rocktheboat87 · 31/08/2021 17:24

I agree with Tilly Topper. A lateral flow is not conclusive. They have a very 50:50 detection rate and it's possible you could be the one that gets 3 negatives when they might not be.

There was a case of someone who took 4 laterals, only to get a positive match when they did the PCR. You'd think if he was a good person he would say oh just incase it is perhaps we shouldn't meet. Particularly given he is not a medical worker and couldn't possibly know by guessing if he has it or not.

Seems careless to me.

LividLaVidaLoca · 31/08/2021 17:24

Most people are doing what he’s doing.

Most people don’t know LFTs are shit.

Most people don’t know the Delta symptoms are different.

Doesn’t make it okay but he’s technically following the shitshow rules.

MrsWooster · 31/08/2021 17:36

@MrsDThomas

No.

The “cold” season is on the way. People get a cold, so are we gonna demand a test every time someone sniffles?

I got an absolutely classic cold last week. No chance it was covid.. until I realised I couldn’t Anaëlle the il as oil very strongly and my LFT came back positive within two minutes. Oct confirmed and I am isolating hoo fucking rah The impression that’s floating around, that this thing is over and it’s time to chill is very, very wide of the mark.
MrsWooster · 31/08/2021 17:37

Well that’s bollocks. “Couldn’t smell the olbas oil” and PCR confirmed.

Lucyccfc68 · 31/08/2021 18:31

I have had very similar symptoms - did 3 LFT and they were all negative. Lost my sense of smell, so did a PCR and it’s positive.

I did a LFT 3 days after the PCR and it still showed negative.

My sons LFT was positive before his PCR and also positive 2 days after.

Very temperamental the LFT and not to be 100% trusted.

itsgrand · 31/08/2021 18:47

according to the present testing guidelines he woudn't be considered to have the symptoms listed to do a pcr test.

Original poster
Sparklfairy · 31/08/2021 18:56

He's now let slip he is 'feverish' Hmm so presumably would be able to get one (is that one of the 'big three'?). I'm annoyed and disappointed tbh, not for our date but that he's going to mix with his family without testing, it kind of speaks of his character.

He's also just said he went out this afternoon on an errand and then drove a friend to the next town.

Covid or not, I'm not impressed that he could be spreading it to those around him but doesn't know because he just hasn't bothered getting a PCR.

OP posts:
MargaretMorris · 31/08/2021 19:01

@Sparklfairy I agree with you, it doesn't speak well of his character. I'd be seeing this as a red flag and most likely moving on.

He is an adult and you shouldn't have to harass him to get one either.

ilovesooty · 31/08/2021 19:03

Given your update I'd not be considering another date with him.

kowari · 31/08/2021 19:12

He doesn't have any of the three main symptoms to he eligible unless he has an actual fever, feeling feverish is not the same thing.

Lucyccfc68 · 31/08/2021 19:38

@itsgrand

according to the present testing guidelines he woudn't be considered to have the symptoms listed to do a pcr test.
Both my son and I had a headache and stuffed up nose and we were advised to get a PCR test, as these are 2 of the symptoms of the delta variant. (We both had positive PCR tests).
LittlefairyMum · 31/08/2021 20:12

Very irresponsible and questionable morals. I'd lose interest in this one I think.