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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Commute time

127 replies

Rhinothunder · 30/08/2021 20:40

Just wondering what the longest door to door commute time people think is bearable 5 days per week? Looking to move but would require a bug commute for my husband and not sure what is reasonable. Thanks

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 30/08/2021 23:17

@Rhinothunder

It's tricky as would be a significant trade up inlifestyle apart from this factor. Particularly for me and kids. But equally don't want to make him unwell! Had anyone actually done it? Was / is it worth it?
I've never not done it. I'm just used to it. A lot of the time I'm grateful to have a big wind down on the way home. Sit scrolling my phone, reading or watching TV on the train home. Can do some life admin including ordering things, arranging shopping etc
Planty13 · 30/08/2021 23:17

Depends where we in the country you are I think.

I have a 15 minute commute, I’d double it but begrudge more

Megan2018 · 30/08/2021 23:22

I have a 40 min round trip to a supermarket so I think that alters my perception of distance. Living rurally means there’s always a commute, but whilst I’ll work on one I wouldn’t entertain city living ever again (I lived in London as a student/first jobs).

If you don’t travel a distance for everyday things I guess 1.5hrs seems a lot.

DdraigGoch · 30/08/2021 23:24

We have a passenger who commutes two hours each way daily. Sod that though, that's four hours on trains (direct at least) plus eight or so hours in work. I wouldn't want to keep that up for any length of time. I'd only ever do it as a short term measure.

CovidCorvid · 30/08/2021 23:27

@Rhinothunder

It would be 13 mins to station, 1h 09min on train then 9mins on tube. So just under 1.5h. At present it will only be 3d a week but want to factor in chance that may increase to 5days if things go back to pre covid times. Retiring in 8 to 10 years.
I used to do nearly exactly the same commute. It nearly killed me. I left after nine months. It’s always longer than on paper, you leave a bit earlier to make sure you get parked, the trains are late….etc. Maybe depends how frequent the trains are…..I only had them hourly. Would be better if more frequent.
ethelredonagoodday · 30/08/2021 23:30

I did a 50 minute commute pre-covid. It was doable but draining over time. Can't say I miss it one bit!

Fifthtimelucky · 30/08/2021 23:39

I had a similar length commute but the beginning and end were on foot so there was only one train involved.

The main problem was that although in theory the journey was 1.5 hours each way, in practice it was often more. The trains were very unreliable because of leaves on the line, fallen trees on the line, the wrong sort of snow, overrunning engineering works, signalling problems, railway bridges needing to be checked after being hit by vehicles, shortage of drivers, people on the track etc

I worked at home one day a week which helped, but the commute, combined with the length of the working day, was one of the reasons I retired early. The last few years of my working life I left the house before 7am and rarely returned before 8pm. I was permanently exhausted.

SparklyLeprechaun · 30/08/2021 23:42

I've done pretty much this exact commute for about 3 years. It was more of an 1h45 min commute by the time you factored in waiting for the train, getting into the tube station and out at the other end etc.

Going into London was mostly fine as I was taking a 6am train and I could get a seat. On the days when the trains ran fine it was OK-ish, I'd read or have a quick nap. Still tiring, but not too bad. Coming back it was mostly horrible, packed tube and trains, I'd get home at 7:30pm a mass of nerves.

On the days there were delays on the line (often), I could easily spend 5h a day commuting. On one memorable and very expensive occasion I had to come home by taxi.

I wouldn't do it again.

BoredZelda · 30/08/2021 23:58

It would be 13 mins to station, 1h 09min on train then 9mins on tube. So just under 1.5h. At present it will only be 3d a week but want to factor in chance that may increase to 5days if things go back to pre covid times

Factor in waiting times for the train and tube, it will be well over 1.5 hours. I couldn’t do it.

icedcoffees · 31/08/2021 05:23

@Rhinothunder

It would be 13 mins to station, 1h 09min on train then 9mins on tube. So just under 1.5h. At present it will only be 3d a week but want to factor in chance that may increase to 5days if things go back to pre covid times. Retiring in 8 to 10 years.
I think you need to be a bit more realistic here - because it will rarely be that straightforward.

Trains are delayed, the tube could be heaving so he'll need to wait, plus you need to factor in "transfer times":

  • getting from the house to the car and sorting that out (especially in winter if it needs warming up - and if you live rurally the roads won't be great at 5am).
  • the walk from the car park to the platform
  • again in London, the transfer from the platform to the tube
  • then the tube to his desk

I know it sounds like nothing written down but it all adds up. If each of those takes him five minutes, you're already adding at least twenty minutes on to what you've predicted for his commute.

araiwa · 31/08/2021 07:05

If he's in five days a week that's 20 hours of commuting a week. Fuck that

Pottedpalm · 31/08/2021 07:24

I don’t think it matters what other people think is reasonable, it’s up to your DH.
My DH commuted long hours for decades, sometimes 2 hours each way by car. He enjoys driving and would listen to music, though in the latter years there was an expectation that he was contactable by phone.
Other years he commuted by train to London; 15 min to station, 1:15 on train, taxi the other end.
There was usually one day a week he didn’t commute but otherwise wise usually left by 6;30 am and after work dinners out might not be back until 10pm, though 9 was more usual.
He loved his work and we coped by expecting him to do nothing in the house during the week. Then weekend was family time and he would help with any ferrying of DTs. I worked part time and did all housework, shopping etc. It worked for us and DH doesn’t regret his work regime, which allowed is to have a good lifestyle, great holidays, private school etc.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 31/08/2021 07:25

That's a pretty horrific commute. I did an hour and 20 mins each way for a year or so in my 20s and hated it, life is basically work eat sleep during the week, I only felt like I had a life two days a week. And even then I was tired! But plenty of people do it. Personally I'd go for a smaller closer house.

Pottedpalm · 31/08/2021 07:32

Also, I think that having say, to be back to collect a child from nursery/childcare adds hugely to the pressure. If you are manning the fort at home and DH can be free from time constraints it is easier. Contentious on here, but it worked for us. I never took the view that DH should be doing ‘half’; if anything I felt I was getting an easy life.

RidingMyBike · 31/08/2021 07:40

Several of my colleagues were commuting four hours a day before lockdown (so two hours each way - that includes a 20 min walk from tube and getting to tube from where they lived). They'd done it for years so it seemed to work for them.

I did a 3 hour a day commute for a while but found it very tiring - I don't think it would have been very compatible with having a family either

Bunnycat101 · 31/08/2021 07:44

I think you have to add 15-20 mins each way. The morning leg will be fine at that time. It’ll be the return that will be the killer. Green park and Waterloo will be rammed at 5. At Waterloo you need to be there 15 mins before the train leaves for any chance of a seat. He should try and do a practice run before deciding.

Original poster
Rhinothunder · 31/08/2021 07:48

Thank you everyone. Super helpful . there wpuld be zero expectations on him to do anything at all on the house/ for kids so for the purposes of the question that's not a pressure to factor in. As I said should be only 2 or 3 days a week, just thinking of how 5 would work in case required in years to come.

OP posts:
PattyPan · 31/08/2021 07:55

My commute is an hour and a half each way (train to London and crossing London) and I would not do more than that. I also don’t have children so probably wouldn’t want to commute so far if I did.

chiatta · 31/08/2021 07:55

I hr 20 min, each way, I don’t mind it

billyt · 31/08/2021 07:56

When I was made redundant in 2013 (I was based from home but covered Europe ) a job I found the day I finished was in Islington. I live on the South coast. it involved a 30 min walk, 90 min train journey and the Northern line to Angel (that as an eye opener). I did it daily initially for seven months. It was pretty horrendous but the pay was very, very good. Once they were pretty happy with what I was doing we had a review and agreed to two days a week in London and three days from home unless work required differently. I stayed over four years but got job hunted in 2017 by another London based company where I turned down their initial job offer as it wanted five days a week in London. Again I agreed to two days/three days. And they are a 25 min walk from Waterloo so no more tube when I do go in to the office. I am no longer in a pickle if the tubes are busy/cancelled etc. only issue is if there is a problem on the trains. Due to my rule I can't work on the train due to potential 'shoulder surfers' so use that time to read/sleep etc.

Sorry, lot of waffle but basically saying I went from no commute to a very early start/late finish but it was for the money. We now have no mortgage, great savings and a happy life. It was like an investment.

billyt · 31/08/2021 07:56

role not rule!

Original poster
Rhinothunder · 31/08/2021 08:02

This is so interesting to hear what people do and thr impacts. Thank you everyonr

OP posts:
Jangle33 · 31/08/2021 08:03

It will be longer in reality but a lot of people do longer and he’s clearly getting a good wage.

I more feel sorry that it’s just the mum doing all childcare /logistics… yet again. Many women do that commute plus childcare etc…

RidingMyBike · 31/08/2021 08:09

Also so much depends on whether he'll get a seat and be able to do something for a decent length of time - the good thing about my 3 hrs a day commute was I got 15,000 steps in day and 1.5 books read a week whilst commuting. Now I have a car commute I do

Original poster
Rhinothunder · 31/08/2021 08:13

1st stop on line so should definitely get a seat in morning, not sure about way home but he'd be on a 5ish train so hopefully

OP posts: