Page 3 | Commute time

OnlyFantastic · 30/08/2021 21:56

he is only going to be doing it for max another 10 years (probably less)

Oh lord...only?!?

Ten years is the majority of your dc's childhood. A whole huge stage of your life.

If your mind is already framing this in this way...almost like something you just have to 'get through'...that's not great tbh.

Life is for living, not sitting on a train for 3 hours a day just to overpay the mortgage.

ViaRia · 30/08/2021 21:57

Length of time per day is one thing but I think it is not that straight forward. For me, I’d consider how many ‘legs’ the journey would require and how easy that would be.
When I was younger I took bus, train, tube, then walk to work. I moved house and was able to walk to the train station which made things so much easier. Later on, I moved jobs and was able to cut out the tube as well. For me, although the journey time has always been about the same, the commute is so much more bearable when it is just a walk to the train station, then one direct train into town. It almost doesn’t matter how long that train journey takes… it could be 30 minutes or 90 minutes and the impact on my routine/ stress levels/ enjoyment/ boredom, will be roughly the same.

Original poster

Rhinothunder · 30/08/2021 22:07

We want to move somewhere more remote so he won't ever be able to walk to the station.

For his current office Victoria is closer by distance but actually not more convenient than Waterloo (would still need to get on tube). So Not many other ways to reduce the number of "legs", except not to move!

Yes I fully appreciate life is for the living etc.

I know it isa lot to ask for 8 years, but equally we want to move so that the children have a different childhood and not grow up in a city. So if we wait for him to not need to commute the eldest will be uni age! Which also defeats the point of moving.

He says it is fine - it's me worrying on his behalf that's motivated this thread!

Basically I'm super interested to hear people's views and especially views from those who have done something similar and if it was OK or not

So far its been really helpful although I reamin completely confused!

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LuubyLuu · 30/08/2021 22:20

I commuted a similar length or longer for many years, and the three components of your proposed commute are completely normal for a big swathe of the SE.

To be honest you just get used to it - everyone has their own way of managing it, for example I used to sleep in the morning and read/listen to music/catch up on work reading in the afternoon.

Big factor is that your husband has home support and it sounds like your children are a bit older. If you're coming home after a long day and long commute but then having to think about starting dinner, or rushing back for toddlers bath time then it's hard work and not great for family dynamics (although again this is the norm for many).

Post children I negotiated a four day week or five day week with one working from home which was great. I always took it in the middle of the week which broke up the commuting days nicely. A bit harder if you're on a trading floor, but the shift towards working from home is only likely to increase.

Interestingly I moved somewhere where I now have a 30 minute door to desk commute and I miss the chunk of time I used to spend reading, and the chance I had to decompress before walking through the door at home!

Shelddd · 30/08/2021 22:23

I could do that commute 3 days a week but its realistically more like 1 hour 45 mins to 2 hours each way.

There is probably no chance to do any work on the train, he probably wont even be able to sit.

Doing it 5 days a week for 8-10 years is unreasonable though imo. Lots of people do it out of necessity but I can't imagine choosing it.

SurferRona · 30/08/2021 22:24

This is fine. I’ve been doing effectively that trip twice a day into city for 8 years. It’s fine. As do 100s of others, and longer than that. You need to have a good mental attitude to the commute I think, use the time for something (work in, tv or reading real books or my vol work on way home for me) and a decompress - otherwise it can feel burdensome. Means I don’t bring work home with me. Early start means he’ll get a station parking place I assume? I agree that travel once you’re off the return main leg is the killer, I am walking distance but if I had another 20 min drive etc I would find it more wearying.

BrocolliFloret · 30/08/2021 22:24

So he would be leaving home at 5.40am and getting in at 7pm. Sounds a bit miserable, but if he is a morning person then I guess it could be ok 3 days a week.

maddening · 30/08/2021 22:27

45 mins each way was tedious but doable - that was driving.

I now have a 20 min commute when not in wfh due to covid, when we return that will be 2 times a week.

I live and work in Cheshire.

maddening · 30/08/2021 22:30

Someone who works in our London Office gets a commuter coach from Tonbridge Wells to Canary Wharf direct. He says it is an hour and he just sleeps all the way in, if I was in London I would be keen for something like that.

Svalberg · 30/08/2021 22:34

That sort of a commute I found fine in my 20s & 30s. Not so in my 50s

Einsteinsings · 30/08/2021 22:36

Commute is similar (slightly longer) here. It’s doable but tiring. There is no time factored in the journey for parking, walking between tube/ train etc so would be longer than you expect. If it goes wrong it’s really painful though and even a 10 minute delay seems a lot when you already have a long journey .

I quite enjoy the morning journey but find the travel home when I’m tired hard work. Don’t regret the move though- it has definitely been worth the commute

Ozanj · 30/08/2021 22:36

@Rhinothunder

Just wondering what the longest door to door commute time people think is bearable 5 days per week? Looking to move but would require a bug commute for my husband and not sure what is reasonable. Thanks

Really depends. If it’s a one train and done kind of thing then 2-3 hours each way could be more doable than a many change 1 hr each way.

Hankunamatata · 30/08/2021 22:37

I hate commuting. Train wouldn't be as bad but 30mins would be my limit

Original poster

Rhinothunder · 30/08/2021 22:41

Thanks everyone. Yes indeed- The bulk of it would be train. Beginning of line to end of the line. Hadn't thought about the option of sleeping on the journey!

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Original poster

Rhinothunder · 30/08/2021 22:43

He's in a position now where 95% of the time if the trains were messed up he could just wfh an extra day so I'm not too bothered about that aspect. If was messed up on return leg he'd stay overnight in London

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Southwestrunningmum · 30/08/2021 22:45

Just dreadful. I wouldn’t do it

Cam2020 · 30/08/2021 22:50

Ease of commute and reliability of the service is a factor for me. My one hour and 15 minute commute is a lot more pleasant and reliable than my previous 35-40 minute one.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/08/2021 22:51

I've done 2 hours each way for four years, it absolutely exhausted me

newnameanon1 · 30/08/2021 22:56

Mm yes maybe an hour and a half?

Jangle33 · 30/08/2021 23:03

Not a lot fir London but why is it your DH doing it for the good of the family, not you?

Nitw1t · 30/08/2021 23:08

I've done a very similar commute. 3dpw for 4 years. 5.45 am train in. Out of the office on the dot of 4pm

Train was 1h10, tube 12 min, I live a 4/5 min walk from the station. Door to door it was 1h40 in, 1h 50 home (the extra 10 mins were to get a seat and make sure I didn't miss the train).

Living very close to the station (so no "last leg" to speak of) was massive plus. A drive, even a short one, would have stressed me out I think!

I have to love my job and love where I live. And be relentlessly positive (with myself) about the advantages that the long commute bought me/us (salary! Space! Job satisfaction! DH & DCs loving out home!) as it does grate sometimes. ESPECIALLY in the winter. November and Feb are HARD

The big price was any sort of social life, I couldn't make spontaneous plans or risk a late night on a weekday.

10-12 hours commuting a week is a lot of either "me time" or "family time" that gets eaten up. He needs to be ready for saying no to some things.

Its definitely doable. Especially if he's up for it. But do be realistic about the door to door.

Also - I'd rather walk Victoria to Green Park than get the tube! It's quicker and a lovely walk! If you can make Victoria your terminal, it's a huge difference.

Original poster

Rhinothunder · 30/08/2021 23:13

@Jangle33

Not a lot fir London but why is it your DH doing it for the good of the family, not you?

My job is more mobile so can work more locally (and much less well paid!!)

I do all the childcare and household duties so he doesn't get at all involved in any of that - this is to balance the increased stress and hours his job entails (I only work 3d per wèek). He does fun stuff with the kids, no logistics.

We couldn't both do his hours and function as a family.

We haven't moved . This thread is to question whether the increased burden on him with the commute is worth it for the family. If I could do is job I would!

I acknowledge in his shoes I wouldn't be able to do the commute, he says he defiantly and it will be worth it.

I'm worried on his account it will be worse than he thinks and this is lockdown talking- hence seeking advice

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IceLace100 · 30/08/2021 23:13

I might be alone in this, but I'd rather live in a smaller/scruffier place in a worse area for a short commute. They really are soul destroying for me. Moved a couple of years ago and now have a 25 min walk to work. SUCH a difference in my mental state. (Realise this is extremely privileged position to be in and am grateful every day.)

Megan2018 · 30/08/2021 23:13

I think it’s ok, not brilliant but perfectly doable especially if he’s a morning person anyway.
I did 1.5hrs door to door for a while, I found it hard as I had a horse to look after before and after work so it was that which killed me more than the commute.
But without the horse issue I’d do it again if necessary. My commute now is about 50 mins door to door (1hr on a bad day) and that feels easy.

moynomore · 30/08/2021 23:15

I'm an hour and twenty door to door and it was utterly horrible. I had no life during the week. Not working from home indefinitely.