What is the most important aspects of a healthly marriage

[Lockeddownagain]

So what do you think is the most important things in a marriage
I'm not a journalist I'm just interested

Friendship, loyalty, tolerance, respect, adaptability, resilience, realism, love. In no particular order.

Shared sense of humour. Similar approaches to money and childrearing. Plus all the things Stone lists.

ee cummings (I think it was) summed it up thus...

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in your loving cup
Whenever you are wrong, admit it
Whenever you are right, shut up.

The above, plus laughing every day, good communication and respecting each other has kept us going for almost 30 years so far....

Affection
Plus what pps have said.

@Panicmode1

ee cummings (I think it was) summed it up thus...

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in your loving cup
Whenever you are wrong, admit it
Whenever you are right, shut up.

The above, plus laughing every day, good communication and respecting each other has kept us going for almost 30 years so far....

I came on to write this. Its served us well too!

Being with someone who makes you laugh til your sides ache.

Kindness

Sexual chemistry

Genuine respect - your partner must view you as a whole person whose needs, wants and desires are just as valid and important as their own. So many of the issues I see on mumsnet stem from the fact that the poster’s partner is incapable of seeing the poster as someone who is just as important as them, rather than someone who exists to make their life easier and facilitate their needs.

So much else is important too - loyalty, kindness, shared interests, attraction, the ability to communicate without resorting to unkindness etc. But I really believe respect is the foundation.

Sex.
Yes, there are people in marriages that don’t have sex (like me and DH) but we are two people living together, it’s nothing like the marriage we had when we fancied each other and had sex.

Teamwork and respect.
Similar values.
Being silly together

@Panicmode1

ee cummings (I think it was) summed it up thus...

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in your loving cup
Whenever you are wrong, admit it
Whenever you are right, shut up.

The above, plus laughing every day, good communication and respecting each other has kept us going for almost 30 years so far....

This in spades. Communicate well and respect each other. Respect falls away when you start to take people for granted.

Respectful communication

Being open and non judgemental, if possible, and never being nasty, despising and deliberately undermining, pressing triggers.

It’s impossible to avoid being irritated, or hurting your partner sometimes, we’re all human but to me that’s the most important.

And definitely humour, sexual chemistry, similar values, and I love that poem! @Panicmode1

Proper communication. So many couples have, for example, unsatisfactory sex lives but they don't tell their partner this. Discussing things can fix things!

Aligned values
Great communication
Similar sense of humour
Everything else can be worked on.

The single most important thing is respect. Once that’s gone it doesn’t matter how many interests you share or how amazing your sex life is. Contempt is the single biggest killer.

Beyond that, consideration, laughter, kindness, shared values and interests, intimacy and chemistry, honesty, good communication are all incredibly important.

Comfort, trust, and tolerance.

@Panicmode1

ee cummings (I think it was) summed it up thus...

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in your loving cup
Whenever you are wrong, admit it
Whenever you are right, shut up.

The above, plus laughing every day, good communication and respecting each other has kept us going for almost 30 years so far....

I love that. I’d add compromise to all the other things pp have said.

Communication
and respect for each other
common values and goals

Trust. 100%. Plus don't live in each others pockets - this might work for some, but I personally enjoy going out to meet friends, have the odd weekend away etc. without my husband and I actively encourage him to do the same. (That's not too say we don't do things together as well!) Remember you're still individuals and not one entity... Too many people lose themselves this way. BTW I've been very happily married for 20 years 😉

Sharing
Respect
Giving each other privacy/space
Genuinely happy for each other’s successes

Trust
Communication

Trust, fun, sexual compatibility, life compatibility (particularly politically and morally), willingness to communicate, healthy view of what long-term relationships entail.

The last two are probably the things I think you need to 'learn' - the others are there or they're not. DH and I have had some incredibly difficult things happen during our relationship - big tragic life stuff. I wasn't prepared for how much that would be a test of us as a couple as well as individually - I assumed the whole 'strong foundation will see you through anything' was enough. Turns out we needed both to communicate and accept that sometimes, one or both of us wasn't going to be our best self generally and therefore not necessarily our best self in the relationship, and that that was part of the ebb and flow of sharing your life with someone. I particularly had the idea that a partner should be fundamental in helping someone 'fix' themselves during hard times, and it took both him not needing or wanting that when he was mentally ill, and me realising he couldn't do that when it was me, to realise it was unrealistic and you have to get your own shit in order first.

It helped during the really hard times to know it was part of the ride, and that I/he would come back to each other when we'd sorted our shit out.

Making each other laugh

Honesty

Communication communication communication and then more communication

I think a willingness to reach towards each other rather than away from each other when things are tricky in the marriage or in general life is useful.

Picking your battles, self awareness, maintaining perspective, and trying to make time for each other.

Respect.
Trust.
Communication.
Shared values.