Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think school mums are a different kettle of fish?

54 replies

frenemynumber9 · 29/08/2021 20:53

I have an 8 year old daughter, I had her at 21 so am a fairly young mum. However, throughout the past 4 years every school mum (except one - who coincidentally was also a young mum) that I have had to communicate with, whether that be small talk in the playground, chatting at birthday parties, arrange plans for play dates or very rarely had a coffee with during a play date has been very, for lack of a better word, weird.

I feel like the conversation is like pulling teeth, they will happily chat about themselves but never ask anything in return. They seem to be very snobbish and judgemental.

I always remember one play date my daughter had in primary 2 - my daughter had been to the girls house to play, so I invited the girl to my house. The girls mum asked if she could have a coffee...no problem. She came in and had two coffees and stayed for 2 hours, all the while making no conversation, it was all on me. Finally she said she was going and when should she pick up her daughter? I said a time about 2 hours later yet she turned up about 45 minutes later and was very off standish and hurrying her daughter out the door as if there was something wrong. Didn't hear from her again, it was very very bizarre. My house is clean and tidy, it's not the biggest but it's certainly nothing I'm ashamed of.

I'm very easy to talk to and have never struggled to make friends or chat with people except the school mums. They're just a group of people that I find very...odd.

I surely can't be the only one?

OP posts:

Original poster

frenemynumber9 · 29/08/2021 20:55

For instance some mums will smile and say hi walking past me one day and completely blank me the next. Or I have a conversation at a birthday party then they pretend they have no idea who I am in the playground.

OP posts:

saraclara · 29/08/2021 21:08

You know you're a school mum, right?

Original poster

frenemynumber9 · 29/08/2021 21:10

@saraclara eh yes I am aware of that

OP posts:

saraclara · 29/08/2021 21:11

@saraclara

You know you're a school mum, right?

I didn't mean that to sound as rude as it did. But the term 'school mum is bandied about so much on MN (and always in an uncomplimentary way) and those posting such stuff are invariably school mums themselves. It's a weird term to use. All these people have lives other than being at the school gates, just like the posters criticising them. They're just all people who take their kids to school and/or pick them up.

MyPatronusIsACat · 29/08/2021 21:12

Aren't virtually ALL mums school mums? Because virtually all children go to school.

Ponoka7 · 29/08/2021 21:13

There seems to be an awful lot of anxiety about these days, which I've heard is an excuse for some strange communication issues.
There is still judgement of younger mum's.

Darthwader · 29/08/2021 21:13

A large proportion of women have children and therefore become school mums. They cannot all be weird. I'm one. You are one. Most of the women on this site are or were or will be.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/08/2021 21:13

I don't think you're alone in feeling like this but from what I can gather it's really one of those things. Just keep it bright and breezy.

Welshiefluff · 29/08/2021 21:15

I am a Robo Mum.

My child attends a robotics centre in space.

Beat that!

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 29/08/2021 21:15

I tend to think that when someone has issues with everyone around them, they themselves are often the issue.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 29/08/2021 21:17

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy

I tend to think that when someone has issues with everyone around them, they themselves are often the issue.

This this this.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 29/08/2021 21:18

I am constantly perplexed by theses posts. 1 mum out the whole of the school, is normal (the OP) and EVERY other mum is strange, odd, weird, standoffish, in a clique, sneery, rude, queen bee etc.

When I picked up/dropped off dd in primary, there would be a bit of small talk, hi, hello, did you have a nice holiday etc.

No drama's, no fall outs, no slagging off other parents or kids.

How do people get so involved in these ins and outs that turn into dramas when you see the people for 20 minutes a day max?

I understand this person invited themselves in and then was erratic at pick up. Do you not think something could have been going on with them that day?

Bedpost · 29/08/2021 21:18

I don’t think it’s the fact that they are school mums that makes it awkward, it’s just the fact that youre having a conversation with people you’ve been thrown together with,with nothing in common apart from the fact that your kids go to the same school. So it’s normal that you may not get on that well or have lots to talk about, especially since they may be a lot older than you.

Itwasquitegood · 29/08/2021 21:20

I can relate to what you are saying and have experienced similar over the years. But I have come to the conclusion that the problem isn't so much that 'school' mums as a collective are weird or any more antisocial than the next person. More that our expectations of parents we meet via our children are often unrealistic. I think before I had children I had limited myself to quite a narrow range of people. Probably people similar to me. Not on purpose. Just almost unconsciously through life study/job choices. I met people who I generally enjoyed the company of and often on the same sort of wave length. I expceted the same when children started school. It wasn't so because it was a completely random set of people. I might as well have walked into Tesco and expected everyone there on any given day to be my friend. This isn't to say that you won't make some nice friends via the school gates. You sound like a nice person and I'm sure you will. It can take time. But I've learnt that it can't be expected.

Hope you find some gooduns

lovelybitofsquirrell · 29/08/2021 21:20

No not all school mums are odd.

Roughy 30 kids in a class = roughly 30 mums.

Some will be nice, some will be horrible, some will be odd, some will be too busy for small talk. All sorts of people in the world.

Some of my very best friends are my school mums. Some of the school mums I just smile at as I walk past.

xksismybestletter · 29/08/2021 21:22

I randomly say hi to all sorts of people some days and then noone the next as I have something else on my mind. I think it is better to be cheery when you can.

If people think I am blanking them then they are the wierdos frankly. If I don't know your name then your expectations are high if you want a hello every day

LawnFever · 29/08/2021 21:23

Just because women have kids at the same school/of the same age doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily have anything in common with them, it’s like work or anything really some people you’ll click with and some you won’t.

I find the idea that all ‘school mums’ should automatically be mates based on nothing more than them having kids a bit of a weird expectation.

Pumperthepumper · 29/08/2021 21:23

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy

I tend to think that when someone has issues with everyone around them, they themselves are often the issue.

Yes, I agree with this too. You’re the common factor here OP.

Neverrains · 29/08/2021 21:25

Surely a ‘school mum’ is just a mum, as the vast majority of children go to school?
They’re just people. I get on with some people, others I have nothing in common with. Same as the people who happen to have children at the same school as mine.

PerpetualStudent · 29/08/2021 21:25

I had a newish school mum acquaintance who was friendly at occasional out of school social events but then would sometimes blank me at the school gates and hurry away. I was a bit hurt and figured she didn’t really like meeting. Turns out she had horrific anaemia and was massively struggling one week of every month just to put one foot in front of the other!
People have complex lives, and lots of different factors impact on how they behave in the 15 minutes a day you see them at drop off/pick up - don’t assume it’s about you.

vixeyann · 29/08/2021 21:26

I have always found most friendly but kind of have the opposite issue in that some are 'too' friendly, to the point of hassling for play dates repeatedly. I've had to be a bit blunt on occasion to put an end to it - the problem with a small village school! I just keep it friendly with a hello - I'm there to pick up my child not try to make friends for life!

Original poster

frenemynumber9 · 29/08/2021 21:26

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy

I tend to think that when someone has issues with everyone around them, they themselves are often the issue.

I tend to think the same but it's literally only with mums I know from the school. I have plenty of friends outside the playground and have never experienced it anywhere else, for instance uni or work.

OP posts:

Cupoftea53 · 29/08/2021 21:27

I’m a school mum. I probably vary loads day to day in how I appear at the school gates as often I am rushing, one of the 3 kids is being difficult, I’m anxious about their behaviour outside school etc. Other days I’m having a great day, on time and kids all on form and maybe I’m more likely to be chatty.

Cupoftea53 · 29/08/2021 21:30

I think the difference uni or work etc is that you are meeting as an individual. You can just be yourself. A lot of parents (me included) can be anxious when their kids are on show as they may act up, or not enjoy the play date, be tired etc, especially when you have more than one.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2021 21:32

Isn’t every single woman who has kids a school mum at some point? So basically you’re saying you think all women are odd?

Flip

1 2 3