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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my partner a bully or am i just sensitive ?

63 replies

Motherofking · 29/08/2021 20:02

My partner will randomly make such rude comments or randomly raise his voice out of no where it ruins my mood .This happens on a daily basis . Im going to give 3 recent examples of this from yesterday and today .
Yesterday his daughter came over and asked me about my wig. Ive been wearing it due to excess hair loss . She was very rude and I defused the conversation by saying its a wig and tried to ask her about school to not talk about it . He then chimes in laughing saying no it's her real hair and then his daughter laughs and tries to pull it off whilst he's standing there watching her and he laughs. I then raised my voice before she could pull it off and tell them both off . He then calls me a miserable bitch .
Example 2- again on the same day him and his daughter are playing a card game and ask me to join I come into the room with my toddler . He immediately says my toddlers breath smells like garlic . I was confused because my toddler hadn't eaten anything also he didn't have a dirty nappy . I told him maybe the garlic smell is coming else where . He then says OK and continues to play the game but then says ' there's some smelly people in here whew' I got annoyed and left the room .
Eg:3 today I bought him vest and flamingo shorts and I gave them to him and as he tried them on I laughed saying he looked very sexy . I was also laughing because my toddler and I were playing a game at the same time . He then turns around with an annoyed look on his face as says ' OK calm down then ' . I just got annoyed felt like my happy mood went away .
These are just examples from this weekend but this type of behaviour happens all the time . Im not sure if I'm being sensitive. . If you had someone treat you like this would you also feel upset and annoyed or am I just being overly sensitive in your opinion

OP posts:
CheapFoodShits · 29/08/2021 20:14

Is your partner 12 years old?

Unanananana · 29/08/2021 20:17

He sounds like an immature pig. Also sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree either.

Is that the sort of environment you want your child growing up in?

follygirl · 29/08/2021 20:18

He sounds awful

iloveruby · 29/08/2021 20:23

This all sounds really horrible. The incident with the wig was especially cruel. No-one should treat you like that.

Paul72 · 29/08/2021 20:23

@CheapFoodShits

Is your partner 12 years old?
If he is that old he needs a smack. He sounds more like a 4 year old. Motherofking you deserve far better than him, he is not good to you.
Volcano10 · 29/08/2021 20:24

My ex started out like this and it got very abusive to the point he tried to force me to do things I didn't want to and threatened me every single day. I managed to get out OP before physical violence but emotional abuse almost always escalates.

Those comments especially name calling are a huge red flag and are abuse. My ex called me a miserable bitch too. He will only get worse. Get out OP.

Confused102 · 29/08/2021 20:24

He sounds horrid and so does his daughter. I would get rid off both of them.

Cryalot2 · 29/08/2021 20:25

He sounds horrid. Op sorry sbout your hair loss, it is difficult thing to have to deal with, he should be supporting you not being rude.
Is it always in front of his dd or is he like this all the time?

Velvetbee · 29/08/2021 20:25

This is your one precious life. Don’t waste it with this horrible man.

IsThePopeCatholic · 29/08/2021 20:27

He’s a pig. Is he trying to ingratiate himself with his daughter by bullying you?

Goneblank38 · 29/08/2021 20:28

He's a prick. It's absolutely not you. For your own sanity, if leave and keep your son away from him.

Duchess379 · 29/08/2021 20:29

Crikey, you've just described Beavis & Butthead to a tee! DP & his feral daughter are awful. Is he the father to your little boy? You definitely don't need that sort of negativity in your life. The hair piece saga made me wince 😲

Mooloolabababy · 29/08/2021 20:29

Is he your dcs dad? If not, I'd be leaving straight away, if he is, I'd be making plans to leave him ASAP. He's a mean bully.

SpindleWhorl · 29/08/2021 20:29

He's a right arsehole. You have the world's permission to plan to separate from him, but be careful as he is clearly pretty abusive and coercive.

mbosnz · 29/08/2021 20:38

I reckon I'd be looking to decouple from that partner, asap. Who needs that kind of nastiness in their lives? You're right, he's a grade A, 24K bully.

Original poster
Motherofking · 29/08/2021 20:41

@Cryalot2

He sounds horrid. Op sorry sbout your hair loss, it is difficult thing to have to deal with, he should be supporting you not being rude. Is it always in front of his dd or is he like this all the time?
It's like this all the time I can go on and on of many examples . But to keep this post short I Just wanted to name some examples of Whats happened this weekend and it also happened to be the weekend was daughter was here
OP posts:
Original poster
Motherofking · 29/08/2021 20:43

Thanks for the responses . Atleats I know I'm not being overly sensitive or exaggerating . He calls me mad and says I'm a lunatic and tells me I have bipolar . I don't have any mental illness . I am generally happy until he makes comments then I'll end up being in a bad mood which is why he makes the bipolar comment . Im honestly started to believe it

OP posts:
Original poster
Motherofking · 29/08/2021 20:48

@Duchess379

Crikey, you've just described Beavis & Butthead to a tee! DP & his feral daughter are awful. Is he the father to your little boy? You definitely don't need that sort of negativity in your life. The hair piece saga made me wince 😲
Yes he is the father of my son . The wig situation upset me . Deep down I wanted to cry but I didn't . He Continued to call me miserable bitch and asking me why am I so moody his daughter got upset and I started to feel guilty about telling them off but then I realised wtf what am I guilty about ?!
OP posts:
Just10moreminutesplease · 29/08/2021 20:48

He sounds like a horrid bully who’s setting a terrible example for his daughter. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

You’re worth so much more than this OP Flowers.

Yesitsbess · 29/08/2021 20:52

Ok, we've established this is not okay, do you want to establish a plan?

That could mean making it very clear that this behaviour isn't going to be tolerated or it could be planning on distancing yourself and your toddler in a more decisive way. Like leaving them to it.

The hair incident was appalling and entirely unacceptable. Telling you that you have bipolar is crazy-making behaviour and exhausting.

RealBecca · 29/08/2021 20:54

Kicking you down, making you feel shit. Pattern of behaviour. Whether it is a joke or not are you happy to carry on like this? Dont waste your life trying to polish a turd.

RealBecca · 29/08/2021 20:55

Also think about whether you want ypur son to grow up calling women miserable bitches and pulling your wig off..

Merryoldgoat · 29/08/2021 20:55

Look. It’s not ok for anyone to call you a miserable bitch.

He’s a horrid nasty man and you would both be better without him and you know it.

Sceptre86 · 29/08/2021 20:58

You only get one life and it is too short to spend with this arsehole. Ship him out. Do you have any family support, do you work or have people that can help you in the short term? If you do ditch him and move on.

user1471457751 · 29/08/2021 21:15

The first 2 sound like it's him with the problem. I think calling you a miserable bitch because you don't enjoy being mocked over something you are sensitive about, is very cruel.
The last one, got to be honest, sounds like you with the problem. He's was trying on clothes you bought him and you laughed at him. That's rude.