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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my partner a bully or am i just sensitive ?

63 replies

Motherofking · 29/08/2021 20:02

My partner will randomly make such rude comments or randomly raise his voice out of no where it ruins my mood .This happens on a daily basis . Im going to give 3 recent examples of this from yesterday and today .
Yesterday his daughter came over and asked me about my wig. Ive been wearing it due to excess hair loss . She was very rude and I defused the conversation by saying its a wig and tried to ask her about school to not talk about it . He then chimes in laughing saying no it's her real hair and then his daughter laughs and tries to pull it off whilst he's standing there watching her and he laughs. I then raised my voice before she could pull it off and tell them both off . He then calls me a miserable bitch .
Example 2- again on the same day him and his daughter are playing a card game and ask me to join I come into the room with my toddler . He immediately says my toddlers breath smells like garlic . I was confused because my toddler hadn't eaten anything also he didn't have a dirty nappy . I told him maybe the garlic smell is coming else where . He then says OK and continues to play the game but then says ' there's some smelly people in here whew' I got annoyed and left the room .
Eg:3 today I bought him vest and flamingo shorts and I gave them to him and as he tried them on I laughed saying he looked very sexy . I was also laughing because my toddler and I were playing a game at the same time . He then turns around with an annoyed look on his face as says ' OK calm down then ' . I just got annoyed felt like my happy mood went away .
These are just examples from this weekend but this type of behaviour happens all the time . Im not sure if I'm being sensitive. . If you had someone treat you like this would you also feel upset and annoyed or am I just being overly sensitive in your opinion

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 31/08/2021 07:55

What's your housing situation, joint names or just in yours? I'd get rid of him, i really would. No-one who loves you would treat you like that, he has no respect for you. Do you want your son growing up learning that this is how you treat women?

CatMandarin · 31/08/2021 07:57

You won't change people like this as they lack basic kindness and morals. You need to leave even if you have a son. You'll always be unhappy with someone like this

PieceOfString · 31/08/2021 08:08

Wow, name calling, provoking then blaming you, crass behaviour, encouraging his daughter to be insensitive and disrespectful, saying smelly people have arrived. Wonder if you'd have more in common with his ex than him.
Personally from what you've said here I'd be most concerned in removing his influence from your tender new human in an effort to prevent another generation of a ghastly unpleasant man whose ego is so screwed he treats his own partner like shit.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/08/2021 08:18

You'll be a lot happier without this awful pig of a man in your life. Please find some self respect (he has ground yours down) and get rid.

bigbaggyeyes · 31/08/2021 08:22

He's a bully, and I presume you're well on the way to being completely emotionally abused by him and to accept this behaviour as normal, I say this as not one post has said yabu. If you have to ask the question of aibu to this behaviour then he's already well on his way to conditioning you to accept it as normal. Start to make plans to leave

DollyDinkle · 31/08/2021 08:27

He is gas lighting you

Hugoslavia · 31/08/2021 12:22

The first two are him being a pig. It's less clear with the third example as it's unclear if you were teasing him too.

LittleMissMoggy · 31/08/2021 12:37

How awful OP. Sounds incredibly immature, and yes it is bullying behaviour. You don't have to live with this negativity in your life. I would suggest having a look at information from women's charities such as women's aid and refuge. See how that information may resonate with you and if you may want to make changes. He will never change, so if you want a different life you may need to be the one to make that happen xxx

HollowTalk · 31/08/2021 12:44

I'd get as far away as I possibly could from a man like this. And yes, his daughter's just like him - both awful.

AtticusHoysAnus · 31/08/2021 13:00

He sounds like a dickhead.

pansypotter123 · 31/08/2021 13:07

What's is your financial position, do you live together, is the property owned/rented/in his name/your name? Do you have joint bank accounts etc. How old is he/his daughter?

TheChiefJo · 31/08/2021 13:08

So he says nasty things to upset you and when you become upset he claims it is because you're bipolar? That's gaslighting.

Your mental health is fine, OP. But I think you should consider your options with a view to preserving it. This man will grind you down.

CityMumma78 · 31/08/2021 15:07

He sounds awful, an immature inadequate foul bully!! My only advice is to leave him.

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