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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upset i'm the only single one in the office

95 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 28/08/2021 18:52

I've realised that i'm the only single one in the office of eight other people. I've very recently finished for good with arsehole ex but because i'm fairly new to the role, no one at work knows my status they'll think i'm pathetic because i'm single. I regularly have days where I feel so ugly I switch my camera off on teams meetings and this will add to it. Late thirties and pathetically single.

OP posts:

CherryBlossomPink · 29/08/2021 10:02

I’m early 50’s, plus size and left my marriage 5 years ago with zero self esteem. I’ve sorted my head out, built up my confidence and I can honestly say I’ve never had as much make attention! Confidence and valuing yourself are the most attractive attributes out there - spend some time to get yourself together and don’t settle for less than what you deserve next time!

CherryBlossomPink · 29/08/2021 10:04

Make attention - male attention!

PearlyBird · 29/08/2021 11:39

@cheryblossompink i left in my 30a and am 51 now but if people know my story, im often told "i wish my aunt/sister/friend had done what you did".

Im happy and proud of myself! There are things im working on, in myself, and what i want to bring in to my life, my life isnt perfect but who's life is?

PumpkinKlNG · 29/08/2021 11:42

I see the op hasn’t been back to say why she thinks being single is pathetic

Scarlettpixie · 29/08/2021 14:01

This is about how you see yourself and not about how others do. I am the only single person in my office and I have only just realised it after reading my thread! Other people don't give a shit about your relationship status - why would they?

Guacamole001 · 29/08/2021 14:08

In that case I have been pathetic for a very long time!

Gwenhwyfar · 29/08/2021 14:09

@WorraLiberty

OP, I'm sure you don't think single people are pathetic, so why would they?

Yes, I'm a bit offended! Do you think I'm pathetic OP?

I did worry about this once when I thought that my colleagues would be collected from the airport after a work trip and I wouldn't. Turned out only one or two were, and not necessarily by partners, and the rest of us were on a pre-booked taxi.
I suppose the only time it could be awkward would be if the Christmas party was with partners or something.

BlossomOnTrees · 29/08/2021 14:17

I was single briefly before meeting DP and did actually find it hard at work. Colleagues would always say 'Ooh has it been a long time since you got some?' Or ' We need to find you a man.' I always used to get asked what I did at weekends as a single person etc as well as people couldn't fathom how I could have a life without a partner.
I used to ignore it. I am really happy now I am with DP but if I were to have stayed single, I would have dealt with it.
Your self esteem is the problem here, not your relationship status.

Also. Going to pull up someone else on this thread. Saying 'At least you have had a relationship' so what if she hadn't? I find it bizarre this obsession with coupling up.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/08/2021 14:24

"I was single briefly before meeting DP and did actually find it hard at work. Colleagues would always say 'Ooh has it been a long time since you got some?' Or ' We need to find you a man.' I always used to get asked what I did at weekends as a single person etc as well as people couldn't fathom how I could have a life without a partner."

Silly colleagues. I don't get that. The most I've ever had is people asking if I'd like to meet someone, and this is only colleagues I'm also friends with and used to having personal conversations.
When I left my last job to relocate the boss asked what my DH was going to do - he didn't even realise I didn't have one.

changeyourname11111 · 29/08/2021 14:31

@BlossomOnTrees

I was single briefly before meeting DP and did actually find it hard at work. Colleagues would always say 'Ooh has it been a long time since you got some?' Or ' We need to find you a man.' I always used to get asked what I did at weekends as a single person etc as well as people couldn't fathom how I could have a life without a partner. I used to ignore it. I am really happy now I am with DP but if I were to have stayed single, I would have dealt with it. Your self esteem is the problem here, not your relationship status.

Also. Going to pull up someone else on this thread. Saying 'At least you have had a relationship' so what if she hadn't? I find it bizarre this obsession with coupling up.

”has it been a long time since you got some” - can’t imagine what would happen if anyone at work asked me that

(And yes - 5 years this month in my case - I wouldn’t even know what to do if I am ever in that situation again)

tegannotsovegan · 29/08/2021 15:21

Well done for finishing with your awful ex. It is a really hard thing to do

However, trust me when I say that absolutely no-one at work gives a fuck about your marital status - and if they do, they are probably far too involved in your life and not involved enough in theirs.

There is someone for everyone. I truly believe that.

BlossomOnTrees · 29/08/2021 18:37

But also, you do not have to feel like you need to be in a relationship.

FoxesAtDawn · 29/08/2021 18:39

There is one single person in my team. She left her abusive ex. I love her and see her socially once a week.

Relationship status doesn’t equal likability.

KarmaStar · 29/08/2021 19:46

They are probably thinking you are lucky!if they know you are single that is.
Don't view the single life as pathetic!
It's fun!there is the opportunity to do what you want,when you want.to live as you want to,to date if you wish to.
Revel in your independence.have lots of fun 💐🎆

IsabelHerna · 29/08/2021 20:37

I just don't understand why you need to share your relationship status with your colleagues. Or why you should care how they see your appearance etc. Do you care whether they are single, married, etc? Why should they?

Gwenhwyfar · 30/08/2021 16:37

@IsabelHerna

Maybe they're friendly so they chat about life?

simitra · 30/08/2021 17:16

Your colleagues who have kids are probably very jealous of your freedom to come and go as you please, rather than judging you for not having a partner.

Kithic · 30/08/2021 17:20

Seriously, no one cares about your relationship status, so pop that idea in the bin.

If you have just gone through a break up then you will be feeling fragile, don't be too hard on yourself

Obbydoo · 30/08/2021 17:57

OP, I think you are indeed pathetic. Not because you're single but because you think people who are single are pathetic. How incredibly judgemental of you. Be grateful that most people are not as judgey as you and look at yourself and your own views before making ridiculous assumptions about others.

BlossomOnTrees · 30/08/2021 18:36

Have to agree with @Obbydoo

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