Upset i'm the only single one in the office

[RainbowBriteUk]

I've realised that i'm the only single one in the office of eight other people. I've very recently finished for good with arsehole ex but because i'm fairly new to the role, no one at work knows my status they'll think i'm pathetic because i'm single. I regularly have days where I feel so ugly I switch my camera off on teams meetings and this will add to it. Late thirties and pathetically single.

Would you think they are pathetic if you found out they are single?

They are your colleagues, they don't really care about your love life, just your work.

I couldn't tell you who was single and who wasn't in my office, there's only 14 of us.
I think your are worrying about something that doesn't require any thought at all

I know the relationship status of only a fraction of my coworkers. Whatever it is, it doesn’t change my opinion of them. It’s just a little bit of trivia.

I can guarantee you that at least one of those eight people in your office will be envious as fuck at the fact you found the courage to walk away from a deadbeat relationship for good. At least one person in your office will daydream of being single themselves. Sometimes two is the loneliest number.

Everyone hates how they look on Teams

Not the point, but I understand that bit.

Why do you think it's pathetic to be single?

. I have something that couples don't have in that I don't have to run things past a partner before I do things.

It's people like you who think single people are pathetic that cause women to stay with loser men.

I’m divorced and I’m not pathetic. I think you need to deal with your own issues

This is far more about your perceptions of yourself than about anything else. You've come out of a bad relationship and it's left your self esteem in tatters - that's totally understandable. The best thing you can do is access some support to help you work on your self esteem. Don't go into another relationship until you know that you can be content as a single person - if you define yourself in terms of success based on your relationship status, you're on a hiding to nowhere.

Learn to love yourself first - you are deserving of that. Then you will find someone who will love you for the strong, independent and happy person you have become.

Being single is cool! Be proud of yourself for finishing a bad relationship. That is also very, very cool.

Are these feelings left over from your ex? Did they tell you nobody else would ever want you, that you'd be a sad singleton if you left, or that being single in your late 30s would be pathetic?

If so, none of that's true. None of it.

Hold your head high, on camera and off. You're cool.

I feel proud of being single.
Not sure if im the only single one at work. I might be!

I’m single and I’m definitely not pathetic.

You are a much better person for being single than being in a relationship with someone who did not respect you. In any case, whether you are single or not is none of their business, in a way it is intrusive.

As a long time single person (by choice) I am mildly offended you think being single is pathetic

Only mildly though, because I don’t give a fuck what other people think, and neither should you. YABU.

Im long term single too but when I was dating somebody before covid-19, i felt slightly embarrassed to be coupled up, like i was predictable suddenly. More of a cliché than im used to being.

I feel like Im swimming upstream as i am just me.

I am more comfortable with that it seems.

How odd. I didn't realise being in a relationship was an achievement

No one really is that interested and I bet you many are jealous of you being single, being coupled is absolutely not the be all and end off of life and a pretty sad aspiration. Be confident in your own skin.

I dont think it's definitely true that "nobody is interested in you". It's more that they're not invested in to any particular path for your life!! They're not your Mum and your Grandma.

I know who in my team is single, but I don't think they're pathetic! I'm interested in them as people not their marital status - I'd rather be in a chat with the single ones than with the bloke who's got a wife and kids because they actually have interesting things to say. Also my DH is great but I really hope he's not the only worthwhile thing about me!

You are massively overthinking it.

Women who stay in bad relationships because they think they are "nothing without a MAN" - that is pathetic!
A woman who is in her thirties and single with a career - that is freedom!

Being single is not pathetic. If you finished with your arsehole ex that’s an act of strength and self care. Your work colleagues really won’t give a shit.

Nobody will think bad of you, it’s not unusual to be single even if the others are in a relationship.

I mean this kindly, OP... Literally not one of them gives a fuck about your personal life. Not even an ounce of shit given. Trust me.

Off topic but you shouldn't really switch the camera off for meetings, it's impolite.
I doubt anyone finds you "ugly' and I doubt anyone cares whether you have a boyfriend or not!

I work in a team of 12 within an office of about 100 people. I barely give a passing thought to my colleagues’ relationship status. To be honest, I couldn’t care less.