To wonder what the weirdest thing a colleague has ever said to you?

[RainbowBriteUk]

My ex-CEO who hated me said she thought I had beautifully stunning eyes but not in a lesbian way. Disrespectful shit in all ways she was.

Same ex-CEO said lots of other batty shit!

A male colleague came up to me and politely asked if he could bugger me for a moment! I spat my tea out. He was so embarrassed, it was a mix up of bother and bug.

Early twenties and I had an admin job in a very male dominated industry.

I was stood outside having a smoke and a coffee with the director and he said "you know we interviewed loads of people for your job.... but those (pointing at my boobs) convinced me to choose you"

Some of these are making me laugh. I miss the madness that goes on in offices.
A new colleague was introduced to me once and in front of the person introducing us said ‘oh yes, we know each other, we worked together at so and so place’, I politely said ‘no, I never worked there’. (I came from about 100 miles away to be in that job). With hardly any reaction at all he said ‘no, you did’ I said ‘no, I definitely didn’t’ he just smiled and nodded and calmly said ‘you did’ and I gave up and said ‘oh, ok’

When I was pregnant with DD (mixed race), a senior colleague told me she was jealous because she had always wanted a ‘coffee coloured’ child. Like my child is a fashion accessory

Once had a colleague tell me his willy was like a mushroom in a field of hair.
Yuck!

Oh this thread makes me shiver because I have so many:
The highlights-
One colleague invited me for drinks (he was only in our place temporarily to cover staff shortages) and was married and at least twice my age. I said fine a quick beer before I go home. He started as soon as the beers were served - “so do you masturbate?”. I said “doesn’t everyone “. Then he told me what his wife did (in detail). I said I’m not sure I want to hear this, I’m not a relationship counsellor so I think I’ll go. He then proceeded to tell me that I made him feel sick when he saw me. I said that was nice. He then proceeded to tell me a story about how I reminded him of his first love, who committed suicide but I was so ugly. I’d have walked out a lot earlier if he wasn’t a six foot six brick shithouse. As soon as the beer was done, he ordered another, needed the loo, I grabbed my bag and ran.

Another one - night out in Dublin before I came to the UK. A manager looked at me and asked me if I’d ever experienced my own death. I said I wasn’t sure that was possible. He then told me he wanted to stab me in my heart.

Working in the civil service (in a legal capacity), Christmas party - in the office do no booze just shit food. Older chap who sat opposite to me but thought he was like a sexy Rebus or something asked me if I wanted some of his food. I said no I don’t thanks I’m a vegetarian. He then elaborated on how shit I’d be if we were in a radical wilderness scenario where I’d be eating grass and he’d be skinning rabbits. I said that ludicrous because that’s like making the claim that if we were in the scenario where a plane crashed in the Andes (can’t remember the film name) saying he’d eat people and I’d eat snow. Without missing a beat he stood up, threw his leather jacket over his shoulder and said “I’d eat you. You’d be juicy”.
Same guy told me (while looking me up and down) “you look sporty” when I said I no longer did sport.

Literally far too many… so many.

In one of my first jobs "I'll pay you to have lesbian sex in the cricket pitch", didn't offend me at all, we were all young and there was a free bar, I love that colleague. More recently "no one wants to talk to you because of your face", not too keen on that colleague, but wish first colleague had heard the comment because I bet his reaction would have been well worth a watch

@WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy

When I was pregnant with DD (mixed race), a senior colleague told me she was jealous because she had always wanted a ‘coffee coloured’ child. Like my child is a fashion accessory

One of my previous colleagues had only been working with us a couple of weeks, so I barely knew her. She came back from the toilet in a panic and told me she thought she had a tapeworm, then asked me to go and look up her bum to see if I could see it

I politely declined and suggested she see a doctor. We do not work in the medical field or anything even remotely connected

The boss who when I handed my notice in said, “I don’t know, I don’t think so, we’ll see” - I literally didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t the reaction I was expecting so I just went home like this I had to go in again the next day and resign again.

A male colleague criticised my breasts as "fake and no good at all" (having just grabbed them when I walked past him).

I was 15.

Oh God I have a few.

My MD once announced, in front of a load of other senior managers that he had 'had a dream about me'. I knew he was trying to embarrass me and have a chuckle at my expense. I was in my early twenties and knew if became embarrassed, this would go on and on. I went with 'was I good?' He said 'urm yes' I just replied 'that's fine then....not like you would ever actually experience it in real life. Thats the closest you will get' and walked away. My manager ran after me to check I was OK, but was really happy I had shown him up. Now (at 40) I would reply something far more vicious.

And then a senior manager (different job) sat at my desk telling me about how he had prolapsed his arse (can you even do that?) weight lifting and how he tried to treat it himself before deciding to go to the hospital. I was like 'wtf!' And told him he needed to move away from my desk. 2 members of my team asked me if he was drunk. I had to drag the same manager away from one of my team members, when he walked up to her and asked him to sniff the sleeve of his shirt. He had split coffee as was wondering if he smelled. But he literally walked up to her with his arm out saying 'sniff me'. She was horrified. I ran interference between him and other people for far too long.

Then there was the office Olympics that included 'teabag discus' that someone had, jokingly, suggested was called 'tea bagging' and a young woman put 'tea bagging' on the posters that went up all over the building.

Another MD started telling me who was having an affair with who, on my 3rd week there. I had to sit there mortified while he updated me on all my new colleagues shenanigans.

Oddly, all men that have said really weird shit to me.

When I and a colleague got engaged at the same time, I had a small diamond, my colleague a much larger one. Another colleague said, "it's the size of the cock, not the rock."

@OhThatChicken

Male facilities manager (mid 60s) told me (then mid 20s): ‘If I was a woman I’d want to be you. Or Doris Day.’

He was a lovely man and it wasn’t meant creepily. It just really made me laugh and always stuck with me.

That would appeal to my sense of humour!

Another colleague wrote in my wedding card, "I hope it lasts."

Company director said I love attention from men whilst he was very drunk at the Christmas party. I had only been there a few months and barely spoke to the men, I found them all really intimidating.

I was the first candidate interviewed and was offered the job there and then. Colleague subsequently said the job shouldn’t have been offered to me straight away because if the boss had interviewed others there might have been somebody better! 🤔

I worked with a kind of weird guy who smelt of digestives and had a slow West Country way of talking. One day he started going on about how springtime always made him feel frustrated because he was single. So I said something like ah well you can still enjoy the sunshine and he goes " YES BUT THE SAP IS RISING". Creepy fuck.

One asked me if I was on my period because I said I had a headache.

Another asked if I liked the bay city rollers when she found out I was Scottish (though that one was funny) - I live abroad

“Where are you from?” Me, confused “a town about half an hour away from the office”. Colleague “no I mean originally, you’re not English are you?” Me “yes I am I’ve lived here my whole life”. Colleague “WOW really WOW you don’t look English at all”. I’m pasty white british, don’t have an accent and am not exotic looking. Was weird and would have been offensive if I wasn’t white/British.

A former colleague warned me I would be dead within days if I didn't start eating meat again - she had just discovered I had become a vegetarian the previous month.

It's been over 10 years and I'm still veggie and still very much alive

Another colleague told me I would have to start eating meat again if I got pregnant otherwise my baby would be born with lots of health problems and social services would remove them from my care at birth.

A colleague at my previous job told me that 'maybe you wouldn't have so much sick leave if you ate meat' - I'd returned from a whopping two days of sick leave with tonsillitis which was the first sick leave I had taken for 5 years, when I had a kidney infection. The colleague who made the comment had taken substantially more sick leave than me during that time so not sure how a mere two days in 5 years qualified as 'so much sick leave'.

Stuck in a car once with a social worker colleague who thought he was God like. He seemed OK until the conversation.

Oh one collegue told me my top was inappropriate because it was Ramadan. I replied I wore the top, often and I wasn't Muslim. He replied, that he was and he wasn't allowed to stare at my books during Ramadan.

I pointedbout he should have been doing that anyway as it was highly unprofessional and inappropriate AND he was married.

'You're so attractive, I was surprised that your husband isn't taller'

My husband got cancer because Eve told the Apple off the tree (I'm not religious and very thankfully he's ok now). She said this to me at work, 15 mins after I'd just had a cal from him to say he definitely had cancer and as I was urgently trying to leave the building.