To think that if many people in a family don't like you, it's you not them

[Dancemore]

We have a small family. There was a family wedding this week. This family member has fallen out with her mum's husband and also her niece. Neither have contact with her.

She seems nice and has a disabled child (uses a wheelchair and has learning disabilities) who it doesn't look her family support her much with. She doesn't have it easy.

Her niece isn't well liked either and has caused plenty of trouble with other people. She's a young single mum who gets alot of the family to babysit all the time. The child gets passed from pillar to post, Is what is said.

No idea about the fallout with the step dad.

The woman is spoken about quite badly but when discussing it last night, we had no idea why. She's perceived as being awful and spoken about as if she is but she doesn't seem it at all.

Aibu to think that if your close family don't like you, it must be you and not them?

From what I’ve seen the family scapegoat is usually targeted for speaking up about unfairness etc but not always. Sometimes it’s really hard to see why they’re in that role.

I used to ponder why MIL was scapegoated by DH’s family, her ex in laws - for the whole marriage, not just after the divorce. But as I got to know them better I realised they scapegoated all wives ‘marrying in’ except one. It’s just what they did. With the one that was treated the worst they also scapegoated her younger DD.

That was awful to see. One of the reasons we don’t see them anymore

I am the scapegoat on my fathers side. One cousin listened to lies my then ex told him about me and I was uninvited to a family wedding I had paid a fortune to go to. I ended up in hospital over it I was so upset and no clue what had happened for a year or so after. All became fine again for a few years till my aunt used my name in a total lie and instead of anyone asking me 'did you say xyz' they all stopped talking to me again. I only found out recently the lie that was told and it is THE most ridiculous thing (it was something someone else in the family had said BEFORE I WAS BORN) yet this was taken as gospel and I was ousted. They ignore me to this day and not one has ever asked if I even said the thing. People are unreal at times.