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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you think ‘date nights’ are important?

99 replies

LBirch02 · 27/08/2021 19:26

Found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago felt grim for a bit but now thankfully feel a lot better. Me and OH have scheduled our first proper ‘date night’ in ages for tomorrow night and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve spent ages today picking out my dress - I need to get a life I know I just feel id love to schedule regular date nights in now and visit as many different places as possible- just think this 1-1 couple time is really important. What are your views on it?

OP posts:

maddiemookins16mum · 28/08/2021 07:41

Me and DH went out for dinner last night. It was lovely. We plan to donit more often.

Parker231 · 28/08/2021 07:46

We never call them date nights. We have hired babysitters (two of the staff from nursery) and gone out together regularly since DT’s were about six months. Sometimes it’s a meal or theatre, other times a coffee or time at the gym.

miltonj · 28/08/2021 08:18

I think it depends on what your relationship is like already. If you go out for lots of meals, nights out, experiences as in weekly, and that is a main part of your bond and relationship, then yes absolutely, your relationship will suffer with making an official date night. If your relationship is a bit more comfortable, then messing about at home, catching moments, being creative about where and where you can have sex, being kind to each other etc will keep it all alive. Also, if your relationship is solid now, having a baby will bond you together in a way you can't imagine. It's an utterly life changing, vulnerable and highly emotional thing to go through together so it's likely you'll feel incredibly close to your partner and that will definitely keep the romance going! Although not so much if he's not pulling his weight and resentment starts to grow. A date night a nice, but I think if everything is good, it doesn't need to be an official weekly thing. I think it's a good idea for relationships that are struggling though, to have that time set aside.

Parker231 · 28/08/2021 09:46

I don’t think it’s to do with the state of your relationship (just celebrated 26 year anniversary). It’s about having fun together away from the home, children and responsibilities.

tegannotsovegan · 28/08/2021 09:49

They’re really important for me. Proper date nights that is. My current partner and I have agreed to one scheduled date night a month (scheduled due to childcare). I couldn’t be in a relationship without going on dates. Not because I’m materialistic, because I would even class going for a walk with my partner without our child as a date. But I just need that one-on-one time to connect with my partner.

Mikethenight2good · 28/08/2021 10:05

Do it! Have fun...I think it's really important.

I miss date nights. Even at home. My husband doesn't seem to value them much and cba to organise anything.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/08/2021 10:17

@Godwits

Something inside me curls up and dies whenever I read those two little words .. date night ...

Me too.

MaMelon · 28/08/2021 10:18

Me three. DH and I just go out for dinner, or we go to the cinema, or we go for a walk, or whatever - it doesn’t need to be given a different name.

Benjispruce5 · 28/08/2021 10:19

If you do t have other children isn’t that just going out somewhere? To me a date night would be a night out alone with your children. Not a term I’d use though. Before children, I didn’t appreciate how easy it was to go out and then sleep in!! Make the most!!

Godwits · 28/08/2021 14:03

@maddiemookins16mum

Me and DH went out for dinner last night. It was lovely. We plan to donit more often.

Just don't start calling it day night ...

Godwits · 28/08/2021 14:04

Oops! Date night!

maddiemookins16mum · 28/08/2021 20:51

@Godwits

Oops! Date night!

We won’t. I call it ‘going out for dinner’…..I’m too long in the tooth for ‘date night’. I’m not on a date, I’m married 😊

Fernando072020 · 28/08/2021 21:32

We don't do date nights in the sense that we dress up etc but we have lazy date nights. PJs, snacks, movies.
We did this every Saturday when I was pregnant (1st lockdown) DS is now 13 months old and we've only just started doing them again for the last month. I've missed them!

Get as many as you can in before the baby gets here and enjoy the time together 🙂

RamblingJenny · 28/08/2021 22:00

Very!

Anordinarymum · 28/08/2021 22:10

I think making the effort to plan and do something together is what keeps a relationship special. I bang on about this all the time, but its because I really do believe you have to have time together doing simple things, whether it be going for a walk or a meal, to how you are and value that person. It is important to remind yourself why you are with them, and to let them know you are thinking of them.
It's easy to slip into a way of life where no effort is made to look nice and please your partner, just because you are living together.

You have to work at a relationship to keep it unique

MrsDThomas · 28/08/2021 22:17

Date night and play date 🤮🤮🤮

leavesthataregreen · 28/08/2021 22:21

I'm not keen on calling them date nights because that puts pressure on a couple to be romantic as if they were dating and that might feel artificial. But I really rate going out and having fun with DH very highly on the list of things worth doing in life. Shared happy experiences make for a great marriage. Comedy nights and gigs by favourite musicians, good plays, films, new restaurants, hikes, candlelit classical concerts, evening picnics - we do this sort of thing as often as possible. And tbh I find it more fun than socialising with other couples.

HarrisMcCoo · 28/08/2021 22:22

@PlanDeRaccordement

We don’t do date nights. Hate them. They’re not for everyone.

Same here.

BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 09:44

It's important but maybe don't schedule them in rigidly.

MaMelon · 29/08/2021 09:47

@MrsDThomas

Date night and play date 🤮🤮🤮

YY to this - both set my teeth on edge

BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 09:49

And agree, lose the names for the nights. Just try and make sure you arrange things for you to do.

LordOfTheThings · 29/08/2021 10:02

I think it's important to spend time with your partner doing what you both enjoy. I can't call them 'date nights' because I just can't stand that term, but yes, it's important.

FakeFruitShoot · 29/08/2021 10:02

We have probably had date night 3 or 4 times in the last 9 years... we do have loads of time together though. Most - probably 6 out of 7 - evenings from about 9pm. We might have a curry or a pizza together at the weekend (obviously we eat as a family in the week). We have time to chat about non-kid, non-household stuff all the time, even on days out, even though we have 4 kids under 10. We go out for breakfast or lunch just the two of us perhaps every couple of months or so. One of our favourite things is walking to Costco - about 3 miles away - for a hot dog I think it very much depends on how the rest of your life is structured and what your expectations are.

clartins · 30/08/2021 19:31

@LakeFlyPie

I've always presumed 'date night' was a contrived way of saying forward planned shag night. The beauty of a long term cohabiting adult relationship is every night is a date night to spend together and do whatever you want whether it's swinging from the chandeliers or staring at a screen in each other's company. I generally despise / resent organised fun

Best response 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼

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