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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think ‘date nights’ are important?

99 replies

LBirch02 · 27/08/2021 19:26

Found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago felt grim for a bit but now thankfully feel a lot better. Me and OH have scheduled our first proper ‘date night’ in ages for tomorrow night and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve spent ages today picking out my dress - I need to get a life I know Grin I just feel id love to schedule regular date nights in now and visit as many different places as possible- just think this 1-1 couple time is really important. What are your views on it?

OP posts:
Original poster
LBirch02 · 27/08/2021 20:11

WeaningNewbiiee Happy Anniversary! Flowers hope you have a great time tomorrow!

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 27/08/2021 20:14

Very. Even if you don't call them that, spending alone time together as a couple and continuing to make an effort for each other is really important. It's lovely to spend time laughing together and chatting about something other than the kids and logistics of family life. Been married nearly 20 years and love date nights with DH.

ohthatbloodycat · 27/08/2021 20:15

I think it's important. I do sometimes wonder about the mothers on here who say 'DH and I haven't been out together in 5 years' or 'I'm too tired to have sex'.
So book a babysitter! Nothing good comes of being complacent to that degree hello affairsville.

SardineJam · 27/08/2021 20:18

Due to lack of evening childcare options DH and I used to book a day off work and have a date day while the children were at nursery, it was really important for us to have just time for us especially in those first few years of parenthood when everything is so intense. DCs are now older and DH and I don't have date days (or nights) however it is easier to spend quality time together even if just downstairs in the house, watching a film, making dinner, a walk etc

Godwits · 27/08/2021 20:19

Something inside me curls up and dies whenever I read those two little words ..
date night ...

HeddaGarbled · 27/08/2021 20:20

My parents don’t really do it

Because they don’t need or want to schedule sex.

Date nights are good when the relationship is good, dreadful when the relationship is dreadful. Not always necessary in a good relationship, particularly when the children have moved out.

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 27/08/2021 20:22

Every bloody night during lockdown was a date night!

Seriously though, I don’t know that date nights are important. But knowing what’s going on with each other is. That can happen during the course of the day, in the evenings, at home, out. We prefer to go out together with our friends, go out alone but with friends, go out with the children. We only ever go out together when a grandparent is free to babysit. But, we have an hour, hour and a half every evening together without distraction. We text all day. We both know what’s going on in each other’s lives with perhaps only a day or two of delay. So, we don’t need date nights as such, but we are “together” all the time anyway.

Echobelly · 27/08/2021 20:26

Pretty important, yeah - we deliberately arranged to live near family and have been able to have time to ourselves even when our kids were little, and I think it has been so valuable to have a break from just telling one another what needs doing!

OverByYer · 27/08/2021 20:27

The term ‘ date night’ makes my teeth itch

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/08/2021 20:29

Date nights have been made into such a towie/ kardashian esque, Instagram over the topness thing!
Yes it’s important to spend some time with your partner, do I see the need to schedule a whole night out wkly - nope. But I make time to hang out, same way I make time for my friends etc.

Lsquiggles · 27/08/2021 20:35

Since having our DD 2 years ago I think it's very important to have time as a couple and be 'us' rather than mom and dad

clartins · 27/08/2021 20:36

Personally I hate the term ‘date night’ where has it appeared from over the last couple of years? If we’re going out for dinner or drinks, that’s exactly what we’re doing. But whatever you want to call it…..who am I to say I’m right and anyone else is wrong? If it works for you that’s lovely and I hope you have many more in the future 🥰

MusicTeacherSussex · 27/08/2021 20:42

Oh my god it's SO important!!! You need to absolutely spend time together romantically as a couple, deliberately and exclusively. Life can vet demanding and it can make you snappy and distant. Make damn sure you keep dating, after you're exclusive, after you're engaged, married, had kids, retired...the lot.

We are together 7.5 years, engaged to be married next year with a new baby boy (it's a cat! Lol)

We went for lunch on Saturday and dressed up, held hands and it was just wonderful, we were giddy for days after.

icedcoffees · 27/08/2021 20:45

Yes, very important.

We had a "lunch date" today and it was amazing. We don't do it often enough due to work and life getting in the way, but we always have a wonderful time when we do!

stringlightcentral · 27/08/2021 20:46

Isn't "date night" just what we have all been doing - finding time to be with and appreciate partner whilst doing the parenting/family shit? If you have to make it an "event" then I'd be worried

Cotswoldmama · 27/08/2021 20:49

I think they're nice but not essential. My husband and I have been together 20 years since I was 17 and we've had about five date nights!

iwannascream · 27/08/2021 21:05

We have been together 9 and married for 2, its second time round for us. I was widowed for 10 years before I met him. We tell each other we need "Us" time when we need to. It can be a walk at the coast with a bag of chips and run out in the car with good music or a night in a hotel, but it is important to make time to be together.

Enjoy you date tomorrow and congratulations

Floralnomad · 27/08/2021 21:10

If it’s important to you then do it , we’ve been married for 30+ yrs , on the whole very happily and I don’t think we’ve ever scheduled a ‘date ‘ , we spend a lot of time together and have never felt the need to actually schedule anything .

Bellagonna · 27/08/2021 21:25

@LBirch02

Bellagonna hope you get the option soon!
We have dc2 now so I doubt it! Once we can leave them both on their own we will get out but that's another few years away!

We did say we'd try to take time off in the day to do out once a month but both our work has been crazy since covid so we've had no chance. We work and sleep.

DDIJ · 27/08/2021 21:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

allfurcoatnoknickers · 27/08/2021 21:35

DH and I do day dates - we've had loads of nice lunches and breakfasts out together while we've been working from home. I CBA to pay for a babysitter, so we don't do date nights very often.

rubbletrouble · 27/08/2021 21:37

Date nights are only important, if you want them. To me they are forced and we don't need a night out to make ourselves available to the other.

It is vital in a relationship to make time for each other in whatever way is needed, we are happy now cuddled up on the sofa together, watching tv while our DS snoozes upstairs, it's perfection.

LakeFlyPie · 27/08/2021 22:47

I've always presumed 'date night' was a contrived way of saying forward planned shag night.
The beauty of a long term cohabiting adult relationship is every night is a date night to spend together and do whatever you want whether it's swinging from the chandeliers or staring at a screen in each other's company. I generally despise / resent organised fun

Mantlemoose · 27/08/2021 22:48

Not for us but if it works for you that's what important.

FunnysInLaJardin · 27/08/2021 22:50

Not important at all provided you spend plenty of time together. In fact a 'date night' seems really cringey

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