To step in when someone is yelling at their child…..

[Dandy008]

My friend and I went to the zoo today.

A mother in front of us in the cafe, had 3 children with her, she was also with another adult female who had two children with her.

There was a young girl in her pram, I would’ve said around 2ish (maybe younger) who was crying and screaming.

My son does this often so it’s nothing new to see a child crying in the pram.

However, the mother very abruptly, told the child to shut up and go to sleep.
The child was getting really upset, and reaching to her mother.
The mother grabbed hold of the child’s arms, pulled her towards her and said “shut the f*ck up and go to sleep”

The child was clearly distressed but not once did the mother take her out of the pram or offer any comfort.

She began talking to the other adult referring to
her own younger child as a “little twat” who needs to go to sleep. (Meanwhile, said child was becoming more and more upset)

The child threw her dummy on the floor and the mother said “well that can f*cking stay there”

Her other two children were sat eating and there was no interaction from the mother to them, but the younger child was still very upset and the mother repeatedly was shouting and swearing at her.

Both my friend I began to feel really uncomfortable with how this situation was escalating and especially because the child was so upset and the mother seemed to be getting angrier with her.

I was going to walk over and ask if she was okay or if there was anything I could do to help her, but before go the chance, someone else went over to her.

They didn’t offer her help but began to tell her off and threaten to call the police.

There was a bit of a heated argument the staff came over to diffuse the situation.

I wouldn’t have gone over to argue or tell the mother off (as much as I wanted to) but more to step in to offer support…

Is this a thing? Is it reasonable to do this?!

If an adult finds a mum like this scary then fuck knows how scary the child must feel. I bet she's even worse in private.

It's fortunate that someone with a backbone was there that day and there's a small possibility of that child being protected.

The person who'd send their kids there - the 2 year old needs a sleep. Don't you think that your children would delay her falling asleep especially if they offer something to eat too?

I don't think an offer of support would have done anything really. I find that the people who need the most support are often the ones in denial about needing help.

How awful.
Agree that if the “Mother” speaks to her child like that in public, what on Earth goes on behind closed doors.
Poor children to have such a harridan for a parent.

@LowlandLucky

Unfortunately that is how some Mothers are, nothing to do with being stressed, just their nature. There are children bought into this world because it is a "career" choice, the baby will bring untold riches, flat, white goods, money and many other riches. Sadly not every child is brought into the world for love.

How do you work that one out for FFS

@Merryoldgoat, do you truly believe that this never happens??

@LowlandLucky

I don’t live on a cloud. I grew up in poverty in a workless family in the midst of benefit fraud, an emotionally abusive parental relationship and dysfunctional wider family.

There were non of the things you describe. Trips to the laundry, electricity and gas always being on ‘emergency’ and my mother working out whether to put £5 on the utilities or to eat herself.

Yes, we had a council flat, yes, we had benefits, but we had zero comfort and I’m spite of my mother’s poor relationship and life choices she recognised them enough to encourage me and my sisters to do better which we have.

When young girls make those poor choices it’s owing to a lack of support, role models and the abject failure of our education system to give them the ability to see a better future.

Maybe sent my own kid over with a cake or doughnut with instructions to ask the mum if it’s okay and then used that as an opening to start a conversation

Why would you put your own child anyway near someone abusing their own child. Just wow.

@Somethingsnappy

No, but I don’t believe it’s commonplace and I don’t believe people with better choices make the poor ones described.

It’s no accident I didn’t have children young even though on paper I would be a prime candidate for that life.

I was encouraged to do well at school, encouraged to want better and to want a solid normal life which I now have.

Judging by all the responses, it would be really useful to get details of what the police and social services would recommend.

Wouldn't it have been better for the person to just call the police? Rather than exposing the children to more swearing and shouting? They might have had good intentions but I'm pretty sure they knew it would just make the situation even worse.

Sounds awful op...

My husband was recently out driving and there was a toddler lagging behind his mum on a pavement with his reigns dragging behind him, bawling his eyes out, sunburnt to a crisp with no sun hat or top on. Mum in front of him a long way up the road swearing on the phone ignoring him. DH was in a big queue of traffic two lanes across and told me when he got home. I felt like jumping in my car and driving around to find the poor soul.

This type of behaviour needs to be called out by the community and reported to the police. Makes me think of Baby P, Kaylee Jayde Priest. The more adults that report little things like this the more likely an accurate picture is built for the authorities. It's not invasive or nosey to protect abused children.

If the mum was upset or seemed stressed then yes I would offer support. But a swearing mouthy bully? No. There is nothing anyone except the services can do to help her child.

[quote Merryoldgoat]@Somethingsnappy

No, but I don’t believe it’s commonplace and I don’t believe people with better choices make the poor ones described.

It’s no accident I didn’t have children young even though on paper I would be a prime candidate for that life.

I was encouraged to do well at school, encouraged to want better and to want a solid normal life which I now have.[/quote]
But this isn't about you (not intended unkindly). Some people really do (hopefully more rarely than may be guessed at, given the parenting of some people) have children just in the hope or expectation of financial gain. The poster that said that didn't deserve to be criticised quite so vehemently.

@BeenThruMoreThanALilBit

See, I think threatening to call the police isn’t always the right thing to do. It escalates an already fraught situation. The mother was not calm or rational. Threatening someone in that state will rarely lead to peace and understanding descending on the situation.

I know it’s different when you’re at home and can think clearly, but I think I would have caused a distraction of some sort. Something that might have appealed to the child in the pushchair. Maybe sent my own kid over with a cake or doughnut with instructions to ask the mum if it’s okay and then used that as an opening to start a conversation. My kids are tough little cookies and I would have deliberately sat close by given the woman was in front of me in the queue.

Or, possibly, having sat close by I might have dropped something that grabbed the mum’s attention. Broken her conversation with her friend, been a bit chatty and eventually asked about the 2yo.

Both of these could have diffused the situation there and then, but yes, the worry is always what’s happening at home. Children just need to be tired or hungry or hot, parents just need to be harassed or stressed or tired …. It’s important not to jump to conclusions, but it’s also important not to let a situation pass you by. It’s all instinct, I think. You need to be there to know what your spidey senses are telling you.

So some mother is abusing her child? Effing and jeffing like a good 'un? And you'd send your child over with a cake to try and diffuse the situation?

Maybe sent my own kid over with a cake or doughnut with instructions to ask the mum if it’s okay and then used that as an opening to start a conversation.

Oh stop it! Honestly 🙄

I'll never forget taking my 3 yo son to a speech and language clinic for a group with several other families. One mum sat there bitching about the fact they had to be there, how inconvenient it was, how unfair it was in her sons siblings and how it was all because her sons fault because he wouldn't talk, all said to her son.

Some people are disgusting human beings.

I would quietly record it on my phone and then go and speak to the manager of the cafe and ring the police.

They absolutely will do something about it - particularly given evidence. We recently had a CCTV shot posted by the local police looking for a women who had been identified by a member of public hitting a child in a supermarket.

The person who said people shouldn’t stick their noses in is just as bad. EVERYBODY has a civil duty to look out for small children. Everybody.

And, beware the 'smoothing it all over' approach. Well done, they are quiet now.

Wait until they get home.

Don't smooth that over....

Her attitude seems awfully similar to the mother and boyfriend who were recently convicted of killing her little girl. If a mother could speak to a child like that in public they could be much much worse at home.

port1 I didn't work it out, it what i dealt with for many years.

I saw something similar on the bus. Mom was just shouting at her children and other children with her. From your description it could have been the same person.
I felt so bad for the little girl and would have loved to say something but I was with my son so had to think about the repercussions.

It’s so hard because you can’t imagine treating your own children that way. Just have to hope there is some support in place.

I witnessed similar in a shop and decided to call the Police (non emergency number)

The adults were being aggressive, I was shopping alone and didn’t feel comfortable approaching them.

I work in a profession linked to child protection and did not feel able to walk away.

Not sure what “support” I could offer in this situation. Wouldn’t hesitate to offer a mum support if they were struggling with a young child - even a smile and an acknowledgement that parenting is hard. What you’ve described does not sound like one of those situations. The mum is being abusive - whether she is stressed or whether this is the norm - she needs to be challenged

Your mistake OP is thinking this woman is stressed and will benifit from someone acknowledging how difficult it is to parent sometimes. That approach doesn't work with people like that because then it makes them think what they're doing is fine because you are being nice to them. Sometimes people like that need a shock and to be threatened with something g actually happening to them (because that's all they care about).
Sending your child over would be fucking ridiculous. Sorry but that's honestly one of the worst ideas you could have come up with.

Poor baby, and poor you OP. I can imagine how distressing that would be to watch and not be able to do anything about it to confirm that our little girl. It breaks my heart even in the second-hand re-telling.

For what it's worth, I don't think there was any way of intervening that could have done any good in the moment. I agree with others that if there were a next time (heaven forbid) and you could safely record, then report to the police, that's probably what I'd do. Even if I couldn't record I'd quietly report to the police.

So horrible, I'm sorry.

That's so sad :(