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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was a perfect example of mansplaining?

62 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 26/08/2021 20:10

My friends partner showing me how to use a basic toastie machine. You know the ones which a 4 year old could use? With step by step instructions from him. (Was looking after his son for a few hours over lunch as a favour)

OP posts:
NigellaSeed · 26/08/2021 20:13

Was the toastie for him?

peboh · 26/08/2021 20:13

Not necessarily. He probably just wanted to make sure you had every bit of information you needed. Its such a silly thing to be offended over.

RookieRoo · 26/08/2021 20:15

I wouldn't call this mansplaining either, just explaining how to use his kitchen gadget.

Idbemonica1 · 26/08/2021 20:17

You can't be too careful, what with the whole buttering the wrong side of the bread thing...

Doughnut100 · 27/08/2021 08:37

Definitely mansplaining.

HugeAckmansWife · 27/08/2021 08:39

he could have just said "standard toastie maker - all good?" yes its mansplaining.

Cocomarine · 27/08/2021 08:39

It would be a perfect example of mansplaining if it was YOUR toastie maker.

This could be anywhere from mansplaining to a bit patronising to helpful 🤷🏻‍♀️

GoodGrief100 · 27/08/2021 08:44

Mansplaining? No. Patronising? Yes. Just because a man explains something to a woman doesn't always make it 'mansplaining'.

Pedalpushers · 27/08/2021 08:45

It's patronising, not mansplaining. I define mansplaining as a man explaining a concept to a woman who is actually much more knowledgeable in that area than he is.

DuckDuckGooses · 27/08/2021 08:47

Are you an expert in toastie machines? Was it your machine? If so, potentially - yes. If not, isn't it just the standard parent thing of explaining everything to the nth degree (e.g writing huge lists for grandparents and friends who babysit)?

GoodGrief100 · 27/08/2021 08:47

@Pedalpushers

It's patronising, not mansplaining. I define mansplaining as a man explaining a concept to a woman who is actually much more knowledgeable in that area than he is.
This!
lovelybitofsquirrell · 27/08/2021 08:48

I'm Really really not trying to be a prick, genuinely curious and have a couple of questions as I have never really understood the term.

Why is this mansplaining ?

Is this not a person giving you all the info for the specific kitchen gadget.

Is it only mansplaining is it's a man telling a woman?

What would you call it if his wife had given you instructions.

Mummytomylittlegirl · 27/08/2021 08:49

@Idbemonica1

You can't be too careful, what with the whole buttering the wrong side of the bread thing...
Never buttered my toasties, isn’t it slimy with the cheese?
HugeAckmansWife · 27/08/2021 08:51

I honestly doubt that the woman would have given step by step instructions for a toastie machine which are hardly complex or unusual gadgets. She would have assumed her friend had common sense and was a competent adult.

SoupDragon · 27/08/2021 08:52

This isn't mansplaining. It's just a man telling you how his toastie maker works.

Shirleyphallus · 27/08/2021 08:53

A man from work mansplained breastfeeding to me. On my return from maternity leave.

ThreeLocusts · 27/08/2021 08:53

Of course mansplaining! What grown woman wouldn't know how to use a toastie maker? Only men have a chance of reaching adulthood not finding this self-evident.

aaaaah · 27/08/2021 08:55

@SoupDragon

This isn't mansplaining. It's just a man telling you how his toastie maker works.
Agreed. Unless he can reasonably assume you have more experience than him. He could have just asked if you'd used one before though.
HarrietsChariot · 27/08/2021 08:55

It doesn't sound like he decided "to comment on or explain something to a woman in a condescending, overconfident, and often inaccurate or oversimplified manner" - so no, it's not mansplaining.

Tooshytoshine · 27/08/2021 08:56

My dad explained feminism to me (completely incorrectly) the other day, as being entirely based on differences in physical strength and ideas of equality were actually only made an issue during the industrial revolution. Yes, you need to be Jeff Capes to be an accountant, solicitor, politician, landowner...etc

I have masters and a doctorate in feminist related studies. Even pointing this out didn't deter him.

That is mansplaining. Unless you are a toaster specialist, then he was probably just a bit patronising.

HarrietsChariot · 27/08/2021 08:57

Also, I reckon it was the opposite of mansplaining, that he himself had struggled to operate the machine to begin with so didn't want anyone else to struggle too, i.e. he did it because of his aknowledgement of his own incompetence.

aaaaah · 27/08/2021 08:58

If anything he wasn't making a sexist assumption that as a woman you'd know how it worked

plodalong12 · 27/08/2021 09:00

@ThreeLocusts

Of course mansplaining! What grown woman wouldn't know how to use a toastie maker? Only men have a chance of reaching adulthood not finding this self-evident.
The woman four posts above yours who didn’t know you’re supposed to use butter the bread first
LittleBiscuit09 · 27/08/2021 09:03

Perhaps his son has a specific way of liking the toaster, perhaps he was nervous and prattling on, perhaps he once didn't know how to use a toaster machine so assumes you didn't either.

Perhaps if you had been a man he'd still have explained it like that.

aaaaah · 27/08/2021 09:03

I had no idea the butter was needed either