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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was a perfect example of mansplaining?

62 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 26/08/2021 20:10

My friends partner showing me how to use a basic toastie machine. You know the ones which a 4 year old could use? With step by step instructions from him. (Was looking after his son for a few hours over lunch as a favour)

OP posts:
Mummytomylittlegirl · 27/08/2021 09:04

I know you can butter obviously, I just don’t bother. No point in the extra calories when you have the cheese.

SoupDragon · 27/08/2021 09:04

People are far too quick to label stuff as "mansplaining" etc when it would just have elicited a small smile from a woman. It's ridiculous.

SoupDragon · 27/08/2021 09:05

The butter goes on the outside though and makes the bread like fried bread rather than dry toast.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 27/08/2021 09:07

You are meant to butter the OUTSIDE of the sandwich that is in contact with hot plates.
So ut doesn't stick and it goes crispy.

Ninjawannabee · 27/08/2021 09:12

I'm with you OP. But clearly lots and lots of women are keener to jump to his defence than assume that you, who was in the interaction, recognised mansplaining when you had it done to you.

If they were men answering then I'd comment that they are mansplaining to you what mansplaining is. However since I assume they're women, I'll just quietly despair in the corner instead.

AppleKatie · 27/08/2021 09:14

From what you’ve said OP it’s impossible for us to tell.

Awful lot of people leaping automatically to his defence though. I want to say bizarre but it it’s more disappointing really.

FrippEnos · 27/08/2021 09:31

lovelybitofsquirrell

Is it only mansplaining is it's a man telling a woman?

Strangely no, even the woman that invented this term says that women do it as well.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 27/08/2021 09:38

The mansplaining test isn’t whether it’s to a woman who knows more about the subject than him, although that’s often used as an example.

It’s whether he’d explain it like that to another man.

girlmom21 · 27/08/2021 09:40

PP's have proven this isn't mansplaining.

SoupDragon · 27/08/2021 09:42

@Ninjawannabee

I'm with you OP. But clearly lots and lots of women are keener to jump to his defence than assume that you, who was in the interaction, recognised mansplaining when you had it done to you.

If they were men answering then I'd comment that they are mansplaining to you what mansplaining is. However since I assume they're women, I'll just quietly despair in the corner instead.

🙄
BitcoinWillSaveYourLife · 27/08/2021 09:43

People are dying in Afghanistan with others fleeing for their lives and you’re complaining about someone describing to you how to use a toastie?

SoupDragon · 27/08/2021 09:44

@BitcoinWillSaveYourLife

People are dying in Afghanistan with others fleeing for their lives and you’re complaining about someone describing to you how to use a toastie?
People are dying in Afghanistan with others fleeing for their lives and you’re complaining about someone complaining about someone describing to you how to use a toastie?
Daphnise · 27/08/2021 09:44

You must be a very difficult person to converse with if you are always on the lookout to take offence.

BitcoinWillSaveYourLife · 27/08/2021 09:45

You NEED to use butter. It’s not about calorie counting.

Feilin · 27/08/2021 09:47

My episode of mansplaining was about 30 mins ago whilst checking that the wallpaper steamer was still working . DH came out of his office to twll me if it wasn't exactly how to use a wet cloth and scraper instead. I reminded him whose daughter I was (Dad v good at that kind of thing yrs ago) and did he really think I didn't already know that...

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 27/08/2021 09:59

Whether it's mansplaining or just plain old sexist and patronising, the automatic assumption I didn't know what I was doing and required a full explanation, rather than just asking me if I needed it, would irritate me too Op. Didn't you stop him though?

ToastieFanMan: 'Here's how you lift up the lid...'

Op: 'Oh, you don't need to go through all the steps, I've had one of these since I was but a gleam in my parents' eyes and can use them blindfolded with both hands tied behind my back and garden rakes strapped to my feet. Now, where do you keep the first aid kit and the fire extinguisher...'

Or something slightly less ridiculous obviously.

More importantly, if you don't use butter (on the outside) doesn't your toastie just go dry and crumby on the outside like normal toast? Confused

PalmarisLongus · 27/08/2021 10:04

It's not as bad as the man that thought he knew how to repair the photocopier at work and went in depth in the parts and how to repair it for several minutes even though I repeatedly told him I knew how to do it as I'd been on the copier repair course twice and it was part of my role to maintain the copier...

When he took out the ink cartridge and blew it, thinking it would fix a jam in the feed, I walked out and left him to it.

pigsDOfly · 27/08/2021 10:10

Well, I'd need someone to explain to me how to use a toastie machine as don't own one and have never used one.

I never use butter in sandwiches and it certainly wouldn't occur to me that it's a vital part of using one correctly.

If you knew how to use it OP why didn't you just speak up like an adult and tell him you knew how to use it and didn't need to be told?

Comefromaway · 27/08/2021 10:14

If anyone was coming into my house to look after my child and they needed to use any piece of my kitchen equipment other than a kettle or normal toaster then I would either explain to them how to work it or give them the instruction booklet.

I have never owned or used a toastie machine so I would need to be shown how to use one. If you were already familiar with them you should have just said, oh that's fine I know how to use one of these.

sueelleker · 27/08/2021 10:17

@ThreeLocusts

Of course mansplaining! What grown woman wouldn't know how to use a toastie maker? Only men have a chance of reaching adulthood not finding this self-evident.
He'd probably just learned to use it himself, and was thrilled to pass on his newly-acquired information.
DdraigGoch · 27/08/2021 10:37

@Pedalpushers

It's patronising, not mansplaining. I define mansplaining as a man explaining a concept to a woman who is actually much more knowledgeable in that area than he is.
Exactly. Now if it had been the OP's own toastie maker...
happystrummer · 27/08/2021 10:40

I sent this chart to my other half the other day who ended up rowing with me as I wouldnt take on board his "advice" on how to weigh blackberries we had just picked. I am good at doing maths i my head, passed my maths o level a year earlier than usual, and weigh and log all my food every day on my calorie controlled attempt to lose weight! He claims he was trying to help and make things easier. Not sure how having an extended row about weighing blackberries made my life easier but there you go :)

To think this was a perfect example of mansplaining?
aaaaah · 27/08/2021 10:40

@BitcoinWillSaveYourLife

People are dying in Afghanistan with others fleeing for their lives and you’re complaining about someone describing to you how to use a toastie?
Yes. But this is exactly what AIBU is for. If you want to discuss Afghanistan there are other threads for that. This one is about mainsplaining and toasties.
aaaaah · 27/08/2021 10:41

I've never understood when the light goes on and off on ours as it doesn't seem to correlate to whe the toastie is ready

Hoppinggreen · 27/08/2021 10:42

@BitcoinWillSaveYourLife

People are dying in Afghanistan with others fleeing for their lives and you’re complaining about someone describing to you how to use a toastie?
I really think we should stop referencing Afghanistan in every bloody post. Nobody can complain about anything however mildly because of Afghanistan. Other shit things happen, people can be a bit cross about things without it being pointed out that Afghanistan is a bloody disaster. Or maybe I am being unreasonable complaining about Afghanistan because you know Afghanistan