Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About someone WFH and housework

71 replies

Growingnicely · 26/08/2021 10:34

I’m a bit annoyed with my DH and partly just venting here.

So our house is due to go on the market. It’s a complete tip just at the moment and trying to keep on top of it is proving really difficult.

DH has been WFH since the start of the pandemic, it didn’t cause much of a problem when I was working too, but once I was off I increasingly found I was spending the entire days feeling as though I was in the way in my own home. Because of where his office is, the back garden (which is tiny, one reason for the move) is off limits because he’s positioned right in front of it so you can’t be in it without him staring directly at you. It’s hard to do things like laundry, hoovering and so on because he’s there working on calls or whatever. So I either have to try to cram it in between calls / meetings or have to do it in the evenings, not ideal really!

He made a comment today about the house being a mess and while it is, it’s really hard to actually tidy it properly under someone’s feet.

How does everyone else manage this, and AIBU to be a bit annoyed he’s made out the house being a mess is my fault?

OP posts:
WhoppingBigBackside · 26/08/2021 10:37

It's his mess too. He could use a headset for the calls.

Jennifer2r · 26/08/2021 10:39

I use my phone for work calls and headphones and clean while I'm working. Perhaps he could try that!!

NotMeNoNo · 26/08/2021 10:39

The person working from home needs to have some boundaries. He should put a blind down if people in the garden distract him, and close the door so the family can get on with life.
I'm in Teams calls all the time with family life obviously going on in the background. You can't really hear it when the person has a headset and they can use the virtual background or turn camera off for privacy.
Can he work from anywhere else or his normal workplace for a while? The pandemic restrictions are mostly lifted now.

vivainsomnia · 26/08/2021 10:40

I don't get why you can't do the laundry and go in the garden to put it to dry because he is in a room looking out at the window. So what if he sees you?

Throwntothewolves · 26/08/2021 10:41

Ask him to move into another room so you can clean that one. Laptops are portable and there must be another flat surface he could use for a short time while you clean the area in which he works. Or get a laptop tray, they're cheap and readily available. If he's using a desktop PC that's harder, but maybe he needs to look at moving it to a more suitable location.
It's that or he helps with the housework in his time off seeing as you're not able to clean while he's working

DuckDuckGooses · 26/08/2021 10:42

You've mentioned you're "off" and he is WFH. What do you mean by off? In this situation I've been off work this week and my partner has been WFH (long hours, busy job) and of course I've been doing bits around the house. Just because my DH is WFH doesn't mean he's not working, if I'm off surely it's sensible for me to be doing housework as I'm the one with the free time?

EL8888 · 26/08/2021 10:42

What did his last slave die of?! I WFH today l have already put away a load of dry washing, washed and hung up another load of washing

DuckDuckGooses · 26/08/2021 10:42

Pressed post too soon!

If it was the other way around my DH would be doing bits around the house if I was WFH too. It's just a balance!

TheCraicDealer · 26/08/2021 10:44

If he says "the house is a mess" simply agree and ask him what he's going to do about it.

DH and I are both WFH. No one, and I mean no one spends 8hours a day solid at their desk. Instead of standing waiting for the kettle to boil when I'm making a cup of coffee, I'll do some dishes, put a wash on or scoot the hoover about. I'll do something similar whilst making my lunch. DH, on the other hand, will stand and flick through his phone. I had washing drying on the clothes horse the other day behind his desk and he didn't want it in the background of his zoom call. Fair enough, but instead of taking the (now dry) clothes off it and folding them and putting the airer away, he simply lifted the whole lot and moved it into the living room.

Friends and colleagues report similar. He says he doesn't "see" these jobs in the same way I do, but when I tell or ask him to do something that's apparently nagging. I honestly think there's something deep inside their psyche that makes them think "that's her job".

WhoppingBigBackside · 26/08/2021 10:46

I honestly think there's something deep inside their psyche that makes them think "that's her job".
Only because they choose to think that way, conditioning, and because their DW/DP lets them.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/08/2021 10:46

Unless there is a separate, dedicated office, WFH can be really intrusive on family life.... and I'm pretty sure the one WFHing doesn't realise it. You all end up living in their workplace.

Original poster
Growingnicely · 26/08/2021 10:53

That’s what’s happening here tbh @Aroundtheworldin80moves

I’m doing what I can but it’s difficult because I’m doing it around someone working, yes there’s stuff like headsets but I can’t just get on with it as I would if he wasn’t here!

The laundry is a problem because to get it from machine to garden I would normally walk through the area where dh is but because he’s there I can’t which means this weird complicated journey through the house, which is annoying!

OP posts:
SpacePotato · 26/08/2021 10:54

I don't understand why him being in a shed in the garden working stops you from cleaning the house or hanging washing on a line.

Original poster
Growingnicely · 26/08/2021 10:56

Possibly because he isn’t in a shed in the garden and you’ve posted on the wrong thread?

OP posts:
Hercisback · 26/08/2021 10:59

Your OP is slightly unclear re the garden. I'm assuming he's working in the lounge (or equivalent) that overlooks the garden?
Just do what you want and if he's on a call he can shut blinds etc.

SpacePotato · 26/08/2021 10:59

Sorry misread as he was working in the garden not looking at it.

NoSquirrels · 26/08/2021 11:01

Is he saying you can’t walk through his workspace?

notanothertakeaway · 26/08/2021 11:02

@Growingnicely

That’s what’s happening here tbh *@Aroundtheworldin80moves*

I’m doing what I can but it’s difficult because I’m doing it around someone working, yes there’s stuff like headsets but I can’t just get on with it as I would if he wasn’t here!

The laundry is a problem because to get it from machine to garden I would normally walk through the area where dh is but because he’s there I can’t which means this weird complicated journey through the house, which is annoying!

You sound as though you're putting barriers in your own path

Tidying / life admin on computer is quiet. Cleaning a bathroom / kitchen is quiet. Dusting is quiet. There's lots you can do without making a noise. Hoovering is loud but quick, so easy to fit in

And how can it be so complicated to take washing out by a different route - if it's just eg going out the back door instead of the conservatory, I don't see that being a big issue

Whether it's your job to do these tasks is a separate issue, but you seem to accept it is your responsibility, so I'm not getting into that

NerrSnerr · 26/08/2021 11:02

Because of where his office is, the back garden (which is tiny, one reason for the move) is off limits because he’s positioned right in front of it so you can’t be in it without him staring directly at you.

This is where PP was confused. I had to read it a couple of times because I thought the office was in the garden.

I would try and compromise. Does he use a headset? Does he mind you walking past with the laundry?

Original poster
Growingnicely · 26/08/2021 11:05

I’m sure he doesn’t mind but I am very conscious that I’m a near constant distraction along with very young child!

It isn’t just walking through once, you endlessly go back and forth, and back and forth putting things away and sorting things out. Children make noise too.

I’m not saying it’s impossible at all. I am saying it’s quite difficult and makes you feel as if you are constantly in the way.

OP posts:
BillyIsMyBunny · 26/08/2021 11:05

Is there anywhere else he can work? Has he intentionally positioned himself in an awkward place (presumably the kitchen or dining room?) when he has access to an office or is this the only suitable place for him to work? If he can work elsewhere and be less in the way he absolutely should do.

If there is no where else to work and wfh isn’t likely to change anytime soon can you do things like put up blinds/ curtains or even rearrange the position of the table so that he isn’t facing out the window?

Do you work full time or part time? If you work full time then the housework should be a shared responsibility. If you work part time and the agreement is you will use your days off to get on top of housework I can understand the frustration on both sides but I think maybe you need to have a sit down and talk about how you can get on with jobs around the house in a way which doesn’t distract him too much but also which isn’t unworkable for you.

NoSquirrels · 26/08/2021 11:08

I’m sure he doesn’t mind but I am very conscious that I’m a near constant distraction along with very young child!

Well, either decide not to care and crack on (and if he complains just tell him you were trying to make sure it wasn’t a mess, like he’s complained) or explain to him you can’t help it being a mess because his WFH is in the way.

Original poster
Growingnicely · 26/08/2021 11:08

He’s always worked there when he WFH, it’s just in the past it was mixed WFH and office and also we didn’t have kids then. So it was a lot easier for me to stay out of his way if I was off during the day.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 26/08/2021 11:10

He can't expect you to never enter the room he is working in during his working day. As long as you're not talking to him and distracting him, just get on with whatever you need to do, like taking the washing out.

When he worked in an office there would have been other people milling around, so this is no different.

But tidying up should be a joint effort, you need to declutter between you if you're planning to move. As for vacuuming, obviously don't do that room while he's on a call but do the rest of the house and leave the vacuum for him to do during his lunch break, before or after work, or during a screen break - it's not good for people to be sat staring at a screen for an extended period and his employer should be encouraging him to move around regularly.

timeisnotaline · 26/08/2021 11:11

Just walk through his workspace like normal for a week, use the garden like normal for a week. If he complains point out you said the house was messy. It’s because I’ve been tiptoeing around your work so couldn’t clean. I’ve stopped that now, you can’t have it both ways.