AIBU to think my friend is intolerable?

[OceanTulip22]

I’ve NC for this and perfectly happy to say IABU as I probably am.

Have a friend I met through a club a three years ago. I then moved to a new city, but we stayed in contact and sometimes met for lunch, a coffee and often WhatsApp. We don’t normally, well haven’t spent time in more than 2 hour bursts. But usually she is a good laugh and I really like her, so I am probably being horrid.’

Anyways, friend and I are both recently single and friend asked if she could come stay for the week- as I live not far from the coast and we both don’t have holidays planned. We both have taken it as leave and she’s been here since Monday.

Well in all truthfulness, it’s been a bit of a nightmare. Friend has some habits that I’ve found irritating and not noticed before and we are only three days in, I’ll list them and I am probably being unreasonable.

1. I’ve been driving us around, and every time I put my hand up to thank a driver for letting us through, she also puts her hand up- so we are both putting our hands up. Why do I find this so irritating?

1. She has been saying wow to everything. If I make her a cup of tea she says “oh wow”, we went for lunch earlier and everything was wow. The starter, the main and the dessert. She even said “oh wow” when the waitress brought over the tap water.

1. Letting rip on the sofa, it’s constant. When eating or in the evening we’ve been watching films and she farts the whole way through. No IBS as far as I know but could have.

1. She keeps saying my house is haunted. I live in an old place, 1700’s. I’ve never felt anything untoward here. She’s told me twice that she’s seen something walk down my stairs and that she heard footsteps in my kitchen.

1. Lying? Ive heard her twice on the phone telling people that the cottage is in France when it’s in fact the UK?! And I’ve not said anything about it to her even though she knows I can hear her.

I guess I’m just disappointed that this week hasn’t turned out as planned and I definitely didn’t know her as well as I thought: I also feel terrible for these thoughts I’m having about her while she’s here!

So I guess is my friend intolerable?

@AndTheReasonIsYou

Oh I simply could not.

Think of all the trapped farts in your sofa.

😂😂😂 "trapped farts"

I'd be getting a spade and eyeing up the patio just for the "wow" :o

Maybe she's telling people she's in France because she doesn't want to meet up over the holidays so she's pretending to be abroad. If she knows you've heard her, why haven't you asked her about it?

I couldn't live with the farting but everything else are just personality traits that seem quite innocuous to me. But this exactly why it's difficult to go on holiday with friends. Some people are just to spend a few hours with, not move in with. You do sound a but intolerant to be honest.

Can you stop farting, it's gross. Why are you pretending to be in France?

Yes, say this. And please let us know what happens next .

3 is intolerable, but a sign that she feels really comfortable with you,
4 is a bit annoying. Does she explain why she thinks this?
6 is odd, but perhaps she wanted everyone to assume she’s far away, so they can’t contact her again? Needs a real break, perhaps?
1 and 2 would be just about tolerable IMO. The wow thing is probably her just expressing appreciation (albeit irritatingly!) and the wave is something my DH does when I’m driving - I also find it annoying!

The fact remains that you find this all intolerable and you aren’t BU, your house, your rules, so you can’t put up with it or repeat it. You might still like to meet up with her for two hours at a time. A week is too long. Can you invent a family emergency, so she has to leave early? It’s a shame to waste your break feeling irritated.

[quote PineapplePanda]@OceanTulip22 Why did I think of Cassie from Skins when saying the "oh wow"s 🤣[/quote]

Start speaking French when she gets off the phone.

The farting would bother me, the waving and wowing it sounds like she's nervous/anxious tbh. Could explain the lying too.

1,2,99
yep, sounds like its at the point that even her breathing would be irritating.
WOW

They do say you never really know someone until you live with them.

I went on holiday for a week with a very good friend, each of us with two children. Both DHs were working so remained at home. Before the holiday I would have said we we knew each other well, had similar parenting methods, etc,
Oh my goodness, it soon became apparent how different we were. We got through the week but there were many uncomfortable moments. Decades later we are still friends and can look back and laugh, but the relationship was strained for a while and we had to distance ourselves.

You've the patience of a saint OP. Wowing at a glass of water? How often does she get out of the house normally?! The farting is awful. If she has IBS I think she should address it, embarrassing yes, but I would personally notice the farting a whole lot less knowing that was why. 4 is gauche and not nice, saying she is seeing ghosts all the time could make someone really nervous in their own home. Ask her about 6 as it's in close earshot. I'd be curious! If it's that she's avoiding meeting up with someone then ironic but meh. If not, it just sounds like this visit isn't good enough and is very rude.

Farting and lieing are awful.
If she is so shallow as to feel the need to lie about the location of her free holiday,what else is she lieing about?
Time to bow out or wow out.

The double car waving is straight out of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

You are, of course, NBU.

On the bright side: at least it's just an annoying friend, not a potential life partner! In retrospect, perhaps her inviting herself to stay with you was a bit of a red flag.

1 & 2 sound like nervous habits. You could ask her to stop raising her hand, saying you’re worried it confuses the other drivers. (Interesting you mention she doesn’t drive - my first thought was my grandmother, who never drove but would mirror the hand signals in the car, presumably to help the driver out.)

3 is rude - it’s a natural bodily function and may be unavoidable, but everyone knows it’s unpleasant to do freely and often unless you know the others present are OK with it. If you’re providing most of the food, could it be that the diet is very different from what she’s used to? If it's not an ongoing condition, OTC anti-gas tablets or chews sometimes help a lot. If you're doing all the driving, ask if she needs a lift to Boots?

4 could be interesting conversation for some people. If it really bothers you, tell her that kind of talk creeps you out and ask her not to bring it up. If it just bores you, don’t engage.

Not enough info on 6 - could she be planting false clues to throw an abusive ex or stalker off the scent? Otherwise, I wouldn’t trust her, knowing that she lies and apparently thinks nothing of it.

Twickerhun: I’d also start matching the oh wow-ing , oh wow, you got up. Oh wow you had a bath. Oh wow you finished dinner.

This made me laugh. “Oh, wow, you sure do fart a lot !!” "Oh, wow, people actually think you're in France ?!!?!"

OP have you said anything about any of her annoying habits?

The farting - if they’re silent but deadly, then easy enough to say “what’s that smell, sorry, I’ll just open the window!” That should have shamed a response out of her.

In terms of France - if you were in the room, you mention it as soon as she gets off the phone?

Don’t get me wrong - absolutely this “friend” sounds difficult, but why on earth have you suffered in silence?? As a result, you’re getting more and more annoyed about everything.

Ask her why she keeps telling people she's in France, and suggest she sees a doctor about her digestive system.

1 & 2 are just irritating but not criminal, sounds like personality incompatibility or you might tolerate them if not for…

3! This is a hanging offence, I would ask her to leave.

4 is just an eye roll

A ghost ate 5

6 would make me laugh and bellow, “Bonjour! Ah haw hee haw!” every time I heard her on the phone. Maybe when she’s saying “Oh wow” she’s aiming for “Ah, oui”?

"I think I find the hand thing annoying as she isn’t even a driver so it’s not out of habit."

You hand signal thanks even as a pedestrian. I don't do it as a passenger unless it's a tricky turn, so driver busy and someone is being very patient.
The farting I couldn't stand and would ask her if she's ok, or if the food wasn't suiting her.

She's bigging up the holiday. Perhaps she's the only one out of a group that isn't getting away this year. I'm wondering if she thinks saying wow makes her sound posh, Amanda on Motherland says it a lot. It's just a bit of incompatibility.

She sounds a bit nuts with the lying.
And tbh the farting would be enough for me to ask her to leave!

Nightmare 😱🙈🙀

The ghost thing is nuts too.

Only the farts would bother me. Is she sneaking them out or are they proud parps?

Tbh, I sometimes thank people for letting us out at junctions, but I'm in big trucks a lot and sometimes I have to check left side for the driver due to visibility, so its natural to thank the person as it's often me they gesture to. Also, sometimes the driver can't raise a hand as they're busy hauling the wheel round. I don't find it odd when I'm driving them, but it's a little stranger in car.

This thread has made me laugh a lot, sorry op! Lesson learned though, house guests should stay no more than 2-3 nights

I find the waving to drivers from passenger seat quite endearing.

I do think you sound a bit intolerable.

A few more days and she'll be gone, so try to make the most of it.