AIBU to think my friend is intolerable?

[OceanTulip22]

I’ve NC for this and perfectly happy to say IABU as I probably am.

Have a friend I met through a club a three years ago. I then moved to a new city, but we stayed in contact and sometimes met for lunch, a coffee and often WhatsApp. We don’t normally, well haven’t spent time in more than 2 hour bursts. But usually she is a good laugh and I really like her, so I am probably being horrid.’

Anyways, friend and I are both recently single and friend asked if she could come stay for the week- as I live not far from the coast and we both don’t have holidays planned. We both have taken it as leave and she’s been here since Monday.

Well in all truthfulness, it’s been a bit of a nightmare. Friend has some habits that I’ve found irritating and not noticed before and we are only three days in, I’ll list them and I am probably being unreasonable.

1. I’ve been driving us around, and every time I put my hand up to thank a driver for letting us through, she also puts her hand up- so we are both putting our hands up. Why do I find this so irritating?

1. She has been saying wow to everything. If I make her a cup of tea she says “oh wow”, we went for lunch earlier and everything was wow. The starter, the main and the dessert. She even said “oh wow” when the waitress brought over the tap water.

1. Letting rip on the sofa, it’s constant. When eating or in the evening we’ve been watching films and she farts the whole way through. No IBS as far as I know but could have.

1. She keeps saying my house is haunted. I live in an old place, 1700’s. I’ve never felt anything untoward here. She’s told me twice that she’s seen something walk down my stairs and that she heard footsteps in my kitchen.

1. Lying? Ive heard her twice on the phone telling people that the cottage is in France when it’s in fact the UK?! And I’ve not said anything about it to her even though she knows I can hear her.

I guess I’m just disappointed that this week hasn’t turned out as planned and I definitely didn’t know her as well as I thought: I also feel terrible for these thoughts I’m having about her while she’s here!

So I guess is my friend intolerable?

It's only the farting that would really get to me. I'd be having a discussion with her about possible food intolerances.

I think she sounds fine.
Certainly made herself at home farting on your sofa but at least she feels comfortable with you.
I like a bit of woo too so that would be right up my street.
She's probably wondering why you haven't brought up France as she'd probably be waiting for you to mention it and have a giggle over it.

1. and 2. are you being annoyed at her quirks rather than her being annoying. I have a friend who does 1. and it annoys me but I recognise it’s my problem!

1. is bizarre and a bit rude, but I suppose it shows she feels comfortable and relaxed around you! 😂🤦‍♀️

1. is her just trying to create some drama, but it would annoy me too.

1. is weird and I would find that very odd and disturbing and would have a real problem with tbh. So maybe she wants to make her life sound more exciting to other people, or whatever; but I’d find it really difficult to trust her after hearing that. I really hate it when people tell minor lies for no apparent reason!

All of that would drive me mad, I’d probably have rolled my eyes so hard at the tap water Oh Wow that they’d get stuck!

@OceanTulip22 Why did I think of Cassie from Skins when saying the "oh wow"s 🤣

The farting is extremely rude and disrespectful. I couldn’t stop myself from saying “yuk, would you mind going to the loo if you need to fart?”

This thread has cheered me up. Particularly laughed at the missing 5. Agree with pp that the farting and lying are off but the others, would irritate but not intolerable. Oh wow.

"Can you stop farting, it's gross. Why are you pretending to be in France?"

The rest is you being incredibly intolerant and I feel very sorry for her.

Op I have a friend that I've been friends with for 20 years, met at uni. Used to sleep over at one anothers student flats etc, spent lots of time together, so were pretty good friends for 3 years together. She's been up to visit me several times since we left uni, she lives on the opposite site of the country and so flies here and doesn't want to spend less than 3 nights. Fair enough. However, on her last visit I just found certain things that she did intolerable, and really couldn't wait for her to leave! I've got DC though and she's not, so whilst I still had to see to family life and clean the house etc, she got to treat the house like a hotel and chill out. I also found this irritating. Think I'm getting older and less tolerant too tbh.

Have you not heard of the 3 night rule???

I do number 1.

I usually do ALL the family driving. It’s so rare I’m a passenger I do it out of habit 🤦🏼‍♀️

This has really made me laugh 😄 It sounds like a sit com. I keep picturing you both putting your hands up in the car

Next time she farts jump up and shout loudly that there’s a ghastly and ghostly foul stench. Run away to the pub for a stiff drink then return and say there was no ghosts until she arrived so she needs to leave. Very unfortunate but you can’t risk any further evil spirits entering the property.

Best if she goes to pack immediately. 😁

Sorry OP 1 and 2 made me chuckle

I ended up parting ways with a university friend after she came to stay - she talked incessantly about herself, didn’t even do much as ask how I was doing after a cancer scare (which she knew about), was incredibly fussy over food and wine (but didn’t bring any or offer to pay for any); and - the final and worse insult which made everything else intolerable - left streaks of thick makeup and foundation all over all of my towels and hand towels, and kept doing it even though I obviously kept removing the towels and washing them.

Who wipes their make up off on the host’s bathroom hand towels? 🤬

I’m actually normally a pretty easy-going person, but the friendship didn’t survive long beyond that visit 🤣

I would find number 1 annoying, although I’d see that’s a minority opinion. You’re not the driver, you don’t do the hand signal. It’s patronising - like something a driving instructor would do from the passenger seat. It’s not quite up there with craning forward from the passenger seat to see at junctions - and obscuring the driver’s view - but close! See also - only the driver gets to say “ok let’s go now”.

The others are annoying too of course- the “oh wow” wouldn’t bother me personally but I can see why I might others.

I think I find the hand thing annoying as she isn’t even a driver so it’s not out of habit.

The farting, I haven’t mentioned, because I was worried she might have IBD and that it may embarrass her? But a lot of it has been silent and deadly! So I think she was hoping I’d not noticed.

And it’s always wow, we go into a charity shop and everything is oh wow, look at that. Oh wow, that’s cheap. Or like I said out for dinner, with every bite it’s oh wow!

My mistake missing the 5, but just to show the strain I feel under 😉

Can you match her at her game? Tell her you woke up in the night and saw her ghost fiend, standing over your bed with a axe. Make it as scary as possible. She might go home early? Or fart enough to drive her away? I’d also start matching the oh wow-ing , oh wow, you got up. Oh wow you had a bath. Oh wow you finished dinner.

Hmm sounds like she’s got a bit of CF tendencies - if she invited herself to stay for a week, rather than you suggesting it, but I may have completely misunderstood that bit.

There’s a reason a lot of romantic relationships break up after their first holiday together, the enforced lack of privacy and breathing space and this is “just” a friend, not a partner! Totally agree about the three day rule for future house guests. Can you suggest that she has a day out sightseeing somewhere alone as you have to do something “urgent” (sit on a non farty sofa for example)?

I’m ridiculously intolerant though so I’d probably be desperately trying to think of some reason to cut the visit short forcing her to leave whilst you remained at home!

Some of those things don’t sound like much, but a week’s a long time to have someone to stay and she’s probably just getting on your nerves through being around too much. I think intolerable is a bit strong.

"Have you spoken to your GP about your IBS? Oh you don't have IBS? I just assumed that was why you are constantly farting!"

Letting rip on the sofa, it’s constant. When eating or in the evening we’ve been watching films and she farts the whole way through. No IBS as far as I know but could have

Gross - I'd se d her packing!.

No one but yourself can answer that.
But shes annoying you.
See it through and keep it to smaller visits.
Good luck

My husband always always says wow when my food gets brought out in a restaurant. It drives me crazy so I get you on that point it is annoying 😂 I couldn't spend a week with any of my friends tho we'd drive each other mad

I have a friend who does no1 and it is very irritating. The rest, I'd probably laugh at, but I do sympathise!