AIBU to think my friend is intolerable?

[OceanTulip22]

I’ve NC for this and perfectly happy to say IABU as I probably am.

Have a friend I met through a club a three years ago. I then moved to a new city, but we stayed in contact and sometimes met for lunch, a coffee and often WhatsApp. We don’t normally, well haven’t spent time in more than 2 hour bursts. But usually she is a good laugh and I really like her, so I am probably being horrid.’

Anyways, friend and I are both recently single and friend asked if she could come stay for the week- as I live not far from the coast and we both don’t have holidays planned. We both have taken it as leave and she’s been here since Monday.

Well in all truthfulness, it’s been a bit of a nightmare. Friend has some habits that I’ve found irritating and not noticed before and we are only three days in, I’ll list them and I am probably being unreasonable.

1. I’ve been driving us around, and every time I put my hand up to thank a driver for letting us through, she also puts her hand up- so we are both putting our hands up. Why do I find this so irritating?

1. She has been saying wow to everything. If I make her a cup of tea she says “oh wow”, we went for lunch earlier and everything was wow. The starter, the main and the dessert. She even said “oh wow” when the waitress brought over the tap water.

1. Letting rip on the sofa, it’s constant. When eating or in the evening we’ve been watching films and she farts the whole way through. No IBS as far as I know but could have.

1. She keeps saying my house is haunted. I live in an old place, 1700’s. I’ve never felt anything untoward here. She’s told me twice that she’s seen something walk down my stairs and that she heard footsteps in my kitchen.

1. Lying? Ive heard her twice on the phone telling people that the cottage is in France when it’s in fact the UK?! And I’ve not said anything about it to her even though she knows I can hear her.

I guess I’m just disappointed that this week hasn’t turned out as planned and I definitely didn’t know her as well as I thought: I also feel terrible for these thoughts I’m having about her while she’s here!

So I guess is my friend intolerable?

Say ‘oh wow’ every time she farts 😂

I’m with you OP, I would have killed her by now!

She sounds annoying as fuck. When is she leaving?

Can you somehow reduce the number of nights she stays? Or has she booked train tickets?
A week is quite a long time. Quite intense to spend so much time together not knowing each other well.

Honestly I have few friends that I would want to spend a whole week with. I love my friends, but pretty much anyone would get on my tits after a few days of being together. Can't cope with not being able to just slope off and be on my own for a while.

The lying is VERY odd, is she speaking to the same person, trying to impress someone?

The farting... Does she realise she's trumping away? Or is she proudly letting rip knowing you can hear?

OK I missed the farting update - sounds like she's got some intolerance issues going on.

The waving thing, if she's not a driver I wonder if she thinks that putting her hand up too is the done thing? Maybe she thinks she's just being polite!

@citycitycity

Say ‘oh wow’ every time she farts 😂

I’m with you OP, I would have killed her by now!

Please do this!

Sounds like the start of a novel about friendship overcoming the odds definitely she should move in

I do no 1. 😂 it comes from being a passenger in the car with my husband who never thanks anyone so I have to do it so not to seem rude. I probably do it in other peoples cars too without thinking 😂

OP you do come across more than a bit judgy.

1&2 mild irritation. You could say something.

3 Constant farting throughout. Does she wear pleather? What are feeding her - hay?I think you are exaggerating.

4&6 Strange, I will grant you. Ask her. Tell her you heard her saying the cottage is in France.

It doesn't sound intolerable for a week, but of course you are the one living with it!
the lying is really weird, though.

Sounds like a crank. Dont invite her back

@Honeymare

"Can you stop farting, it's gross. Why are you pretending to be in France?"

The rest is you being incredibly intolerant and I feel very sorry for her.

This is one of the best random sentences I've ever read 😂.

Don't you fart?

I’m def getting more intolerant in middle age. Plus there’s some kind of Covid effect (after 200+ hard lockdown days, here) at play. Everyone’s forgotten how to act outside of their private spaces. Especially people who live alone. I’m seeing it in all my single friends. Having kids in the house has kept me honest, and sadly committed to role-modelling manners, personal hygiene and general respect for others (with noise, privacy etc).

I do get excessively cross with a few common houseguest behaviours. One is random decisions they make (with no communication) that affect the whole household, like bathing/showering whenever they get the urge. It ties up the bathroom for ages and means everyone has to wait to do activities, meals etc.

Also the need to use a fresh cup/glass for every drink during the day. I had 2 houseguests who went through every drinking vessel I have, every day. And I have plenty. Extra points for never washing up any of them.

Also when they create heaps of laundry and housework by eating in the bedrooms, smearing towels with makeup, food prep (there’s always that meal they take over to thank you, and end up using every utensil and appliance and surface you own, right?).

Of your housemate’s crimes, I’d rate the farting as unbearable. I’d have to address it, a deal-breaker. I’d start innocently asking about her health, concerned my feeding her has caused it. Then I’d tell her it was a deal-breaker to let rip next to me. That it made me ill. Which it seriously would. Although truth be told, all you need is an Under 10yo in your house with you. They’ll deal with it directly and quickly, for sure!

Aw, I think she sounds quite funny in a naive/bonkers/compulsive liar kind of way.

1. The hand thing - my mum does it all the time - it amuses me.
2. The "wowing" I actually think sounds quite sweet - is she the kind of person who is just very grateful for everything?
3. The farting is a bit much yes but she obvs feels comfortable around you (I'm reaching here)
4. The ghost stuff - look, she is obviously a bit "woo" and can see things you can't so just nod your head and then have a priest come and perform an exorcism when she's left (you should probably thank her actually and be grateful the demon hasn't already murdered you in your bed)
5. The lying - you've got to feel a bit sorry for her really. She wanted to go to a gite in France and has ended up in a haunted house somewhere in England where the food you're feeding her has given her IBS.

You're a bad friend OP.

Everyone’s forgotten how to act outside of their private spaces. Especially people who live alone. I’m seeing it in all my single friends. Having kids in the house has kept me honest, and sadly committed to role-modelling manners, personal hygiene and general respect for others (with noise, privacy etc).

This is a load of crap, Madame, single people are not worse or better than anyone else. Kids kept you honest?! You sound so smug!

You say the farts are "silent but deadly" maybe its not HER farting.
Maybe the smell is from the demons in your house that she keeps warning you about :)

Yabu. Stop eavesdropping on her calls I wonder what her list is for you.

Oh I simply could not.

Think of all the trapped farts in your sofa.

@RedHelenB

Yabu. Stop eavesdropping on her calls I wonder what her list is for you.

She’s making these calls while in the living room, as I was cooking in the attached kitchen! She was about two feet away from me!

1. Annoying.
2. The irritation would build with every fatuous, unnecessary 'Wow'.
3. Not tolerable.
4. I'd feel she was 'poisoning' my house, planting ideas. Unpleasant.
5. I bet there's more you've forgotten that could go here!
6. Bizarre. Also, lying casually, even for a 'lark', I find intolerable.

Verdict: Intolerable weirdo farting nonstop on your sofa would be bad enough for one day's visit, or even just one lunch.

Where's 5? The ghost has pinched it!

I love that number 1 - thanking drivers, comes way above farting and lying in the annoyance rating! 😂😂

Good luck getting through the week, OP!

@Constellationstation

This has really made me laugh 😄 It sounds like a sit com. I keep picturing you both putting your hands up in the car

Me too. Every time I picture it I get the giggles

She sounds irritating, and does not possess your type of finesse, You may have to just put up with her ways if she is a friend.