DS says DH hogs the T.V

[tastylikemustard]

DS 21 has told me his is a bit annoyed with DH as he hogs the TV, DH is planning in retiring in a couple of years and is currently reducing his hours at work which means he's at home more than he used to be. DH when he's home often watches the T.V, he has some annoying habits too, speaking on the phone to one of his mates whilst he's still watching T.V. DH occasionally comments how much DS stays in his bedroom in a jokey kind of way, DS however has said its because what most things DH wants to watch on T.V is the complete opposite as to what he wants to watch. DS has a computer in his bedroom which he can watch Netflix, ITV Hub things like that on. AIBU in telling DH to not hog the T.V as much?

How much rent / mortgage is each of them paying?

There’s a place for kindness and politeness, but bottom line - adults get to choose in their own homes. Grown up children can go rent their own place!

But then, the adult doesn’t get to make snarky remarks about the children staying in their rooms.

Yes of course you are at 21 he can watch stuff with his dad, watch anything on his multiple devices and platforms but he can't tell his dad what he can and can't watch!

It is rude to take over the TV if actually having a conversation with his friend though. What does your husband say about this?

Is there any prospect of your DS moving out? He’s 21. If he wants his own space and own TV he’s an adult and can either use his bedroom like he’s doing or find his own place to live.

Blimey, his retirement's going to be fun for you if he watches TV all day and talks over it.

It sounds as though your son feels it's not really his home now - is your husband his dad?

It also sounds as though your husband has a "My way or the highway" approach to the house.

Are you out at work while all this is going on?

DS(16) spends most of his time watching programmes he likes in his bedroom.

We do try and watch some things as a family.

Is DH your son's dad? Does your DS work?

I think DS is a bit annoyed with DH speaking on the phone with his mate for early an hour, when he should have gone out the living room and got to another place in the house to speak to his friend. Also DH sometimes will say to DS would you mind running me a bath before DS has a shower if DS is upstairs but then DH friend might ring and it's another hour before he actually gets in the bath. I've told DS in regards to the bath to just tell DH that he needs to get in bath now or DS will unplug the water in the bath and get a shower for himself instead of waiting for DH to finish his chat and get in the bath 10 hours later.

Your DH is obviously entitled to watch what he likes on TV, but he can’t then complain that DS spends his time in his room. If you want company while you watch TV then you need to compromise on what you watch and consider watching what others are interested in. You also don’t randomly answer the phone and conduct loud conversation whilst others are trying to watch.
Doesn’t sound like your DS is trying to dictate what his father watches on TV, he just isn’t interested in sitting around watching things he isn’t interested in whilst his dad has conversations with his friends on the phone. Can’t really blame him. I wouldn’t want to do that either. I don’t think DH should have to change his TV habits just to suit DS, he just needs to accept that DS will watch what he wants to in his room.
What about you? What would you choose to watch? Are you bothered that you never sit down to watch anything with your DS? If you are, then DH should hog the TV less.

From your update your DH sounds like a nightmare. It sounds like he is just generally completely inconsiderate of anyone else. Where do you fit in all this? Is your son also frustrated by you being sidelined by your DH too?

DH is DS Dad, I work three 12 hour shifts a week, so on my days off if DH is at work I'll tend to watch T.V then. DH has told DS before to watch the shows he wants to watch on T.V whilst he's at work.

He makes your DS run him a bath before he has a shower?! He could be in and out of the shower in 5 minutes! That’s ridiculous.

I have a 20 year old DS and if he doesn't want to watch what DH or I want he can watch in his bedroom via lap top etc. Quite frankly of course the adults have 'first choice' of what to watch. It's not like when I was a teenager and we just didn't have the option of watching on a lap top or whatever ... but we still respected mum and dad's choice of tv programme. The days of only three tv channels

Your dh tries to go in the bath, which takes a while, before ds goes in the shower, then will try to talk on the phone for about an hour, preventing ds from having his 5/10 min shower? Wtf, this is completely out of order and ds should say no way!! Why can't he run his own bath once ds gets out the shower ?

@Shantotto That's only if DS doesn't want to get in the shower at that particular moment. Instead of it taking maybe half an hour for DH to have his bath it ends up being more than an hour.

Why has DS got to say he will let the bath out etc?
Why don't you point out to DH what he is doing hogging TV/ talking over it/ demanding your son runs him a bath/ not getting in said bath for ages....

DH thinks he can never decline a call but I've told him you can say to your friends that you can't talk at the moment and to ring back later.

DH normally when he goes for the bath will go for it then, the problem is if one of his friends ring while the bath is being ran instead of saying he'll call them later he proceeds to take the call instead of getting in the bath.

I moved out at 18 but if I still lived at home at 21 and tried to complain to my parents that they were hogging the tv they would have laughed and told me I could move out or buy my own tv - I watched stuff on my laptop in bed and preferred doing that.

For the shower/bath thing, from your latest update it sounds like your DS isn't wanting to go in the shower at the time your DH asks him to run the bath so wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't for the fact he doesn't go in for so long because he's on the phone? If that's the case, I don't see why your DS has to say anything, I'd just go in and unplug it and go for the shower, if he's on the phone that long he'll be in and out by the time he's off the phone anyway. Surely he has to rerun the bath before he gets in anyway after being on the phone that long?

Well, perhaps there needs to be a family discussion about how to live amicably together. If you're watching TV for instance, you're watching TV. If you stop watching TV to yak on the phone for an hour, it's polite to leave the room and it's somebody else's turn to take control of the remote. Don't be a TV hog.

If you are going to have a bath, you go run your bath, get in it, and have it, rather than being a bathroom hog, getting someone else to run it for you, knowing they want a shower, and then waiting for ages before deigning to get into it.

Basically, it sounds to me like your DH is doing everything except cocking his leg and pissing up a wall to mark his territory!

Hmm ... just re read your thread, why does your DH expect your DS to run his bath? And who is this 'friend' your DH has hour long phone calls with?

I suppose there is a spectrum from 'mortgage payer rules the roost/my house my rules/DC should get their own place if they want to choose what to watch' to family members compromising so every family member can spend time together and participate'. I'd rather spend time with a family member and (not) watch something I didn't like if it meant a DC and parent wanted to spend time together. If your DH insists of watching his choice of TV all the time then he is missing out.

@Ragwort All of his friends he speaks to on the phone are male

What a weird thread.

DS wants a shower.
DH tells DS to run a bath for him.
DS should simply say, 'I will be 10 mins in the shower, you can run your own bloody bath after that you lazy arse'

DS could also buy himself a big TV for his room. Or move out.

I agree. It's a bit odd all round. Your son can get his own tv. But your husband could definitely be more considerate and aware as to what is going on around him.

Is DH keener than you are for DS to spread his wings and move out? There’s an odd dynamic coming through.

You and DH are both working, what’s DS up to all day?