Very quick straw poll - who is right, me or DH?

[cluelesshostess]

We have a house full of teen guests who've been here all day- which is lovely. It's never happened before due to a difficult Y7 followed by Covid then various people being on holiday.

So I went up about an hour ago asking if they wanted tea/to stay for tea and all politely said no. Fine but still no sign of them going! Also fine but obviously we are going to eat. But I say we cook loads extra and offer again when it's ready and DH says we cook for ourselves and ds and then they will leave. Who is right?

I'm with your DH. You asked if they wanted food and they said no.

I would cook extra and then if any left bung in freezer/eat tomorrow. Can't exactly just feed your teen. I agree with you.

Your DH. You've offered them a meal, they've declined. You're not a restaurant.

Then tell them to go as it’s your family’s tea time?

I'd go back and ask your teens. Say you're going to do dinner for you and their dad, do you want theirs now or later and if now are their mates sure they dont want any.

Depends, can what you are making be frozen or kept for another day?

If it means wasting food, dh is right.

If it's not wasting food I would say you are right.

Leave them to it. They don't want to eat. If you cook extra then say "here's the food do you want to eat" they'll just be embarrassed!

I'd cook the extra. If the kids don't eat it then you won't have to cook tomorrow 👍🏻

I'm with you! Cook loads - then you've got leftovers if they don't eat, and if they do they're catered for.

I'd say your DH is right. But if you think they declined out of politeness and you really do have enough and are happy to cook, then go up again, tell them you are starting the meal and have enough to feed them but if they want it they have to say so now. If they decline again then you cook for the family only and tell the others to leave when it's ready.

Go back and ask the teenagers! Not a vague "do you want food at some unspecified point" but "I am going to do food now, do you want it, speak now or you won't get any".

I’d go and ask them one more time, say you’re just about to start cooking, theres plenty for everyone and it will be ready at x time, are they sure they don’t want to stay as they are very welcome to. If they say no again then no, I wouldn’t cook extra.

Cook extra but that’s because I am Asian and my dead mother will haunt me if I do otherwise. (Lighthearted in case that’s not obvious!)

Cook for yourself and dh and ds but just you and dh eat, saving your ds's to be heated up later. They don't want to eat, so I'd leave it.

Cook for you and your DH; leave your DS to enjoy time with friends until they leave and then feed him.

Cook what you'd normally cook and leave them to it, you child can eat later when they are free.

I'm with your husband here. They've said no , if you cook for them anyway then they will feel obliged to eat it

Eat yours, keep your DC’s to put in the microwave.
Lovely of you to offer though. ☺️

DH. But you could pop a frozen pizza in and hand it over for them. They won't want to sit round the table with you!

I don't want parents to think they weren't fed - I don't know them and ds was fed when he went there! I won't ask them to leave (unless it gets dark!) It's stuff we can use tomorrow, which is a bonus if they don't eat it but I don't want to make them feel awkward.

I used to go back, saying "I'm about to start cooking dinner, are you sure you won't stay? There's plenty, if you'd like to. It'll be ready in half an hour"(or whatever). IME, they either changed their minds and stayed, and if they didn't, they knew what time they'd have to leave (ie, just before dinner was ready)

i have teens and in this case I would cook for the us and keep theirs until their friends are gone.
Your teen can reheat / eat it cold.
You've already offered and they're grand. My teen would accuse me of being 'extra' i.e. - too hospitable!! and says if they want food they would say.

Let your teen enjoy having company and get on with your own dinner

Cook your dinner and tell them it’s time to go. You offered and they declined.

I’d pop back in and let your child know that you are cooking for yourself and DH for 6:30 or whenever and if their mates are still here they can have theirs warmed up later. No need to cook dinner for teens who have said no and whose parents are probably expecting them home for dinner.

I’d cook for you and your DH and let your DC eat when their friends have gone. You asked and they declined, that’s the end of it. My teens don’t eat too early. We never have tea before 7, unless for logistical reasons and often their friends will be here past that time without wanting tea.