Very quick straw poll - who is right, me or DH?

[cluelesshostess]

We have a house full of teen guests who've been here all day- which is lovely. It's never happened before due to a difficult Y7 followed by Covid then various people being on holiday.

So I went up about an hour ago asking if they wanted tea/to stay for tea and all politely said no. Fine but still no sign of them going! Also fine but obviously we are going to eat. But I say we cook loads extra and offer again when it's ready and DH says we cook for ourselves and ds and then they will leave. Who is right?

Don’t know how to vote really ?
I think your DH is right
So how do I vote ?

Go and say to them: "Are you going home to have your dinner, or would you like something to eat here? We are having ... whatever it is ..... ".

Can I please say yes - hungry but too knackered to cook here.
I agree if you have enough and it will freeze and it doesn’t add a lot of time then cook more and see if things change.

C. Text teen to establish if they were being polite. Ask what time they are leaving - is your child eating with you or waiting til they’ve left. Plated dinner in fridge. All in one text.

I can’t believe people are saying to send them home and tell the teen to come for dinner

How bloody embarrassing for him! It’s the first time he’s had friends round for almost 18 months, give him some space!

Go back and ask them again, tell them what you’re cooking and say you really don’t mind cooking for them too but you need to know know.

DH

At this point because its getting late, their parents have probably already started a meal without them and yours were fed when they went there I'd probably make some snacky food, take it up and say welcome if they want to share it.

In future id go up at 4-5pm and say are you about ready to go home or would you like to stay for tea. I find that always gets a yes, whereas are you hungry, do you want tea can get vaugue replies

It's a no brainer IMO. They says no, so don't cook anything for them.

I would make extra then shout up to your DC that there's plenty there if they want it.

I wouldn't make them leave or insist your DC joins you for dinner. Just let them eat or not as they choose, eating once the friends leave is no hardship on one day.

DH. Thank you for visiting, folks, it's time for us to have our dinner, now. Hope to see you again, soon.

I usually order pizzas in this situation and they are quickly demolished.

Dominoes is your friend here OP

@PickAChew

DH. Thank you for visiting, folks, it's time for us to have our dinner, now. Hope to see you again, soon.

Noooo! I have done the pizza thing though, occasionally.

Teens are considered as children nowadays. I woild be a bit miffed if my child came home around 7/8pm still unfed. I would judge your hospitality.

Tell them it’s time to leave if they don’t want to eat and it’s your dinner time.

If it’s stuff that would keep then personally I’d make extra and offer again when you are eating. Then let it go….don’t want to be the mum constantly interrupting ….whatever it is teens talk about.

I think it’s lush for young people to have the message they’re truly welcome at their friends houses. Sounds, from the info you gave, that it feels important to you for them to feel welcome too.

Oh but if I were a parent of a teen I wouldn’t be much bothered by then not having been fed if they had at least be offered. Presumably they are all old enough to head home if they wanted a specific dinner.

@Boatonthehorizon

Teens are considered as children nowadays. I woild be a bit miffed if my child came home around 7/8pm still unfed. I would judge your hospitality.

Really? I wouldn't expect another parent to feed my teen just because they were round at their house. I'd expect my teen to either come home for dinner/let me know they would be late so I can put some dinner aside or sort their own food. I certainly wouldn't judge the parents of the teen. Apart from anything else they may not have even been there!

Well, I went ahead and cooked extra and planned to shout up there was plenty of food if they'd changed their minds but by then they went anyway at just gone 7 and ds ate then! I wouldn't have had them all around the table - we wouldn't have all fitted anyway. They''d had lunch and snacks through the day, yes. Anyway, weird how I felt a bit lost there. It's been a while since having kids round and Y9s are very different from Y6s .

Definitely just cook extra. I'd then text your son and just say you've made food and there's enough for everyone but no pressure.

If this is a first for your son I'd be like you and worried to make it awkward or a bad experience!

@UniBallEye

i have teens and in this case I would cook for the us and keep theirs until their friends are gone. Your teen can reheat / eat it cold. You've already offered and they're grand. My teen would accuse me of being 'extra' i.e. - too hospitable!! and says if they want food they would say.

Let your teen enjoy having company and get on with your own dinner

Or this! Do this.

@Shodan

I used to go back, saying "I'm about to start cooking dinner, are you sure you won't stay? There's plenty, if you'd like to. It'll be ready in half an hour"(or whatever). IME, they either changed their minds and stayed, and if they didn't, they knew what time they'd have to leave (ie, just before dinner was ready)

This.

The important thing is to be able to tell them when it’s time to leave: “We’re sitting down to dinner now. It’s been nice to have you all. Come again another time.” You’re the parent, you don’t have to hang around wondering what’s happening.

Year 9s are a bit of a weird cusp age as well (especially as this year group have had their independence curtailed by Covid). They probably all had instructions to be home by x time for dinner. In a year or so, if they want to keep hanging out and are hungry, they'll just order pizza, but they probably aren't yet at that point.