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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A boy and a girl make it perfect

73 replies

pand6498 · 23/08/2021 16:23

This is the reply from our head of HR to a baby announcement email - "A boy and a girl make it perfect".

The said head of HR should know better surely? AIBU to feel annoyed at her choice of words - or am I too sensitive because I have 2 DCs of the same gender?!

It was probably just a quick reply with not much thoughts put into it though. She is mega busy and has been known to not respond to emails.

OP posts:

Hardbackwriter · 23/08/2021 16:25

It was a stupid thing to say, but it was also clearly a quick offhand comment that she probably put about 5 seconds thought into, so I wouldn't let it bother you (I have two of the same, too)

PlanDeRaccordement · 23/08/2021 16:25

Too sensitive. It’s regarding that specific family and how it is perfect for them. It’s not a blanket statement that only families with one boy and one girl are perfect.

SunbathingDragon · 23/08/2021 16:26

It completely depends what she means. If she means it’s perfect because she specifically has had a girl and a boy then I don’t think that’s any more or any less perfect than someone who wanted two boys or two girls and got them. What I feel is unreasonable is when people project their views of a perfect family onto others.

HallieHufflepuff · 23/08/2021 16:29

I think it was a thoughtless things to say but you shouldn't let it upset you, OP. You know they are wrong and your family is still valid.

The head of HR was probably trying to think of something quick to say and thought they were being nice. It wasn't a nice thing to say but maybe they're ignorant/too busy.

MissyB1 · 23/08/2021 16:35

It was certainly a weird thing to say. I remember when in our department we were all signing a card for a woman that had just had a baby girl, one colleague (who has 2 girls) wrote "Thank God you didn't have a boy - girls are best!"

I felt like telling her she had totally spoilt the card.

Enough4me · 23/08/2021 16:38

It is daft rather than offensive.

Do you mean your DC are different sex, rather than gender?

LavenderPink · 23/08/2021 16:38

Bit weird.

elliejjtiny · 23/08/2021 16:39

It's a bit thoughtless but it's the kind of generic thing people say, a bit like "as long as it's healthy".

girlmom21 · 23/08/2021 16:39

It's a bit of a strange comment but not intended to offend anyone, clearly.

You're being incredibly sensitive to be upset by this.

DuckDuckGooses · 23/08/2021 16:39

I think you're looking for something to be offended at to be honest! One of each does sound perfect, two of the same sounds perfect, three of each sounds perfect!

Her being head of HR has nothing to do with it as it's not an email relating to anything professional? Perhaps she knows the family super well and this is what they wanted? I feel like you've decided you're offended and are just looking for reasons to justify it

TheKeatingFive · 23/08/2021 16:39

Stupid thing to say, but no point in giving it much headspace.

Hardbackwriter · 23/08/2021 16:40

@MissyB1

I felt like telling her she had totally spoilt the card.

I actually think that one is a bit offensive, whereas the one in the OP is silly but not offensive

ANameChangeAgain · 23/08/2021 16:41

Its thoughtless, unimaginative and impersonal. All combinations are perfect, whether all girls, all boys or a mix.

Chikapu · 23/08/2021 16:43

AIBU to feel annoyed at her choice of words

Yes. There really isn't anything there to be annoyed about.

HumunaHey · 23/08/2021 16:43

Yeah it's a stupid thing to say and I know where you're coming from OP. I've just had DC2 (another boy). The amount of times people have asked me if I'm going to have another to try for a girl. I'm happy with two boys and personally think same sex siblings have a better chance of having a closer bond.

But there is the notion that one of each is perfect.

Hardbackwriter · 23/08/2021 16:48

Thinking about it, I don't know why you'd reply-all to a baby announcement anyway - do you think perhaps she didn't mean to? I think it would have been fine as a comment if she'd sent it just to the mother.

MiddleParking · 23/08/2021 16:49

I think it’s weird and an annoying lack of email etiquette to reply-all to a baby announcement email, but if you’re going to then don’t say that in it.

MrsMop1964 · 23/08/2021 17:14

At least they didn't call it a pigeon pair

Whatinthelord · 23/08/2021 17:14

I think it’s a weird comment but not something I’d be sensitive about...I just think they lacked tack.

m0therofdragons · 23/08/2021 17:15

I find it really offensive when people suggest boy/girl is perfect. I’m not usually offended by much but as a family of 3 girls dh has had sympathy given at only having girls - something that is perfect for us but apparently not society!

TooBigForMyBoots · 23/08/2021 17:18

There's no such thing as perfect. Especially where children are concerned. I think you're being a bit over sensitive here @pand6498.

TillyTopper · 23/08/2021 17:19

Funny thing to say on an announcement, but they are just trying to be nice and perhaps say something other than following 20 people saying "Congrats".

MyShoelaceIsUndone · 23/08/2021 17:23

Think is a daft thing to say despite of their role on an organisation, but we all say daft things at work.

Witchesbelazy · 23/08/2021 17:26

I know someone who described theirs as a perfect set they are very shallow though so standard really

Goldbar · 23/08/2021 17:30

Yes, it's a stupid thing to say. But she probably felt she had to say something more exciting and original than "Congratulations! So thrilled for you" so no malice intended. Imo she should have stuck with that.

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