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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A boy and a girl make it perfect

73 replies

pand6498 · 23/08/2021 16:23

This is the reply from our head of HR to a baby announcement email - "A boy and a girl make it perfect".

The said head of HR should know better surely? AIBU to feel annoyed at her choice of words - or am I too sensitive because I have 2 DCs of the same gender?!

It was probably just a quick reply with not much thoughts put into it though. She is mega busy and has been known to not respond to emails.

OP posts:

RightOnTheEdge · 23/08/2021 17:31

I've got a boy and a girl and I've had people say well done to me like I had a choice in the matter.
It's silly but people say all sorts of silly things like that for something to say.
They just don't think.

BoBirmingham · 23/08/2021 17:32

You're being too sensitive. I very much doubt she gives you or your DC much thought, never mind anything malicious!

godmum56 · 23/08/2021 17:45

Its a really really oldfashioned thing to say. Many years ago when I was first married and dinosaurs walked the earth, it was called "a pigeon pair" and thought to be the perfect family. My sib's family are girl and boy and when they were children they got this comment a lot.

In case anybody is wondering it used to be believed that pigeons laid two eggs at a time and one would hatch as male and the other female...no idea why as it isn't true.

www.2oceansvibe.com/2018/04/23/this-is-why-its-called-a-pigeon-pair/

Millymog · 23/08/2021 18:14

not read the whole thread, but is there an agenda behind the comment (eg now you have a boy and a girl you won't be wanting to have any more children etc) - if so that is outrageous

drpet49 · 23/08/2021 18:26

Too sensitive. It’s regarding that specific family and how it is perfect for them. It’s not a blanket statement that only families with one boy and one girl are perfect.

^This.

3scape · 23/08/2021 18:30

Really stupid tbing, obviously she's got fixed ideas about differences or something. Is she saying a boy and a girl, right no more mat leave for you?

FunTimes2020 · 23/08/2021 18:30

@Enough4me

It is daft rather than offensive.

Do you mean your DC are different sex, rather than gender?

Oh ffs!

VanillaAndOrange · 23/08/2021 18:36

I had two boys and I actively wanted two of the same sex, whatever the first one was (although obviously I would have been happy with any babies!) It has always irritated me when people assume that everybody wants one of each. One friend kept asking me if I was going to "try for a girl" until the boys were about 16 and 15 - like I would want to go through babyhood again! But unless I was very close to the person who said it and knew they wouldn't be too offended, I probably wouldn't challenge it. It's a very common and fairly harmless assumption, even if I don't personally like it very much.

BeauxRingarde · 23/08/2021 18:41

It used to be called a "Gentleman's Family", and seen as the best combination. A lot of people still think it is.
Pretty stupid thing to say though, especially from the head of HR who shuld have had all kind of training in sensitivity and PC speak and all that bullshit

PumpkinKlNG · 23/08/2021 18:42

I had a girl and a boy first, (then another boy and another girl) people use to say how lucky I was to have one of each, I think it’s just something people say, no point getting upset

Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 23/08/2021 18:45

I think it is an inappropriate thing to say and it annoys me too.

ttcissoboring · 23/08/2021 18:51

Pathetic comment that I would ignore. Immature also

Budsaway · 23/08/2021 18:54

It was just an offhand comment I expect, we all make them.

I have a boy and a girl and they hate each other and spend their lives fighting, I often wonder if they were the same sex would they be better pals.

tillytoodles1 · 23/08/2021 18:55

I have one of each but my SIL was absolutely devastated when her scan showed she was having another boy.

HarrisMcCoo · 23/08/2021 18:55

A bit like gentleman's family, you don't need to have any more now. Pigeon pair etc. Daft comments but people do this. Thoughtless.

ttcissoboring · 23/08/2021 19:02

@Budsaway

It was just an offhand comment I expect, we all make them.

I have a boy and a girl and they hate each other and spend their lives fighting, I often wonder if they were the same sex would they be better pals.

I actually think probably kore likely same gender would be closer in most cases.

I believe the whole boy girl thing is more about the wants and needs of the parent than actually thinking from the child's perspective.

Most children have friends of their gender so likely having two kids same gender are going to be closer IMO

Nc123 · 23/08/2021 19:05

That is pretty awful.

I have three perfect and beautiful sons, but I would have dearly loved a daughter as well. Comments like that are thoughtless and shitty because people who don’t have “one of each” could well look at it and feel bad.

sweetieqie · 23/08/2021 19:05

It's a throwaway comment said. Means nothing. If you're happy, why even give it any headspace?

SilverTimpani · 23/08/2021 19:09

Definitely a stupid and thoughtless thing to say

TheWayTheLightFalls · 23/08/2021 19:12

Stupid and thoughtless. I'm expecting twins, one of each, and people get oddly excited about their sexes. It's a pregnancy after a loss and I would be utterly delighted with either sex or both.

PumpkinPie2016 · 23/08/2021 19:16

It's a thoughtless comment and in future, she should probably think before she writes!

It doesn't matter what combination of sexes people have. No one gets to choose!

I only have one child - a son. For ages people used to ask if I was going to try for a girl erm...no! As it is, I am very happy with my little boy and thankfully, now he is 7, people have stopped asking!

chipsandgin · 23/08/2021 19:17

It’s nonsense obviously but it wouldn’t bother me, stupid people say stupid shit all the time!

It would be exhausting if you wasted your energy on being bothered every time someone said something thoughtless, pointless or tedious!

Marlena1 · 23/08/2021 19:23

I said similar to a friend recently (even though I have two the same - which I love). It's the kind of thing I would say to someone directly though, so as not to offend any one else! It is just one of those things you say but I get why it might be annoying. I get (mildly) annoyed when ppl say to me they were delighted to have one of each and stopped at two (like I got it wrong or something!) but I wouldn't think about it too much.

toconclude · 23/08/2021 19:26

Oh do knock it off with the anti trans shoehorning.

Treezan82 · 23/08/2021 19:28

We have one of each and have had loads of comments over the years about how lucky we are. It is a bit weird when you think about it. Who cares? I genuinely don't. I love my kids to pieces and wouldn't change a thing about them, but it just doesn't matter what sex they are. In fact, if we had to choose the sex of our kids we would have gone for 2 girls. Just because I think 2 of the same sounds nice and we had a girl first. My friend has no kids yet but daydreams about 3 sons. There is no blanket "perfect ".

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