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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A boy and a girl make it perfect

73 replies

pand6498 · 23/08/2021 16:23

This is the reply from our head of HR to a baby announcement email - "A boy and a girl make it perfect".

The said head of HR should know better surely? AIBU to feel annoyed at her choice of words - or am I too sensitive because I have 2 DCs of the same gender?!

It was probably just a quick reply with not much thoughts put into it though. She is mega busy and has been known to not respond to emails.

OP posts:

Treezan82 · 23/08/2021 19:31

Yes I think this is probably true - not in every case but my dd would love a sister and my ds will probably wish for a brother when he's old enough to care. Not happening though! I am very much done!

Peanutsandchilli · 23/08/2021 19:32

I wouldn't be offended because I disagree with her. I have 5 girls and no desire for a boy. It wouldn't even cross my mind to think anything of it.

FlumpsAreShit · 23/08/2021 19:32

Bit daft but I have one of each and have had loads of comments of 'how wonderful'. Now pregnant with third and final and even midwives have said 'oh so you won't mind what it is then, having one of each'

I wouldn't think too much of it. Think it's a shit but common archaic cultural thing. Just a platitude.

Milkbottlelegs · 23/08/2021 19:36

My response to any second child announcement:

Two boys - ah, how fun, two boys!
Two girls, ah, how fun, two girls!
One of each - ah, how fun, one of each!

Pinkdelight3 · 23/08/2021 19:46

Massively too sensitive. People say all kinds of meaningless platitudes about babies. It's not about you and your DC (and your insecurities - I've got two of the same and it wouldn't cross my mind because I'm happy with them).

ttcissoboring · 23/08/2021 19:47

@Pinkdelight3

I agree OP you are clearly insecure about having two of the same gender otherwise the comment would not have even registered with you.

I think you need to find a way to deal with the insecurity

Fiiiivegoldenrings · 23/08/2021 19:51

"I actually think probably kore likely same gender would be closer in most cases.

I believe the whole boy girl thing is more about the wants and needs of the parent than actually thinking from the child's perspective.

Most children have friends of their gender so likely having two kids same gender are going to be closer IMO"

I think this is quite closed minded. I am much closer to my brother than my sister, I think because less comparisons were drawn & we didn't "compete" with each other...and generally our personalities are more similar. I don't think sex really plays into things. It's personality. It's their individual personalities that determines closeness. I have equal male and female friends as do most people I know. I think any combination of children are amazing, be it 1 or 15 of all 1 sex or mixed & any sort of closed minded things like suggesting opposite sexes won't be as close just adds to the anxiety some women face when they find out the baby's sex.

BlusteryLake · 23/08/2021 19:54

It's thoughtless and untrue but just one of those irritating throwaway comments that you have to let go.

ttcissoboring · 23/08/2021 19:56

@Fiiiivegoldenrings obviously I'm not saying every same gender sibling is closer but likely the majority.

If I'm wrong, then why do most women have women as friends and men have men?

Surely there's a correlation there somewhere?!!

Darthwader · 23/08/2021 19:58

Anything else would have been rude.
'Two boys. Perfect!'
'Two girls. Perfect!'
'A boy and a girl. Perfect!'
People can't say anything without someone looking for insult.

underneaththeash · 23/08/2021 20:01

Makes it prefect for her!
I’ve two boys abs a girl, which is prefect for me.

thepeopleversuswork · 23/08/2021 20:01

I think its pretty boneheaded and daft. Not offensive though.

Name12341 · 23/08/2021 20:02

It's a throwaway positive comment to the mum, not a reflection on anyone elses families. Just the same as when people say about it being nice for a girl to have a sister/boy a brother to likely be close with growing up etc.

user1473878824 · 23/08/2021 20:03

@Enough4me

It is daft rather than offensive.

Do you mean your DC are different sex, rather than gender?

Oh here we go.

KarmaStar · 23/08/2021 20:05

Does it really matter?just love your dc and forget it!😊

user1487194234 · 23/08/2021 20:05

It's a very common response when you have a boy and a girl
Am not sure it's reasonable to be offended

TartanJumper · 23/08/2021 20:37

Bit weird but I wouldn't overthink it- probably the first thing they thought of to write as a response!

My sibling has four of one sex and couldn't be happier.

drspouse · 23/08/2021 20:45

I know three mums from my baby group days who were desperate for one of each and have two boys/two girls. One of them was told at the 20 week scan that her second was a girl (he isn't).
The other three of us weren't bothered and we have one of each.
Moral of the story: dunno, maybe don't get your hopes up?

Moooncake · 23/08/2021 20:51

Aw, I don't think she meant anything by it, it's just a thing people say. Try not to let it get to you - you know your family is just as perfect

Original poster

pand6498 · 23/08/2021 22:41

Thanks all for the responses. For the record, the reason I mentioned she is head of HR is because she is always the one to promote DEI initiatives and how we should be mindful to be inclusive.

Also I am annoyed about the inappropriateness of the comment, not that it relates to my own circumstances. I said I have 2 same sex DCs because there are so many others in that email audience who only have 1 child, single parent, co-parenting, etc. So her idea of 'perfect' is somewhat odd, yet I appreciate it is an offhand comment so won't give it another though. Thanks all.

OP posts:

Samafe · 23/08/2021 22:56

Yabu for being upset.
Yanbu for thinking the comment is bullshit per se....I have a DS and pregnant with a DD. I am very happy, but my "perfect" would have been another boy.

Frodogo · 23/08/2021 22:59

Eh. Seems like a silly thing to be upset about, especially since most families don't end up "perfectly" with one boy and one girl. I can see why many couples want that, so they can experience both a son and a daughter, but on the other hand, one might hope that for siblings of the same sex, so they're more likely to share interests and play nicely together. (Only to discover that they still fight like cats and dogs...)

In any case, it's not worth being annoyed about, unless someone says it repeatedly.

HiScore · 23/08/2021 23:04

@Milkbottlelegs

My response to any second child announcement:

Two boys - ah, how fun, two boys!
Two girls, ah, how fun, two girls!
One of each - ah, how fun, one of each!

I think this sums it up perfectly and probably what she meant…

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